What do you all think??

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by CuriousCo, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. CuriousCo

    CuriousCo New Member

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    Hi All!

    I am new here and came for a few reasons, to better my already amazing sex life with my BF but to also ask questions as to what others may think. Bottom line regardless of what is said here, I feel as I do for a reason but I sure would like to hear other responses.

    My BF and I are very open in the bedroom, our moto "we will try anything once" We have fun all the time in and out of bed and we never actually fight, we have disagreements but move on right after, well Friday night was much different. He was going out with 2 co-workers and they wanted to hit this Strip club, now I do not normally mind going at all. Sometimes they are fun, but in my eyes if you are with a partner, there is no participation of anykind. ( I know some say why go but) Our strip clubs are supposed to be no touching whatso ever from either side, they do have rooms that are all nude if you pay for them as well, and I bet although I do not know, there are rooms for participation but......My BF and I got into a huge argument over it.
    Men/women who are in commited relationships should not be putting this nose in another womans Ass, pussy, having another woman's titts rubbed across thier face nor should she doing running her self down them. Now I am only saying if they are in a relationship. To me that is very disrespectfull.... (Again, some wont agree)
    About 3 months ago, I decided to get my clit pierced, the owner was a male and had been doing it for years as opposed to the girl that was thier who had only been doing it for a year. He expressed very well he did not want another man looking our touching my pussy even if it was his job. So I took my chances and alloweed the girl to do it and all is well, no worries.
    How is it any different for me to pay a man for something that was not pleasureable, that benefits us both to do something that didnt turn me on, as opposed to paying a girl to pleasure him when your GF gives you all and more. PLUS, no offense but you dont know what thier sexual status is and what they have been doing, why would you want to be near someone that you have no clue over.

    I have never been jealous with him, have always always trusted him beyond a doubt, but to me this is crossing the line, unacceptable and literally makes me sick to think another woman is pleasuring him like this even if his hands are to himself. He has always said he will do annything with me but share, well in my eyes this is sharing and I want no part of it. We both have also said we cant stomach either one touching another, again, how is this acceptable then? Is it because you dont know her, your paying her. Well I can not know another man and pay him to do things with me.

    He has said he has dated strippers before, dated and being in love with a stripper in my eyes is different. I have no issue with STRIP CLUBS or women who do it for money, it is thier life and I am plenty fine with it, maybe I only feel this way because we are together in a relationship. I just couldnt handle being in love with someone who has this proffesion, its just not me.

    Please Please Please I hope no one takes offense to this post, I am not at all showing negativity of anysort to ANYONE who is or likes these things, all I am saying is it is not for me and wanted to know if I was the only retard out there that feels this way.

    Thanks
     
  2. Dreama

    Gold Member

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    Well, I feel like the jealousy on both ends is a little silly. But, that's just my opinion. I really think that this is something that you should discuss with you SO though...You two have to set your own boundaries and you both need to compromise with one another. I feel like this could be a great opportunity to discuss why you are jealous, and work through that with your partner. It doesn't matter what any of us say, or whose side we take. Ultimately, you've got to get this problem solved by working it out between the two of you, whatever our opinions might be.
     
  3. FlirtyChick

    Gold Member

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    I agree with Dreama. You two should communicate and determine why you have these jealousies, and decide if you have trust. I could care less if my husband does this because I trust him. The girls are doing thier jobs, and I get the benefits later! You two have to do what is right for you, and even if your relationship is great otherwise, this could prove to be a big deal if you don't go ahead and deal with it now.
     
  4. sexyJ

    sexyJ New Member

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    Im no help here because I LOVE when my hubby goes to the strip club. He comes home smelling like pussy juice and is all hor and bothered and I reap all the benifits..

    But If it bothers you that bad than you really should find out why...Alot of women dont like it because they are insecure with themselfs and feel like they can not compete with a stripper. There only there to make money they dont want your men, infact they probably have one waiting at home :)
     
  5. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I agree with Dreama (and Flirty)...the whole thing that makes strip bars and lap-dances so entertaining is the tease factor. (Now that said, a stripper was about to mount up and rode me bareback once in a strip bar...I stopped the action because that would definitely qualify as cheating in my mind and Flirty's...couldn't do it.) Now, if Flirty got a clit-piercing, I'd want a hot guy doing it...and I'd probably tip him if he got her off while he was doing it. :brow

    I think you guys should just work out what your boundaries are, because there does seem to be jealousy on both sides, and lack of fairness at least on his side. I personally think that fairness with these sorts of things is really important. We don't get to have our cake and eat it too, when you're in a relationship you have to compromise, take turns, and consider what is good for each other and not just yourselves.

    [BD gets on his soapbox] I personally do not like jealousy, and think it's one of the worst things you can let yourself feel. It feels much better to let go and free your partner. Try it and see. BUT, also make it clear to him that you expect the same consideration in return. I would much rather someone be with me because they truly WANT to rather than because I have chained them to me. If you've chained them to you, you never really know if they WANT to be with you or they are just trapped. With me? It's a very liberating feeling to just let go...and it's also very reassuring to take the "chains" off your partner and watch them not run away. Can ya dig it? ;) [End of soapbox]

    HTH,
    Dave
     
  6. CuriousCo

    CuriousCo New Member

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    Thank you for replying! I appreciate you giving your thoughts. I agree with you on talking with him, but it isnt doing me any good. I have never been jealous with him before so why now and why this. We watch movies and what not together and none of that bothers me at all, maybe it is just the up front close and personal thing. I just dont want another female touching him in any manner that is intended to be sexual. I hope overtime I get over it or we find a compromise. I dont mind he goes and watches but dont want the participation of it all.




     
  7. CuriousCo

    CuriousCo New Member

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    BD: I understand the tease factor, but I guess I still dont like it at all. Again, I hope we compromise or I get over it. There is alot to the story that is too long and personal to mention but.... I agree thier is a jealous issue here apparently, just never felt it before till now. I was so uncomfortable I had tears in my eyes and I have never felt that uncomfortable, didnt help that he acted as I wasnt sitting next to him. :mad

    And that is exactly my point, dont get to have your cake and eat it as well. I love my piercing and personally I see it as entirely different situation but I thier is no fairness here and I wish I knew why some guys fly done one way streets. We have never had anything to compromise or fight over in the 8 months we have been together, so Friday was all new to me and I shocking to say the least. I do love him very much and we are perfect together minus this issue. So.....

    As far as your last paragraph I love it and I am going to put into words exactly what you did in this entire thing and see if I can make him understand my feelings as well as his and compromise and let go of the jealousy that is there and move forward!


     
  8. CuriousCo

    CuriousCo New Member

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    Completely agree, I havent talked with him about it since that night, but I think I might soon. I was trying to let myself think before I speak!:eyes

     
  9. CuriousCo

    CuriousCo New Member

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    Well I guess due to jealousy or insecurities, that is what I dont like, him getting hot and bothered by someone else and then coming hm to me. LOL Sound stupid right now but....:ugh

     
  10. FlirtyChick

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    Yes, give yourself time to work it out, and go to him with a mature and reasonable discussion. I am telling you from experience, jealousy and the feelings that go along with it are bad news. Good luck hun!:)
     
  11. CuriousCo

    CuriousCo New Member

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    Thanks FC, I hope we can work this out, there are some reasons for the insecurities and jealousy but......I need to work past them and not let them in.

     
  12. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    No, you don't sound stupid...you sound human. ;) But, ask yourself this question...why do you NOT want him to get hot and bothered by someone else, then come home and take it out on you? You'll probably get some good sex out of it. :D (And conversely, why would he NOT want you to get hot and bothered by someone else and come home and take it out on him? He'll get some good sex out of it! :p) I know this is a big leap, but bear with me here, OK?

    Here's a reality: just because you are in a relationship with someone (boyfriend, spouse, whatever) simply does not mean that you will NEVER see anyone else that you find attractive enough to just throw them down and fuck their brains out. If you two are together long term, he will get crushes and infatuations with other people, and YOU will also get crushes and infatuations with other people. It does not mean we don't truly love our long-term SO's...it just means we are human, we are wired to be this way. It's entirely possible to have a deep emotional connection with one person, and feel lust toward one (or more) others. That's a perfectly normal human response. You can choose to expend that energy in a positive way ("I'm turned on by so-and-so and I'm going to fuck your brains out because of it! Lay back and enjoy!") or you can choose to expend that energy in a negative way ("Let's argue and fight over who's jealous over who, and why"). Which of those sounds better to you? Can ya dig it?

    It's OK to feel any way that you might feel. We can't help that, it's chemical responses in our bodies. What really counts (when it becomes right or wrong) is what you choose to do with those feelings. That's where you have to stop and think. Would you agree? You have to choose what you do with feelings of lust you might have for someone else...you also have to choose what you do with feelings of jealousy over the above. These are conscious choices that you both have to make. Human beings are capable of thinking and reasoning rather than just acting on instinct (that's what seperates us from other animals)...we should use that ability for our and our SO's best interests.

    If you drop your insecurities, inhibitions, etc. and gently work with him to drop his too, you guys can use all those feelings to heat up your sex life with each other rather than having them be a point of contention in your relationship.

    My wife gets totally turned on by watching me get a lap-dance from a hot stripper (and strippers will usually entertain the ladies just as much as the men!). Guess what? We can't wait to get home and bang it out. I get totally turned on by some of her erotic chats, or by knowing she's upstairs buzzing herself into a new dimension with a toy. Guess what? I can't wait to throw her down and do her. We both get turned on by one of us pretending to be someone we know the other thinks is hot. Oh how hot that is!

    In fact, if you can both manage to keep each other thinking about sex all day long, your sex life will go from good to friggin' awesome. By the time you both get home, you'll be ready to pounce on each other.

    BUT...before any of this is possible, you both just have to consciously decide to drop inhibitions and insecurities.

    Oh, and probably the most important thing...communicate, communicate, communicate. Then communicate some more. Allow each other to say exactly how you feel and exactly what you think without either of you getting angry or either of you creating a bunch of drama. If you "punish" someone for being open and honest, guess what? They stop being open and honest. I think most of us WANT open and honest communication with our SO's, it's just hard to get...you have to work at it, make each other feel comfortable and emotionally safe in saying whatever it is that they think/feel, and do NOT punish each other for being open and honest, EVEN if one of you doesn't particularly like what you're hearing.

    HTH babe!
    BD
     
  13. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    Some excellent advice here by PP, I have nothing to add to it, just wanted to give you a *hug* and let you know I'll be thinking of you and sending you some *articulation* vibes so you can tell him what you want to say without getting all muddled up :D
     
  14. CuriousCo

    CuriousCo New Member

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    RQ: Thank you so much, I appreciate it. We talked a bit about things and I think things will get better. We have alot to finish talking about but all in all I hope things will work for us!
     
  15. CuriousCo

    CuriousCo New Member

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    Your just awesome is all I can say!! THANKS!