What am I Doing Wrong?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by bryanedp9, Aug 24, 2012.

  1. bryanedp9

    bryanedp9 Member

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    So I've been trying to get out and meet women lately. Maybe not trying, but entertaining the idea. I wouldn't mind dating or a casual relationship or something, so I talk to women if I see somebody that looks interesting. I even joined some online dating sites since I don't get out but a few times a month. I'm a younger guy, and not in the best shape of my life, but I don't think I look atrocious. Here is me, for reference:

    [​IMG]

    I'm educated, kind of a free thinker, and okay at conversation, but I typically get turned down pretty quickly in person. I've found the online thing is horrible and annoying, and I usually don't last too long there. I've been on a few dates from the online stuff, and they were all a little off.

    When I'm in better shape, it seems like it's easier, and that's made me a little resentful of how people work.

    Anyway, for you dudes that manage to "date up", how do you do it? I feel like I can't hang it anymore. Advice (however cliched it may be) is appreciated.
     
  2. Texas_Red

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    IMO dating sites are a waste of time if you aren't rich, in your physical prime, and are willing to spend hours carefully crafting your profile. The expectations seem retardedly high.

    My only suggestion is to start going out with friends, just keep being social. You'll probably meet a lot of girls via said friends and friends of theirs, etc.
     
  3. bryanedp9

    bryanedp9 Member

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    I think the problem might be my social networking. Most of the time my outings are like this: Evan - Starring in SuperBad - YouTube

    So I'm gonna work on not being drunk when I meet new people and see if that helps any.
     
  4. a_high_bitch

    a_high_bitch New Member

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    Sweetie, don't blame yourself! You'll find the right per on, I know it.
     
  5. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    *hugs*
    I feel your pain. Always getting turned down myself. So far, I've heard that it's all in the confidence, though there are plenty of folk out there who are way too shallow, or expect the fairy-tale man that they were taught to expect out of life.

    Guess all the advice I gotta give is keep trying. You might get someone who takes you up on that date, even if it takes a thousand rejections. I wish you luck in your endeavors.
     
  6. bryanedp9

    bryanedp9 Member

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    The Boomhauer approach. I'll try it.
     
  7. Texas_Red

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    Yeah, I'd think that would help at least a bit.
     
  8. CosmicEye

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    All about confidence. Im learning that. Even talking to a girl at a gas station gets you noticed.
     
  9. OverSinged

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    That's my problem, I usually don't just go up and talk to people. Exceptions being cashiers n such, but even then most of the time I say thank you and walk right on off.
     
  10. Ready2Please

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    Do you have any hobbies? Like sports? You could always join a sports league.

    I am on a football team and I am signing up for a kickball team. You look like a good looking man.
     
  11. bryanedp9

    bryanedp9 Member

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    Oh man, I would definitely start a kickball league in a hurry. I do ride motorcycles a lot, and used to do music performance in bands and such. Music was how I met most women in the day.
     
  12. a_high_bitch

    a_high_bitch New Member

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    I can honestly say that a guy hasn't come up to me at a gas station and started talking to me.
     
  13. DoctorMcNasty

    DoctorMcNasty New Member

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    At the risk of sounding cliche ... go out man. Social events,bars,clubs, beaches, anywhere you can talk to someone new without making yourself into a creep. The best addition to that I can give you is be yourself and act natural. Noone likes someone who stumbles on his words. I don't know you personally so its hard to tailor the advice.

    Burn the online dating.

    Don't worry about rejection, the worst that can happen is that you wind up in the same place you where before you threw it out there. And umm... if your looking for a relationship, don't go for the skanky looking ones at the bar. Look for smiling women who are having a good time. Just remember, be confident and asured but not concieted. Also, try common intrest groups/clubs, things you enjoy.

    PS. The not in good shape thing is a crutch. Your just giving yourself a reason and an excuse to bomb. In my opion(whatever that's worth:)) that is the smallest of factors. Unless its really bad. Which I don't think it is.

    Probably a little verbose, but hope it helps.
     
    #13 DoctorMcNasty, Aug 25, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2012
  14. a_high_bitch

    a_high_bitch New Member

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    Does it count for anything if I think you're cute?
     
  15. bryanedp9

    bryanedp9 Member

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    Ha. Even like this?

    [​IMG]

    I'm not trying to be down on myself about my looks, I'm just not sure what I'm doing wrong. I know I'm a little different than a lot of people (I'd imagine more than a few of us are here) so maybe I'm just on a different frequency than the people I bump into.
     
    #15 bryanedp9, Aug 25, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2012
  16. a_high_bitch

    a_high_bitch New Member

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    ohmigosh. SUCH a turn on. :eyes
     
  17. bryanedp9

    bryanedp9 Member

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    I try ;)
     
  18. almostthere

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    I had a buddy whos theory was, if i ask 1000 woman out chances are someone will say yes. He talked to everyone. It works. Hang in there dude your young.
     
  19. Priapus

    Priapus New Member

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    ^^^^I agree with this, and don't try to hard just be yourself.
     
  20. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    See...What she's saying is - if you talk to her at a gas station, you're displaying a show of balls that no other guy has shown her before.

    3 step process. Instigate, Isolate, Escalate. What you say matters very little, what matters is that the things you say invoke a feeling of being comfortable with you, and not a fearful response of fight or flight.

    Make trite or trivial observations, and if she talks back you've successfully instigated. Then ask about something like going somewhere quieter, like it'd be more comfortable.

    Here's a very key thing. When you suggest something, the default answer is yes. Suggest what you want to do. If you go passive on this, then the default answer is yes. "You wouldn't be that into me yet, would you?" Answer- you're right, you're a lose, I'm moving on. "It's too loud here, let's go somewhere quieter." Answer - yes, okay, let's do that. And you've isolated her.

    Then escalate.

    There's signs she's turned on that are commonly missed. Touching her neck.

    Understand this - sex is a dangerous thing, and a woman openning her legs is allowing herself to be vulnerable to danger. It makes a lot of things seem like they make sense in a way you never realized, this is why the neck is such a sexual thing. When animals try to kill eachother, they try to tear out the throat. It's a kill shot. A woman tilting her head, touching her neck... Those are signals saying that she's willing to be vulnerable to you. If you don't escalate when these kind of signals are given - you're a loser that is rejecting her.

    Women aren't less horny than men.

    Women just have subconscious games in their head designed to disguise their sexual status. Women are horny during ovulation, but they need to be attractive to men all the time - not just when they're going to get pregnant, and in particular when they feel the least attractive. Because of the monthly variation from being on their period at a low point to ovulation as a high point in terms of libido, they have to act the same. And because they have a body agenda that makes this a necessity, females learn to be deceptive.

    So you have to learn the signals and what women want.

    What you need to read about is pick up artistry. I know back when I was dating before I met my wife, I heard all the "be yourself" and "you need self confidence" type advice, but it didn't really tell me what to do or make anything make sense.

    But the nice guy stuff has it's place, so don't get too dark or anything. Assuming some day you'd like a long term relationship, that is when the nice guy stuff is needed- but you'll always need to keep up the pick-up artist stuff too to keep your future wife wanting you.