what makes a girl good in bed?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by pinksunflower, Sep 21, 2010.

  1. pinksunflower

    pinksunflower New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    so basically- I think I'm fairly clueless in bed- but I've come a long way already so I think I'm a fast learner- just need a nudge in the right direction..

    I'm 20, and I've technically been sexually active since I was 17 when I lost my virginity, but I've only ever had 1 regular sexual partner..

    I basically just don't get how I 'participate' in sex as a girl- I've been told by more than one guy I give amazing head- and that's probably my strong point in sex- I really enjoy it and get really turned on by it- I've found it a real problem getting wet with this boy I was currently sleeping with- so penetration sometimes hurt if I could do it at all... but the main problem was that I wasn't all that into it. I'm really physically attracted to him and he's pretty good in bed (and really confident and just knows how much he likes sex- which goes a long way at my age in england!)..

    I'm always way more into sex when I'm drunk or stoned (even just a little)- and I think that makes me better..

    generally I find sex really tiring- which makes no sense because its usually the boy doing all the work. if I go on top, I feel really unsure- I don't know what I'm doing (I was like that giving head before I watched some porn and got the gist).. and basically- it just feels like a really awkward position for me. it might be just that I feel self-conscious (I'm not self-conscious at all about how I look, just generally)

    and- I don't really get if anyone knows what I'm talking about here- but I find sex really sort of..hard to take..for too long- even if its good- maybe this is because my current boy has a huge dick- and I think he likes doing it pretty hard.

    I would really like to try doing it where I'm standing up and bent over.. or sitting on a table or ledge against a wall- but I don't have the confidence and I'm always nervous it'll take me too long to get wet (this is often a problem)..

    any general advice for me?
    I don't want to be boring in bed- and I know I'll enjoy it way more if I just know what I'm doing and I can have fun experimenting..
     
  2. JimmyBeans

    JimmyBeans New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    If porn helped with giving head, surely the cure for the rest of your problems is more porn
     
  3. pinksunflower

    pinksunflower New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    yeah- but there aren't specific categories for girls on top or girls being active- and its kinda hard to tell what exactly the girl is doing when they're fucking..

    are there any good videos out there of girls riding guys?
     
  4. Reflect169

    Reflect169 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2010
    Messages:
    268
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Sydney
    Sweetie, I was EXACTLY the same as you up until recently. I find it way too tiring to do much when I'm on top, dunno how to move in bed, everything,
    Basically I found out recently that some girls just lie there, litteraly. So my moaning, squealing, squirming and grinding was actually really pleasureable.
    With my current partner, I'm finally so excited that I can take control if I want to.
    You should try when in missionary, wrap your legs around his waist and squeeze you bum in. Also bring a knee or both up into your chest whilst he's on top, you can rest them against his chest. When your on top you need to find a position that you can get leverage from, my favorite ATM is with my knees on either side of him, and I bring my ankles in and hook them over his legs. Also try straddling him as you normally would, then move your body so that your at the side of him, so he can see your arse move!

    Oh.... I need to get ready for work!
    X
     
  5. Mittimer

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,515
    Likes Received:
    4,432
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Fl
    Using porn to teach yourself about sex is the worst idea ever.
     
  6. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    A lot of the positions you want to try are designed for the camera angles and are not at all comfortable. Also, not many couples go as long as the ones in videos because sexual passion just doesn't always last that long. The mechanics of sex are only a small part of the satisfying part. It should be all about being into each other as opposed to doing things to each other.
     
  7. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,094
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    So far, all we're hearing about is dick. Do you ever get oral sex or sex with his hands?
     
  8. young_gun_91

    young_gun_91 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2010
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Maryland
    So if you've only had one partner, how has more than one guy told you that you give amazing head? :lol

    Not that it matters or anything, I'm just curious.
     
  9. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    329
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Midwest
    I'd like to add something......LUBE! Lots and lots of LUBE. That will cure your dryness I promise.

    Personally, I like the silicone based lubes the best, even though they are more expensive. The silicone lubes just don't ever dry out. They wash off easy enough with soap and water. And they don't get sticky and gummy like the cheap water-based lubes do.

    One other small piece of advice to offer----tell him that at least once, you want him to go really slow and MAKE LOVE to you. Maybe the "hard and fast" sex isn't something your body is quite ready for. Or maybe you just can't handle hard sex with this guy....? Try slow and easy just once and see if it helps. Don't forget the lube...lol.
     
  10. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male

    I took that to mean: one guy she regularly had sex with. I inferred that it meant there had been other short-termers. Plus a lot of people lie to themselves today saying oral isn't sex. Sorry if I misunderstood that, sunflower.
     
  11. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    I don't know about being stoned but having a few drinks before sex can definetly lower one's inhibitions and can be a real advantage.
     
  12. htoad

    htoad Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2010
    Messages:
    456
    Likes Received:
    49
    Gender:
    Male
    The above sends off somewhat of a red flag for me, but it may also offer some hope for the future.

    While you do not want to make drink or drugs crutches for getting more into sex, the reason they likely help is that they offer you some level of relaxation. So consider the question: why can you not relax during sex?

    Perhaps you are not being patient enough. That might be a side affect of the porn - you see that and your (or perhaps your partners) expectation are set at that level. But that is not a real relationship, that is just entertainment, and embodies the same things to make it entertaining as stunt people in movies.

    Do you try to be "perfect" or "good" - try to have fun. Perhaps you cannot due to your partner - what are their sexual expectations of you? Are you trying to meet those first, before trying to relax? Are sexual "mistakes" laughed at and used as a learning tool, or taken too seriously and thus increase the stress?

    Or, do you know your sexual partner outside of the sexual encounters enough to relax, enjoy, and learn?

    In my view, it is less about the "mechanics" and more about the "attitude". I am certainly not an expert in this area, but from your post it seems that the mechanics will not improve until your attitude can. And your attitude might be being shaped more by what is going on outside of the sexual realm.
     
  13. Dragon_Fire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    If you're otherwise healthy but having difficulty getting wet, this sounds to me like the foreplay may be lacking. You've mentioned pleasuring the man through oral sex but you've made no mention at all of what they're doing to pleasure you. If you're horny enough you may just find that you'll move in sexy ways without even trying.
     
  14. gman

    gman New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    I would suggest the Sinclair Intimacy institute's videos. They are tastefully done and talk frankly about all aspects of sex and techniques in bed. Sure it's porn, but its not so much acting and over the top performances. Loving couples showin' you how. You can do a google search. I wish I could have had these when I was 20.
    Good luck
     
  15. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female

    Most EXCELLENT of posts, Dragon. :)
     
  16. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    You have mentioned this in several posts. I'm assuming you are impressed with the product and not affiliated with Sinclair in any way, am I correct?
    Just thought I should ask, Gman. Can't be too sure these days you know.
    Carry on with the fun...
     
  17. pinksunflower

    pinksunflower New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    do you mean the positions I said I wanted to try?

    idk about the porn you watch- but my current bf lasts a good 25minutes at least. when we had sex one time and he said he was disappointed he only lasted 15 minutes that felt like a really long time for me..

    so is having sex in different places overrated? I just feel like just sticking to the bed is boring (particularly as we only have singles at uni)
     
  18. pinksunflower

    pinksunflower New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    he offered to do oral once but there was a bit of blood there from spotting so he didn't end up doing it. the reason he hasn't done it is probably because its taken me up to now to want it- before that I felt too self-conscious

    when boys finger me I often feel like they do it way to hard and I don't really see the point in fingering or handjobs- I mean, we can do that to ourselves...and I can't imagine how a boy could finger a girl as well as she does it to herself... even my gay guy friend said handjobs were never as good as when he did it to himself.
     
  19. pinksunflower

    pinksunflower New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    I have actually bought lube to have just in case, but I just don't want to become dependent on that for sex..

    thing is with sex though- I don't want him to 'make love' to me- I'm not a romantic person- I mean, I am starting to think the problem is that he's no emotionally into me- I really like this guy, but I don't know if he really likes me..and I don't feel like he wants me in that way.... but all the guys I've ever been with who are really into *me*- I very quickly get sick of- I had guys being all over me or being really full on or not leaving me a lone after we have sex and wanting to endlessly kiss me or hold me- the thing I really like about this guy is that he's not like that- he gives me my space..

    It turns me on a lot more doing it more like they do in porn- the thought of hard, rough, fast sex turns me on so much more- is there a way I can build up to that?
     
  20. pinksunflower

    pinksunflower New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    ok well- ideally I would like to be able to get right into sex- and that's the main advantage for me if I'm drunk- I don't really need foreplay because I'm already ridiculously horny.

    its definitely a problem that he's a) more experienced/confident than may and b) sex comes so naturally to him- he has no inhibitions, he lost his virginity early... and there's definitely a gap- I've had sex with 7 guys including him but most of those were one night stands.. so I feel as if effectively he's the first... my upbringing was fairly conservative and I think my parents would be very shocked to know I was having sex at all, and anything vaguely sex related mixing with my family/parents is very uncomfortable...

    and he also does take himself too seriously- I think the reason it took him so long to convince me to sleep with him is that he doesn't know how to really make me relax. when I tried asking him to take it slow with me to give me more time to get wet, it ended up being over 30 minutes and nothing was happening and he actually got out of bed and asked me how many times I'd had sex- as if he was expecting me to admit I was a virgin..

    and as far as 'outside the sexual realm' is concerned- he doesn't want to actually be in a relationship with me- and he's very closed off from me and don't want to have any conversations about issues we have with eachother, and I never know if he still wants to be with me or if he's already got other girls in his life he could be seeing... but I mean, we were only together properly about 3 weeks before summer- so it might get better.

    bottom line is- I want to carry on having sex with him because I enjoy it more the more I do it- and its really unusual for me to find someone I'm this into- especially in terms of sexual attraction.

    I need to see how it goes when we see eachother again, but I want to know if I can get sex tips as well, becuase I know this is a really common thing in girls (especially young inexperienced ones) that we don't know what to do and don't know what we want- and I feel like I've already come a long way with this guy- I already feel massively more sexually confident and I'm way more into sex.
     
    #20 pinksunflower, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010