What gives?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by WhiskeyCharlie, Oct 25, 2011.

  1. WhiskeyCharlie

    WhiskeyCharlie New Member

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    First off, let me say that I dearly love the man I am engaged to. There is just one or two things that bug the crap out of me that have surfaced lately.

    When we first started dating, and he discovered that I was a virgin, the man seemed to have tentacles everywhere. Not that I minded at all. He was my first, and for the first few months, the sex was great. I spent a lot of it hurting simply due to the fact that things had to be... broken in, for lack of better words.

    About four months ago, our activity has dropped to maybe three times in a month. I'm usually gone during the day due to the fact that I'm with the National Guard and I stay at the local armory during the day. Given that I'm with a lot of men during the day, I hear a lot of things when they think I can't hear them.

    Anyway, it seems my sex drive outstrips my fiancee's by far. It is rather maddening to be trying to sleep when my hormones are going nuts and he's either asleep or playing xbox with his buddies. I've tried all the little turn-ons and just plain out telling him to "Fuck me".

    All I get is a huff and that he'll "bang my brains out in the morning." And guess what? I'm still staring at the ceiling at nine am and he's snoring loud enough to wake the dead.

    Or my particular favorite. We use my favorite lube, getting all frisky, I go down on him and he falls asleep. You can imagine what happens to little peter. I try for a little while, but I get rather irritated and go off to take a shower before the KY drives me insane.

    But lately, I'll be wore the hell out after a day of PT and get woke up at two in the morning for what seems to be a two minute bang. By the time he's done, I'm wide awake and pissed. I'm roaring and he's passed out with his itch scratched. By now you should know the routine.

    He loves to tease, but doesn't seem to understand my frustration when he doesn't carry through with his promises. Yes, I understand shit happens. No, I don't expect sex every day. Twice a week would be great, three times would put me in heaven. More would be awesome, but I'm happy with what I can get.

    Now, if you go by his bragging when he thinks I'm asleep, you'd think he was the king of porn. I usually mark that up as male one-upping and drift back off to sleep. I could care less about that.

    After all this, I'm wondering if there are things I can do to eliminate my sex drive. I'm tired of having to masturbate either before I come home (I know I'm not getting hanky panky) or get up at three am so I can get some sleep. I don't bother him for sex any more because it does no good. I figure he'll bug me when he's ready.

    But seriously guys. I know the sterotype is that ya'll can't get enough sex, ever, but it seems that I have the one guy that could happily live without it. It makes me regret ever having lost my virginity at times.
     
  2. Trond

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    "the man seemed to have tentacles everywhere":lol. Then he should be glad someone wants to have sex with him at all.

    Sorry. There have been both guys and girls around here complaining about too little sex, and I'm one of them (guys that is:)). Anyway, you're not alone. I have also more-or-less given up on having a "normal" sex life (whatever that is) with my SO, we are at less than once a month. This is a devilishly hard problem to handle, as people simply have very different libidos. It's hard enough to find someone that you get along with otherwise in life, let alone matching libidos as well. I wish I could help you more, but I have failed to find a good solution myself. I guess I have calmed down a little with time, but I still handle it myself most of the time. Literally :eyes
     
  3. studiocl

    studiocl New Member

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    hmm... sounds like it already become a routine and some1 may need to spice it up.
    have u try sex toy? may use it alone or in the sex if he dun mind.
    men like lingerie, dress up and it may help.

    ultimately...communication is the main thing
     
  4. almostthere

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    What a dumb ass. Sorry to hear your frustrated. If he's pulling that shit now just wait til your married ten years. How old are you? And how old is he?
     
  5. pbs

    pbs
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    I don't think it can be overemphasized how important sex can be in a relationship, especially when one partner isn't getting enough of it. It's been said that sex is the glue that holds a relationship together, and it's the grease that makes everything else in the relationship run smoothly, and from a biological standpoint, it's the reason men and women get together in the first place.

    It sounds like he's become bored with you, is selfish, or his passion for you has diminished, or all of the above. I would give serious thought to finding someone who would give me a bit more "consideration." IMhO of course.
     
  6. Alwayslearningsex

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    Sounds like a dead end not about to change.
     
  7. Meee

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    Welcome to the forums.

    You've shared with us a long list of complaints, which we can discuss. To start, I get the impression that you have different schedules. What are your schedules?
     
  8. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Short version: sounds like you 2 are out of sync and he feels like he can get it whenever he wants so no need to appreciate the opportunities he has.

    Your story very much reminds me of this thread in particular, read it for you might be heading towards this if you don't deal with it now:

    http://www.sexualforums.com/32285-i-cant-have-sex-with.html
     
  9. WhiskeyCharlie

    WhiskeyCharlie New Member

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    Well Meee, it started off when we both met on a remodel job. We both had jobs until four months into the relationship when I got laid off and began requesting more hours from my commanding officer. He continued working for another month until he was fired due to an argument with another coworker.

    My schedule was pretty loose up until two months ago when the base starting taking up more and more of my time. He hadn't been able to get a job until a few days ago. I was gone from three in the afternoon until ten o'clock at night, sometimes longer on the weekends. He stayed at home doing whatever the hell it is he found to do.

    It was about the same time period that the sex slowly began drying up. First, it started off as something as innocent as sex three or four times in an eight to twelve day period. Then he started falling asleep during bjs or just not being able to get it up at all, yet he would tell me that he had to jack off thirty minutes after I went to the base.

    Now, we might have sex once every fourteen to twenty days. Granted, it is rather good sex (unless he just can't control himself and busts a nut two minutes into it). He will bug the shit out of me for anal when I'm on my period. Problem is, I have endometriosis and cramp very, very badly. Needless to say, I don't want anything near either region when that time rolls around.

    Another thing that irritates me is that I have put forward (for the past five months) all the money as far as rubbers and any kind of sensual lube for myself. His idea of foreplay needs a little work. He does very well, but it needs to last a little longer. He wants to bitch about the condoms I choose, but due to his lack of ability to last longer than five minutes makes me choose things that maximize my pleasure. I mean really. How sorry is it that I have to combine KY for her and the specially lubricated condoms that make everything so sensitive that I nearly pass out a minute into it?

    As far as age goes, I'm 22 and he will be 30 in December. He loves to talk about his past "conquests" but to be honest, I really don't give a damn. I would prefer that he kept that kind of information to himself.

    I'm not sure where he is spending his energy on, but masturbation can only get me so far. I miss the closeness sex brought, as well as the release.
     
  10. Meee

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    Thank you for taking the time to explain all of that. We get a lot of posts like this on these forums. A person has a long list of complaints about her relationship, but then the only question she asks is about sex.

    Whiskey Charlie, the issues you have raised aren't about sex. Any problems you're having with sex are only a symptom. You're having relationship problems and they need to be discussed as relationship problems, not as sex problems.

    I'm hearing disrespect between you. I'm hearing inexperience in how to communicate. I'm hearing stress from work issues. I'm hearing demoralization from unemployment. I'm hearing fatigue. I'm hearing health problems.

    Those are the issues that need to be discussed. And here's the reward: when relationship issues are improved, sex often improves too. Sex can't be improved in the middle of a relationship that has unresolved problems. But work on the relationship problems, and you might be pleasantly surprised about your sex life too. Good luck.
     
    #10 Meee, Oct 27, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2011
  11. arugula

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    Listen to Meee...that is great advice.
     
  12. ply

    ply
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    Get your jollys as often as possible. With him or without him.

    He should get checked for a sleep disorder if he's to tired or disinterested to fuck at that tender young age.

    If he doesn't have a physical problem, shuck him. he isn't worth wasting your precious time on
     
  13. Alwayslearningsex

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    Yes, this is as close as it can be, and either things will get better if he gets out of his rut, or maybe not, butt communication is so important, going to the core of the issues. Pay attention to this advice.
     
  14. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    Communication is key. DW and I have similar issues. She's raring to go all the time and I'm not. We've talked about it frankly though and even though it's frustrating for her sometimes, we have an understanding. She's learned how to get me excited and to endure things she may not enjoy as much as I do to get me turned on. I have tried to be more attentive and initiate sex more often. She admits that while she likes the sex, the closeness and intimacy is all she really needs.

    The big difference is I am willing to compromise and your BF seems to not. Obviously we're hearing this from your side and you may have issues that you haven't told us about or aren't even aware of, but if you both aren't willing to work together to come to some kind of understanding, you need to start wondering why you're in the relationship. If you love him, talk to him, tell him what you what and listen to what he has to say and be open to the possibility that he may have some issues with your behavior too. Once you both know the problem(s), you can work together to fix them.
     
  15. Gummo

    Gummo Member

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    That's a drag, sex is a big thing in all my relationships. I have been VERY lucky as to meet women with very high libido to match mine.
    I did have a girlfriend early on that was stunningly sexy, but I was lucky to get it once a week.

    You can't just give up your sex drive, it's a beautiful thing...he just needs to wake up and "see" the issue.
     
  16. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    I hope this does not offend, it is not meant to. Perhaps his main interest was the "conquest" of a virgin. There are men who are motivated to be the "first" when they discover that the woman has not been with anyone else... and then the sexual interest wanes after the novelty wears off. He may have reached the point where he has done all the things he was interested in doing with you, and it does not excite him as much anymore. Him talking about his past "conquests" raises a warning flag in my mind, as someone more focused on the "chase" to add to the numbers, rather than settling down. You can try to open up the communication - but be prepared for things you might not want to hear. I wish you the best.
     
  17. TXGypsielady

    TXGypsielady New Member

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    I'd totally lose my mind Op I am so sorry this is happening to you. Perhaps talking to him about your thoughts on the matter would help and if not, perhaps he is not the right man for you? Ive seen marriages fall apart over this kind of thing. usually infedility is a result.