What do you know about your parents' sex life?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by boobjob, May 23, 2012.

  1. boobjob

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2011
    Messages:
    2,095
    Likes Received:
    1,109
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    east Coast
    I was trying to decide whre to post this and I decided that the heart of my question is about married relarionships and how to handle the subject of sex in a family setting. I am sure that a lot of SF mwmbers will feel that openness is best but I'm interested in actual experience. I suppose you can also answer how much do your kids know. Do you tell them "don't bother us we will be in the bedroom for a little while" do you engage in pda in front of them? Did your parents do that? My parents used to "sleep late" on weekends years later after a night of sex I suddenly had a sense memory and realized that my parents bedroom smelled of sex on those mornings. My wife has said that in her house they maintained the illusion that her parents had only had sex three times resulting in her and her brother and sister. I am theorizing that the attitude towards honesty about sex with your children can affect the quality as well as the quantity of sex in a marriage

    Any thought or comments?
     
  2. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2012
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    Great thread! I think it all depends on your kids, their ages, and your relationships between each other. My kids are fairly young (8 & 9) so I don't feel the need to discuss our sex life with them just yet (if ever). However; my husband and I are affectionate in front of them in a normal sense...they have witnessed the kisses and the occasional butt grabs but we’d never grind each other on the couch while they are watching the newest episode of Adventure Time (best cartoon ever!). They have questioned our integrated shower time and the response they get is we’re being conscientious of the earth’s limited resources! Which those two little tree huggers accept as a valid point. :)

    We as a family are also pretty open to asking questions and there really isn’t anything that is off limits to discussion. We just recently watched a miniseries called The Human Body that was produced by the BBC. One of the episodes was on conception. There was no mention of how the sperm gets inside the woman to impregnate the egg but it did have awesome graphics to support the trials and tribulations of the poor sperm on their quest. My oldest daughter was completely grossed out and I’m sure she will remain a virgin well into her 30’s. My youngest daughter on the other hand was rooting for the lopsided sperm with two tails.

    My point is that I think the way we approach the subject of sex with our kids will help shape part of how they respond to it later but that some of it is just who they are. We can give them the foundation of how to interact and love another person but ultimately their inherent need or lack of need for sexual gratification will come from within.
     
  3. boobjob

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2011
    Messages:
    2,095
    Likes Received:
    1,109
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    east Coast
    Thanks good post. I wasn't sure if I had explained my question. I guess I'm still intereested then in what you knew or know about your parents having sex.
     
  4. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    My parents didn't engage in much PDA. They were pretty quiet when they had sex, but my Dad used Trojans and I remember recognizing the sound, through the door of our adjoining bathroom, of him peeling off a condom and flushing it... every now and then. That's all I know of their sexual activities. Pretty vanilla, I think.
     
  5. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2012
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    I come from a "broken home" with a crazy mom who was/is part hippy and part psychotic. That translates to long winded lectures on how sex is a beautiful thing for when a man and woman truly love each other…everything else is dirty and disgusting…and only committed by sluts.

    Then I grew up and realized my mother is extremely insecure about her own sexuality and will always have issues that she feels the rest of the world should harbor. Little did she know that would only make her precious little girl a naughty little “slut”!

    My approach: I will be honest with my own girls. I hope to teach them that sex is natural but is not to be given away freely to every person who asks for it. That sex is much more fulfilling when you have an honest connection with the other person that transcends the act of fornication.
     
  6. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2012
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    lol! I still don't think I answered your question. I did not witness much PDA with my mom and her second husband or any of her boyfriends. She would sometimes do this weird little girl flirt thing that I found repulsive even as a child. As far as I knew she was a born again virgin...
     
    #6 Slipikins, May 23, 2012
    Last edited: May 23, 2012
  7. Miamia

    Miamia Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2012
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Germany
    Since I was born my mother was single most of the time. We never talked about sex. When she had a boyfriend, I never knew if they had any sex. For me it was not so clear that it is something that belongs to life. I rather thought it was something "optional", like a hobby. Some people play soccer, some collect stamps, some have sex.
     
  8. boobjob

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2011
    Messages:
    2,095
    Likes Received:
    1,109
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    east Coast
    Hmmmm collecting stamps vs having sex?

    I think... Oh what the hell if I have to choose I'll take the sex.

    LOL
     
  9. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    Growing up, my parents were pretty stict catholics....never talked about it, no signs of it asside from myself and sisters.

    My kids know we do it, we aren't shy about it. We started the sex talks when they were about 7, still talking and they are 13 and 15. We are open about our feelings for eachother and have no problem with PDAs.
     
  10. RideNaked2

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2011
    Messages:
    1,075
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    I was open with my children from the time that they knew of sex. If they had questions, I answered them openly and honestly. My children are all adults now (g-25, g-20 & b-19). My oldest came to me when she was a JR in high school...told me that she thought she was ready to have sex and wanted to go to the doctor. I made an appt, went with her. The doctor (female) asked me to step out of the room as teens seem to be more open if the parents are not there. My daughter told the doctor that she would be 100% honest but could I stay. The doctor was impressed that she was that open with me...this was also my doctor. Long story short, my daughter decided after DR explained the exam, she wasn't ready to engage in sex just yet. She opted to wait on birth control...but would let the Dr and myself know when she was ready. She did come to me a few weeks later, said she had sex the night before-was protected with a condom but that she wanted me to make an appt asap. I did, I also told the doctor that she had already taken the plunge...the doctor, knowing both of us as she did, called in a script for her (she had already done blood work and preg. test at the prior appt) and we followed up with the appt.

    My middle daughter came and talked to me before she choose to get pregnant at 17. I did try to talk her out of it...but in all honesty, what can you do to stop it. Her mind was set and she is VERY stubborn. I did think that she would wait a little longer than she did. She at 20 is now the mother of a wonderful 2 1/2 year old. She is a great Mom, very affectionate with my grand daughter.

    My son came and talked to me before he choose to engage in sex...asked me for condoms. We talked about the pros/cons and what would happen if he didn't protect himself as well as the girl. We basically had the "sex talk" so to speak. I did buy condoms for him as his mind was also made up.

    I always tried to be affectionate where ever I was. It didn't/still doesn't matter if we are at home or out in public. I hug and kiss...the occasional grab ass.

    I am a firm believer that talking to kids about sex early in their lives helps them in many ways. My parents never talked about sex with me at all! Still don't. My father knows that I am a mod on here but I could NEVER tell my mother. I don't share anything with my mother or father. I do talk sometimes with my sister but not much. It does bother my family that I've been so open with my children; however, my children waited much longer to have sex then most of their friends. My 20 year old had her first sexual experience with another girl. She experimented - and I supported that 100%. It is not the schools responsibility to teach your children about sex, it should start at home.
     
  11. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2011
    Messages:
    221
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Midwest
    My parents NEVER talked about sex when we were kids. Everything I learned, I learned from my friends, my two older sisters, or reading. I distinctly remember my dad trying to have "the talk" with me at the age of 16, but he struggled with it, and I just told him that I'd already taken biology, lol. PDA's were few, my mom and dad kissing before they went to work, etc. Sadly, there was very little hugging or the like between any of us.

    I'm not trying to judge my parents, by any means, or find fault with their ways. I do know that I still deal with personal issues that grew out of this void on a regular basis. It's actually one of the reasons I joined this forum.

    T
     
  12. Alwayslearningsex

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2010
    Messages:
    2,248
    Likes Received:
    790
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    I KNOW they had sex, they had kids together :lol
    That's all I know and that's enough.
     
  13. daletom

    daletom New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2011
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St Louis, Mo
    Well, I know my parents had four kids . . .

    My folks were affectionate in a very acceptable way. Kissing, holding hands, a little cuddling on the couch while watching TV. I occasionally saw a rather passionate hug, though don't recall ever seeing a boob fondled or ass grabbing.

    I was kind of late (14 or 15, and well into my own puberty) before I fully comprehended what sex was all about, what really happens in intercourse, etc - and it had never occurred to me to think of my parents in that context, so if there had been any clues before then, they slipped completely past me. From then through my college years I think I heard the sounds of sex coming from their bedroom only twice - and those times were the sounds of people moving on the bed, not any kind of vocalized passion.

    Through my school years, even into High School, my mother would make breakfast and see us off while still in pajamas. Very chaste, totally non-revealing. She is rather small breasted, probably about 34-B, and didn't wear a bra under her pajamas. I was around that 15 year old age mentioned above when I suddenly became aware of her nipples poking through the pajama tops. I know I had observed that many times before, but it hadn't made any particular impression on me. And no, I didn't have ANY lust for my mother, but that's when I became fascinated by girls' boobs on general.

    When I became engaged at age 22, my dad initiated a few conversations about marriage. (Actually useful stuff - things like housekeeping and finances as well as husband/wife relations. Most of it I already knew, but I'm glad he did that.) From a few tangential remarks I got the impression he wished there had been more sex between him and my mom, but I was too embarrassed to ask about that. A week or two before I was married I was in conversation with my mom, talking about wedding plans and arrangements, and somehow it came up that I was looking forward to having sex and sleeping with my wife. That wasn't the real subject of the conversation, and it didn't come out in exactly those words, but the meaning was there. (My wife & I were wedding-night virgins, so "looking forward to having sex" is certainly a gross understatement!) My mother dismissed the comment with that, "Oh, you're JUST LIKE your father!" line - and I sort of had the impression that she tolerated sex more often than she enjoyed it.

    Our own kids (now 32, 29, and 22) saw more affection between my wife and I. No ass-grabbing, but my wife is also small breasted and likes to go braless, so my hand often discretely slips up inside her shirt when we embrace. All 3 kids have mentioned that they have heard sounds of passion coming from our bedroom. Our daughter mentioned, when she was college age, that it really embarrassed her. (She and her husband have, I believe, a good strong marriage of 7 years but are not openly affectionate.)
     
  14. boobjob

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2011
    Messages:
    2,095
    Likes Received:
    1,109
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    east Coast
    Thanks foe sharing. Talk about wedding reminds me that my mom gave my wife some super sexy lingerie as a wedding shower present. We laughed a lot about it but she wore it a lot and we had some great sex when she was wearing it. It snapped at the crotch and was great for fucking. :)
     
  15. Dragon_Fire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Mum and dad somehow had me, then separated a few years later so I have no idea what their sex life was like.

    I was raised by rather prudish grandparents so I have no idea what went on there.

    I lived with my dad and stepmother during my teens and they slept in twin single beds. Sometimes the beds were pushed together so I guess that meant they were upto something but I never heard them.

    I re-met my mother when I was 18 and she's been very open about her sex life but this maybe have been because she didn't raise me so she didn't feel the mother/daughter awkwardness some do.
     
  16. OverSinged

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,217
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    OK
    Not much, I don't care to know. Mom's always been fairly open with it about me, and kept me supplied with condoms when I was younger, even when most people realized I probably wouldn't be getting laid any time soon XD Also got a "don't go to porn sites" talk from my stepdad after my sister crashed the computer by doing something stupid on myspace...
     
  17. bt1257

    bt1257 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2011
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I know that my parents have sex enough that I was conceived, unfortunately.
     
  18. CurvedUp

    CurvedUp Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Sadly never had the conversion with my kids. My daughter is 20, so is 15. I am sure they are aware what sex is.

    As for my parents. They did it at least five times. Five kids. My mom being a Catholic, I was shocked to realize at 17 after doing some math with the girl friend at the time and my grandmother, that I was either premature by three months or mom and dad participated in pre-marital sex. My grandma said don't saying.

    There was only one time that I had ever heard odd noises coming from their room. I was in eight grade. A few months later, found out that I was going to have another sibling. Now, learning about sex in 7th grade sex ed. I knew what the sounds were.

    It was odd to see your mother pregnant. Here is what is more odd. Until then, I thought that God choose just how many times this happened. Crossed wires between Science and Religion.

    Jump to having been married myself, sex/love making after kids, became a stumbling block and a long down hill slide for the marriage. She didn't want to as they got older. I am thinking it was more than that.
     
  19. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    My parents never discussed their sex life at the time and I think my father was almost asexual. I talked about sex with my mother later in her life and I know she never had an orgasm, ever, but that's a lot of what sex was like at that time. Christianity insisted they be ignorant, so ignorant they were.

    With my children, now 22 and 20, we didn't hide that, as well as being parents we were also sexual, and our time was our time together. I wanted them to grow in an environment where sex is a normal and healthy part of relationships, and I also wanted the freedom for us to have sex during the day or in different rooms of the house without being disturbed. I added to the sex education my son learned in school by adding the 'romance and arousal' part. He knew all about condoms and birth control, but still knew little of what moved sex from basic coupling to something special.

    My daughter has been in a relationship for 2 years, and that's obviously sexual.
     
  20. Splendid_Thoughts

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2011
    Messages:
    1,639
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    South East Australia
    Well, I thonk I am in the minority here in that my parents (who have been married for 43 years now) were always open and honest about their attraction to each other. Usually, if their bedroom door was closed, it was a signal to the 4 of us kids to knock first and wait for them to say "Come in". When we were younger, we waited...as we got older we understood it was their 'special' time and left them to their ownn devices.

    My mum and I have spoken about sex a fair bit over the years...things that turn us on...likes and dislikes. If we wanted to discuss something, we usually did.

    My parents were also openly affectionate around us but nothing inaproporiate. We all always kissed and hugged our parents goodnight (even after we'd been told off!!) and to this day, if I am visiting them, I give them a kiss and hug.

    I am always grateful that my parents never felt the need to hide sex and sexuality from us. It has helped me to be as relaxed and open about it as I am. :)