This is more an opportunity to get this off my chest than anything else. Background: I have partial erectile dysfunction from spinal column nerve damage, so I need to take medications to get an erection. I take Cialis three times a week and get very strong morning erections. I have been married for 28 years to a woman who was a virgin when we married, and she is happy to have sex with me at anytime and she enjoys it in her own way. However she is sexually passive beyond belief and, over the years, has become less and less physically attractive to me. For example when we have sex even though she is happy to have it, she basically just lies there like a lump. If I don't do all the work then we would get nowhere. My erectile dysfunction gets worse and I rely on trimix injection therapy which is as strong as it gets. Sadly, even that doesn't work anymore. I have two relationships which she doesn't know about, with married women who, ironically, have husbands who are unable to physically have sex with them. Both women are sexual normal in that they give, receive and openly demonstrate that they are having a good time. I get hard straight away with both women and have no difficulties. So I have this wife who's a lovely woman and who I don't want to leave, but she won't extend herself sexually, she refuses to expand her repertoire beyond just laying and waiting and I don't know what to do. What do you do with a person who claims she loves you but behaves this way, sexually? She digs her heels in, refuses to consider other variations to sex the same way every time, refuses to get active beyond half-hearted blow jobs in a vain attempt to get me hard. At our age and divorce would be a financial disaster, and this is the case with the two married women who I see. Divorce would be a financial disaster for them so an affair with me is the one way they can release sexual tension. So we have three people in long-term marriages all with the same problem. It can't be just us three and there must be many more similar. The thing is I cannot understand why someone would refuse to engage sexually because there is so much pleasure to be had from good sex. You can't discuss or negotiate with her because she just refuses, point blank. The big issue with sex and couples is that it always gets reduced to the lesser: if one refuses sex totally the other misses out, if one refuses to participate actively the other misses out. Very common. End of story for me, but I am not looking forward much to the future.