what does she see in him???

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by north, Jun 7, 2010.

  1. north

    north New Member

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    I have a number of friends & acquaintances who are with partners that don't seem worthy of them at all, at least to me as an outside observer.


    Scenario 1
    Met this older woman through a cooking course and was later introduced to her fiancé.
    He is bright, young (29) funny, cute, talented, educated, successful, considerate, a total gentleman and just all round wonderful.
    She has the worst case of verbal diarreah I've ever encountered, only ever talks about herself (classic attention seeker and totally oblivious of the fact), complains about everything under the sun, and is neither young (16 years his senior), intelligent, successful (cannot hold down a job) nor attractive.


    Scenario 2
    Met this guy through work. I was new at the company and he took me under his wing. Within a couple of days I figured out he was rather annoying and staggeringly inconsiderate, especially of his wife (whom I met later on)
    It's basically scenario 1 in reverse.
    She is smart, sweet, responsible, young (30), educated and down to earth.
    He is reckless, unintelligent and uneducated, also suffers from verbal diarreah, thinks he knows everything, has a criminal past, has been divorced a handful of times, is nowhere near attractive and is 25 years older than her, yet cannot hold down a job because of his personality.


    The only reason I maintain contact with these undesirables is because of their wonderful partners, who have grown to become my friends. But unfortunately I cannot have one in my life without the other. They are a package deal.

    I am trying hard to see these people through their partners' eyes and to look for the positive traits in them, but I'm just not coming up with anything that would justify anyone--let alone a real catch of a person--saying "yes! I want that one!"

    Why do intelligent, talented and attractive people go for men/women who are annoying, selfish, socially maladjusted, etc etc etc.. when they could do so much better?

    Really scratching my head over this one. :ugh

    I look forward to hearing everyone's input!
     
    #1 north, Jun 7, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
  2. Mittimer

    Gold Member

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    It's not about what YOU see in the person, it's about what THEY see.
    Trust me, I have friends like that, but I never try to put myself in their shoes, because it's not physically possible. I just bite my tongue and let things go. I try and be happy for my friends as long as they are happy too.
     
  3. NewGuy85

    NewGuy85 Active Member

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    Lol that's what I say. I don't try to figure out wtf is wrong with people. I just get along with them.

    But I agree in some respects. A huge pet peave of mine is seein loser guys with women who can do so much better. Like the kind of guy who clearly doesn't appreciate his woman. I have a few friends like that.

    Bottom line is some people (men and women) need to make some better choices and stop thinkin with their you-know-whats lol
     
  4. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    This is simply the application of the saying "opposites attract". :)

    The way folks interact in private with each other may be nothing like the way you see them. There are always two sides to the story, and usually we only see one side of others relationships, through our own filters. There are things that greatly annoy us that others do not see as that big a deal, and vice versa.

    I can remember in college one of my football teammates - a linebacker who fit the classic blonde, chiseled boy, charm the pants off of you male specimen and had more than a few woman approaching him for sex - started dating a woman in our junior year that most would likely place in the "loud, fat, and unattractive" category. There were more than a few "what the hell does HE see in HER besides sex?" comments. Then one day we ended up sitting at the same table at lunch, and I decided to strike up a conversation with her - and an hour later I had a TOTALLY different impression of her. I even wen to my friend and apologized, saying "now that I see more of the picture, it makes more sense".

    So yes, there are definitely folks who make bad decisions, and end up with someone perhaps out of their own fears and insecurity. But sometimes... we just do not see the whole relationship picture that might clear up a few things. Just something to consider.
     
  5. north

    north New Member

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    Thanks for your input! You all made valid points. I guess sometimes I just need to be reminded of these things in order to keep things in perspective.
     
  6. Hot Wheels

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    Ive long pondered this as well......
    This is a story I posted elsewhere on SF.....thought it may be relevent...

    Its always amazed me at the crap some girls put up with.....
    Years ago I was sitting in this bar one night having a quiet drink with a friend when the guy beside me gets into an argument with his girlfriend.
    All of a sudden he just king hits her...and I'm like....WTF...she falls back into the arms of her friends...bloody nose, split lip...you know....
    Now call it my "old school" upbringing or whatever, but I havent got much sympathy for a guy who could do that to a woman half his size.
    So I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around...I did exactly the same to him .....
    This dickhead is lying, moaning on the floor...
    I was at least expecting a "thank you my hero" or "how about a date" or something mushy like that....
    And what does she say??.....she screams out....Arrg, "look what you've done to my boyfriend""!!!!!"
    Then tries to attack me......then the bouncers ask my friend and I to leave.....
    Go figure that out".....:ugh
     
  7. Kanto

    Kanto Member

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    If people loved based upon being worthy or deserving, then no one would love anyone.