What is cheating?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by GBBlondie, Mar 27, 2013.

  1. GBBlondie

    GBBlondie New Member

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    When you're in a (supposedly) committed relationship with someone, assuming you're monogamous, what do you consider to be cheating?

    I think most everyone would consider sex with another person to be cheating, but is kissing? Flirting? Is simple texting cheating, or does it have to be sexting to rise to that level? Or maybe you don't consider that to be cheating at all. Is fantasizing about another person cheating? Does it matter if the person is the same sex (or if you're gay, does it matter if the other person is the opposite sex)? What are your triggers?

    For me, I only do open relationships, so cheating isn't an issue for me unless my partner becomes emotionally attached to the other person.
     
  2. AtkCCC

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    Good question and I'm sure there are gonna many answers. Wifey and I have played with other couples and 3ways....we do not consider that cheating since we are doing that together. We both agree that outside of together, that would be cheating.
     
  3. backcheck64

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    Any contact of a sexual nature. Be it actual sex, making out, sexting or suggestive texting, and so on. Pretty cut and dry.
     
  4. Meee

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    If it takes the person's attention and effort away from the relationship in a potentially damaging way, then it's bad. Notice I don't say it's "cheating." "Cheating" is just a label that can be argued and argued until the point about the damage to the relationship is lost. If something can damage the relationship, the label isn't important. Arguing about the meaning of cheating is how a couple (or usually one side of the couple) avoids the work that really needs to be done.
     
  5. GBBlondie

    GBBlondie New Member

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    That's a great (excellent, really) philosophical discussion, but that doesn't address the question I asked. I'll restate it in your terms, though. What would your partner have to do that would rise to the point where you'd consider it "potentially damaging" to your relationship? And then you can add all the rest of my original question here.
     
  6. Meee

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    Sadly, I've been approached by private message on this site by men who explain that there is something missing in their relationship, and could I help meet their needs. What I'm not hearing from them is that they're trying to work within the relationship on whatever it is that's missing for them. They're directing their attention somewhere else instead. That's bad. Flirting with me in that situation is bad. Kissing me would be bad. Sexting would be bad. Texting, conversing, making those awful tribute pictures, and so on--bad (and probably cheating ;) ).

    I happen to know, however, about some men (and women) who use me as their porn and then go take it out (in a good way) on their S.O.'s. Their attention ultimately goes back to their relationship. That isn't so bad.
     
  7. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    i think cheating has varied degrees, but a good basic definition for me is something, anything romantic/lustful with another person that you know will upset or hurt the person that you are in a committed, monogamous relationship. if there's even the possibility that your person will get hurt, and you know that, then you shouldn't do it, and i would consider that cheating to a degree. that includes carrying on a flirtation that goes beyond the casual comment, explicit text/chat/email messages (I delete and do not respond to any that I receive), physical exchanges of desire (I do not count casual hugs and cheek kisses in this category, but do count full on tonsil hockey, dry humping and tits/ass grabbing in this group) are all minor forms of, not really cheating i suppose, at least to the full degree. i guess to a minor degree? hard to explain. I wouldn't be ok with my husband groping and making out with another person, and he wouldnt be ok with me doing that either. Mental cheating is just as bad, if not worse than, physical cheating, at least in my opinion.
     
    #7 redics_girl, Mar 27, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2013
  8. pawg69lover

    pawg69lover New Member

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    I think everyone's idea of cheating differs but for me if one person is having to sneak behind their partner's back and lie to him/her all the time then that qualifies as cheating in my book. If you have an open relationship then that's great as long as there is consent and understanding from both parties.
     
  9. sabian

    sabian New Member

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    well for me that is a tough one.. my wife and i are happily married, and enjoy all thing sexual. But with that being said we both are very layed back and open in are marage. i just when out last friday with a new friend and had dinner, the wife was invited but said she didnt want to go but i sould still go. so i did and we had a great time...And as the night went on our conversation did turn sexual but that would have happen even with my wife there. so. we just enjoyed each others conversation and left it at that. It was nothing other than conversation.....even though it was really hot and good conversation.. hahaha. So i guess for us cheatting..would be a break in trust more than some action or talk or text..idk....thats a good one.
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    For me to feel like having cheated is to have fucked another woman but my SO defines it very differently; if I just happen to look at another woman with lust in the remotest way then that is cheating.
    So I cheat all the time........within her definition!
    For her to be cheating on me is the same definition as I apply to myself but even then I would not become overly upset unless it was more than just sex in which case it would be time for us to mutually move on.
    I am not the jealous type but she is the exact opposite in the extreme which is a bit weird really considering I am an ageing old fart and she is the vital pretty young thing :shrug
     
  11. RideNaked2

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    We have defined cheating as an act that we have not negotiated in our relationship. Each person has their own definition of cheating...so we spelled it all out in ours. For example: Some would say that if I were to have a relationship with another woman (I am bi) then it's cheating. In our relationship, I am free to have a relationship with another woman...although NOT another man. He is free to explore his bi curiosities as well, if he chooses to have an encounter with another man that is fine as well, although NOT a woman.

    It just all depends on what you believe is cheating for you in that particular relationship and the terms that you each agree on.
     
  12. Anotherday

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    It differs greatly from relationship to relationship and all depends on consent.

    Even in poly relationships there can be cheating, it just depends on what's agreeable to the partners.
     
  13. EarthboundEnigma

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    I don't think gender or the actions involved are the true gauge of cheating. Sleeping with another person is considered cheating by default because of the connection sleeping with someone implies (even though that means a lot more to some than others. We're engineered to believe sleeping with someone implies some ultimate attachment.) But attachment itself is how I'd determine cheating, or de-attachment from your partner. Any action that secretly brings you closer to someone else, regardless of gender, while taking you further away from the person you supposedly are claiming to love...that's cheating. Perhaps you could even apply it to non-human things like booze or some other addiction that robs that person of "you."

    Hope I answered the question in the realm of what you were looking for.
     
  14. MordsithLove

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    After had read this...

    I definitely have been a HUGE violator and I haven't had any kind of physical contact of any sort.

    Guilt is sulking.
     
  15. GBBlondie

    GBBlondie New Member

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    Not everyone thinks that way, though. It's not uncommon at all for men to allow their wives/GFs to sleep with other women and not consider it cheating.

    This is why I asked for people to explain what they, individually, considered cheating. While everyone can opine on what they might broadly consider cheating, you can't define what constitutes cheating for anyone other than yourself (though you do it in concert with a partner(s) if you're not single). Just because you consider something to be cheating may not mean that anyone else does. Your comment here demonstrates that point outright.
     
  16. Meow

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    Cheating is when the other partner does not know what is going on or does not agree to what is going on behind their back. Simple.