What is he doing to me?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Barbwire, Jul 22, 2007.

  1. Barbwire

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    As most of you know, I have one of those rare husbands that doesn't want sex, except maybe 2-3 times a month. I, on the other hand can't get enough of the stuff.

    Hubby went away camping Friday after work and got home mid-morning today, Sunday. I've been really horny lately, and was just dying to be with him. He spent most of the day hanging out, watching sports, and sprawled on the couch.

    About an hour ago, I started kissing him and hinting I wanted to go to bed. He said, ok. When we got into the bedroom, I told him I was going to take a quick shower, then I reached down and fondled his crotch and gave him "the look". He smiled and hopped in bed.

    I took a shower and did my usual routine of soaping, shampooing and shaving. When I got out and dried off, I put on my pj's and was standing in front of the mirror, drying my hair, when he comes over. I turn to kiss him and he says he doesn't feel well and goes into the bathroom. He comes out moments later and walks by me and goes back to bed without so much as a look or a kiss good night.

    I am so pissed! Is he playing games with me or what? I mean, if he didn't feel well why didn't he tell me before I showered? I thought I had made it obvious why I was freshening up. I just don't get that man, I really don't.
     
  2. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Sadly some guys dont get hints no matter how strong a hint your giving....

    perhaps he had just come over ill maybe..


    i know the background of you 2 very well, but maybe this time he wasnt being a thoughless ass.....well except from not saying anything to you after...


    or perhaops he is a closet gay guy..


    or its the same as usual him being one of the worlds worst ever lovers.
    does he need some lesons where he ca watch as someone makes love tto you the way youve been after with him sitting there only being able to watch ...
     
  3. Bluesy

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    Aside from your sex life, would you say you have a healthy, loving marriage?
     
  4. Barbwire

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    How can it be healthy without satisfying sex? We do get along OK, not much arguing at all. Yes, there is love, but not the kind there once was. I find myself getting more and more resentful towards him because he leaves me wanting so much.
     
  5. Bluesy

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    No offense, but it sounds to me like your situation is the reverse of the typical sexless marriage, where the woman's libido is affected by the degradation of the marriage and the guy is left wanting and resentful. Maybe he's feeling just as unfulfilled as you are, only his wants/needs are emotional. Maybe his sex drive isn't going to rebound until those needs are met.

    Maybe I'm just throwing thoughts out there...I hope you guys can work things out. And if not, I wish both of you the courage to move on and start over. Either way, I hope something positive happens for you soon!
     
  6. Barbwire

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    No offense taken, in fact, I would like to thank you for giving me something to think about. It is hard to see oneself for what one is, but I believe I have withdrawn from him. It's just that, I tried so hard, for so long to get him interested in me and got let down again and again, that I just gave up.

    I originally came to this site to get ideas on how to improve marital sex and communication. I learned a lot, and implemented as much of what I learned as he'd let me. The thing is, in a marriage, it doesn't work if only one of the partners is willing to try. I've reached the stage where frustration has turned to anger, and I know that is not helping either one of us.

    I've mentioned this here before, but it bears repeating, I have asked him to go to marriage counselling and he says, 1. We don't need it. and 2. He's not paying for it.

    What is left for me to do but to come here and vent, hoping someone has the magic bullet and is willing to let me hold it for a minute?
     
  7. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Good luck no matter what , im sorry that i totly suck ass as a marraige councilor ...
     
  8. P1MP1NJ

    P1MP1NJ New Member

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    has he been a little late home from work lately?
     
  9. Barbwire

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    Yes, but he's at work, this I know.
     
  10. Bluesy

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    Have you ever asked him point-blank if he really wants to be married?
     
  11. Runtoyou

    Runtoyou New Member

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    Sounds like you need to find a new way to connect. Find out what excites him and try to work that in. Example. If he's into motorcycles find out a little about them and perhaps ride with him. Then maybe pose nude on his bike or something. (Just an example) :)
     
  12. Barbwire

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    No, I haven't.
     
  13. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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  14. Barbwire

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    Thanks for your help, K.

    Runtoyou: Thank you for the idea. He doesn't have any hobbies really, besides watching sports and I do that with him all the time.
     
  15. Bluesy

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    If someday you're feeling brave enough, you might want to ask the question. It could be the single most heart-breaking and liberating thing you ever do.
     
  16. azezpz1

    azezpz1 New Member

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    Well, my advice is to talk with him (pretty cliche, I know) but it does seem to help. If you've already done that, then push him harder, and try and find a compromise. If there is still love there is still a way, and God knows you're direct enough to tell him what you mean CL. Just talk it over. If all else fails, slip him a bunch of libido inducing drugs in his drink, and have fun. J/K. :) Best of luck CL, the pains of one will mimic the other, if the other knows the pain. Just look at sympathy pains, and sympathetic pregnancy. Maybe there is such a thing as Sympathetic Libido. Who knows. I've babbled enough. Good Luck CL!!!
     
  17. Clark

    Clark Member

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    Cowboy Lover

    I tell ya... I feel your pain.

    As you may know, I've been having problems with my wife's lack of intimacy for years.

    It makes you lose self-esteem. You start asking yourself, why don't they find my sexy? Am I not sexy? What do I need to do to be sexy to them?

    It makes you angry. Why don't they realize how terrible this makes me feel? Why don't they place value on my misery? Why don't they do something about it?

    It makes you feel trapped. I'm committed to my marriage to this person and spending my life with them. And if they don't want sex, does that mean I'm trapped into a situation where I'm never going to have sex again?

    I cannot tell you how much I wish I could tell you the answer. I haven't found the answer.

    Perhaps it's good, also that we live on opposite sides of the world. If we were neighbors, we'd probably have been nailing each other long ago.
     
  18. sexless

    sexless New Member

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    hi I feel for you too. unfortunately i am sorry to say i have yet to find the answer as i am searching for it too. whatever you do, just take care of yourself.
     
  19. Tainted

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    completely offtopic now. its like the toilet break in the middle of a film or the cigrette between sex sessions, although i dont smoke but hey, so here goes, the midway break. Sit back and relax to the subtle music of garbage. lalaallaala think im paranoid allalalaa only happy when it rains. lalalalaa. ok carry on with aforementioned discussion aout CBL and her SO. My lil advice, get a vibe screw someone else or make an ultimatum us guys hate that, but make it a good one, dont say no sex till he does whatever thats shooting yaself in te foot aint it? use a different approach lol surprise sex? dressing up?
    taking pictures lacing them round the house for him to follow? hell theres loadsa stuff but i dont know all the story so ill jut leave by saying.. any time CBL:) mwah
    Good Luck
    Tainted.xxx
     
  20. medman937

    medman937 New Member

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    It may be a medical condition. Some men loose there Testerone levels dramatically after the age of 30. Especially if he is over weight, smokes or has a medical condition such as diabetes. Ask him to go to his doctor for a physical and a complete blood/chemistry work up. There are many conditions that cause lack of sexual drive in men medically but more importantly it effects men mentally tremendously. The thought of no longer being a stud effects men and it drives down there desire. This can easily be corrected with bi-weekly shots of Testosorone or daily patches.

    Don't just assume it is you as the wife or, he is just playing with you. If your husband is like most men, He probably has not seen his physician in quite some time. Even if he has, it is very difficult for most men to admit to the problem. I know that if he was my patient, I would appreciate you coming in sometime before his appointment and discussing his lack of sexual drive.