Well, shit.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Jayce, Oct 2, 2009.

  1. Jayce

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    So, my girlfriend and I were messing around about a month ago. We've had frequent intimacy and no problems ever arose. About a month ago when we were messing around, I was trying not to kill the mood, but I truly had to go to the bathroom real bad. As a result, the thought of accidentally unloading at the wrong time kept crossing my mind. So.. I went soft. First time ever. Fucking sucked.

    So almost a month passes without us doing anything, which is largely in part due to conflicting work schedules, plus we don't live together so that's an added curve ball to it.

    We were hanging out tonight, things got heated, and bam. No, I didn't have to piss. But SHIT did that embarrassing feeling from before completely take over my fucking mind. So I went soft. Again. For the 2nd time in a row. But this time, for no direct reason.

    So, naturally, I feel like there's a big target sitting on my soft patch of dick. Embarrassment overwelms. Now, keep in mind, she's a pretty optimistic team player here, saying it's no big deal and telling me not to worry about it, she understands, etc.

    But, damnit! This fucking sucks, and considering I'm super paranoid over every damn thing that happens in my life I can't help but to wonder if this will keep happening.

    I don't believe I have a real issue here besides the mind tricks my stupidass brain plays when we start to fool around.

    For example, whenever I masturbate, rock solid boner.

    When we were fooling around and I was using my hands/mouth on her, rock solid boner.

    Shorts come off, thoughts start rolling, and downnnnnn we go!

    It's not like I don't find her attractive. I find her insanely beautiful, moreso than any other girl I've ever seen.

    YET MY FUCKING BRAIN HAS TO KILL IT.



    Anybody else ever in this situation? What did you do? How did you fix it? What were the circumstances? How long did it take to overcome?
     
  2. heelfetish

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    I haven't been in that situation (yet), but one thing I do know is that you get caught in a vicious cycle... The more you worry about it, the worse your problem gets. I don't have any magical solution for you, just know that the problem is purely psychological, you CAN overcome it.
     
  3. Mr n Mrs Smyth

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    (Him)Well you just need to focus im reckoning. if its hard when you are playing with her then that is you getting hard over pleasuring her so maybe if she talks a little dirty or moans a little then that may help you keep hard. Im real tired at the minute so im not 100% but if im on tomorrow ill delve deeper to try and find an answer for you.
     
  4. Jayce

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    I also have to make sure to keep the damn TV off. When the TV is on playing an episode of a TV show I saw before, it's hard to concentrate when you know what the next line will be. That's what happened last time.

    It just sucks because it will be very hard to control my mind from wandering. But next time I think we just need to kind of switch off a little sooner on what we're doing. I'm one of those guys who just likes to take control at the beginning and really sass her up a bit, so I'm thinking we just need to get a mutual thing going on sooner than later, at least until I can focus more.

    One thing I've been trying to do is work with this on my own time. This week that time of the month so intimacy is pretty much non existent this week, plus we each have conflicting work schedules, so I've been trying to do something solo... where I would actually think about it in a negative way while masturbating intentionally, so that way I can learn the feelings of it and learn how to focus. So far since I've posted this, I feel better. Each time I'm done masturbating I feel more and more confident, but ultimately next time we'll just have to keep the TV off and keep my eyes (and ears) focused on her.

    I really think that was a large part of it, and once it went down my self esteem just kind of got shot to shit. Not cause of her. She was very supportive. But damn, I just felt blah.

    We'll see how it goes next time...
     
  5. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    You prob is definitely psychological dude. Hmmm...try a different position next time. Instead of getting into the position where you've gone soft, choose a different position. For instance, if you go soft trying to get into missionary, flip over and have her get on top and fuck the snot out of you.

    Since it's psychological, the more you worry about it the worse it will become...BUT, break the pattern a time or three and the issue will be gone.

    BD
     
  6. Jayce

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    That's where the problem started. Because it happened once, even for a completely bogus and understandable reason (when I had to piss really bad but wasn't too keen on ruining the moment), because of that it's always brought to the surface of my brain.

    Fuck, paranoia sucks.
     
  7. Jayce

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    Well, something good happened today.

    Same scenario as before, things get heated and I started working my magic on her. About 20 minutes in after she had gone once, she said to stop and kind of laid there. Jokingly, she said "I think I pulled a you." At first I was confused, but then I realized - she had to pee so bad it was effecting her concentration on what was happening. Not only that, but I was doing a mixture of oral + fingers on her at the time, so it was pretty much the exact same scenario as what happened to me.

    She told me her thought process was:

    "Wow this feels great."
    "Eh, I have to pee..."
    "I can hold it. I'm all right."
    "Still feels good."
    "Is it just not working cause I have to pee?"
    "OH MY GOD I HAVE TO PEE."

    Moral of the story is, it not only happened to her, but she also understands the way I was feeling on a much better level. Knowing that it happened to her next time things get heated makes me feel more confident about me being okay. Even this time my heart was going insane, and I wasn't too sure if I'd be okay at first, but then later I was fine and she ended up spawning the mood killer. :lol

    Also - another thing I tried that seemed to work was... I tend to masturbate pretty frequently (once a day at least) which, at times in the past, has kind of interfeared with my "speed" at getting done. AKA - if I masturbated in the morning, and hours later she comes over and things heat up, it would take a bit longer for me to finish.

    I did something that I didn't think I could ever have the self control to do. I stopped masturbating for the last 6 days. I did this with the idea that when her and I get heated up again, that my dick would be more likely to explode in excitement instead of shrivvling cause it's freaked out. Know what I mean?

    Although at first that theory didn't seem to work, ultimately it did and I was really revved up. But, she had to tinkle. :lol

    Anyway, I'm feeling better now that all of this happened. She joked with me and said "Well, between you and me we haven't had a successful time in a little bit now! But we'll see if that changes tomorrow."

    Gahhhhhhhhh she couldn't get off work any sooner!
     
  8. Aussieguy

    Aussieguy New Member

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    I dont know why but i had a similar situation except not lasting too long sub 2min.

    I dont know why but i could last 30min to a hour and have some really good fun, but one time when we had to rush, due to people coming over.

    Some weird reason it clicked in my head and i was like this every time we had sex.

    Been like that for a while now but i got over it, just had to lose my load before sex, and i was fine.. lead to more fun :D
     
  9. Jayce

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    Well, that was a semi bust.

    She came over, things heated up, and I was fine. Then focus was turned to me and WHAMMY, it went down.

    However, it kind of got stuck at "half mast" and it came back up upon further playing around, so we did end up finishing together, which was nice.

    It just sucks because this is what happened with my blood pressure. I had 1 crazy reading because of the fact I had to piss really bad when I had the reading done plus I had just gotten done doing a fast walk to the front of the store when I checked it. From that point on every reading I took, I was fine, but once I heard the cuff tighten up, holy shyt did my heart ever go crazy and shoot the reading up. I've since had normal readings, which is good, but damnit - this is the same scenario, except with my dick instead of my blood pressure.

    Is there any over the counter things I can get to kinda help me past this mental block? I feel as though once I have several successful times that I'll be fine then.
     
  10. Squirt

    Squirt New Member

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    Most definitely talk to your doctor about your blood pressure!!! It may be high all the time and you just don't realize it.

    High blood pressure can take a toll on your sexual ability.

    Buy an at home BP monitor and check it regularly! Check it when you are relaxed and worry free, pissed off about something, and even when you are sexually aroused.

    Take these readings to your doctor and discuss it with him!!!

    My SO was diagnosed with high blood pressure not to long ago (he is only 30 yrs old). Before he would lose his erection and interest in sex, but now that he has been treated, the sex is definitely longer. Not a bad thing for him either, he claims to have stronger, more intense orgasms.

    This is definitely an issue to discuss with your doctor, and do not be afraid to include your sexual life in this discussion. Chances are you are seeing a male physician that sees things in the same way as you do and will do everything to help you.

    You won't regret it. Yes, you may have to take a pill every day but isn't your life worth it?
     
  11. Barbwire

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    So, what are you bitching about? Eventually, you got a stiffy and got it on. (BTW, in my book, finishing together is something hubby and I have NEVER done, so it sounds a heck of a lot better than "nice" to me. *turns green with envy*)

    Now, quit worrying and griping and go forth and bang. ;)
     
  12. Jayce

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    My blood pressure is fine. Because of one high (inaccurate, due to having to piss badly + being somewhat active just seconds before taking it) I was freaked out every time I took it.

    This was 2 years ago. My blood pressure is fine whenever I take it now.
     
  13. Barbwire

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    Before you had this girlfriend you used to come here and rant about your health, school, losing your virginity, etc....Now, you have a girl, a job, and I'm assuming a degree, right?

    Can't you just chill out and enjoy life a little?

    You will get over this issue and live will go on. Guess what? There will be other issues, in fact, there will always be something that will cause stress in your life. You can't escape that fact. What you can do is, learn to not let the stress own you and make you miserable.

    Do you see where I am coming from, Jayce?

     
    #13 Barbwire, Oct 13, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2009
  14. Jayce

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    Yeah, I understand. I guess I'm just trying to hurry up the worry period by doing something about it since I know I can over analyze things and let them get to me.

    It's one thing if it's just me. But when it's effecting her too (considering the willy being up is part of the pleasure making ordeal) it has an additional load on my shoulders.
     
  15. Barbwire

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    Unless she's one of the fairly rare women that can orgasm just from penile thrustings, then really, its all the stuff you do before penis insertion that matters most to her.

    You said, "she's a pretty optimistic team player here, saying it's no big deal and telling me not to worry about it, she understands, etc."

    Don't you believe her?
     
  16. Jayce

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    Oh yeah, I do. I don't feel like her reaction is aiding in me feeling this way at all.

    It just boils down to one simple fact - nobody knows "me" better than... well... me. And I know how I can react to certain situations, as I gave an example over with the blood pressure thing.

    I know in time, everything will be okay. I'm just trying to get this "out there" almost for my own personal benefit to have others hear me out [thanks, btw :)] and get as much advice as possible..
     
  17. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    Dude your already ruining the mood by not trying to go to the bathroom BEFORE you start getting excited and having sex!! Go ti the fucking bathroom! Don't sit there and worry about it.
     
  18. HardRocker

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    Werd!
    I don't know how to talk a headcase out of being a headcase. Sorry.
     
  19. Jayce

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    I know... But it was one of those things where I didn't have to piss when it started, but things went so long that I ended up having to go and made the mistake of not stopping to go. That was my mistake.

    But if you take note, my problem from that was understood. Yeah okay, I goofed. No big deal. Thing is every time after that I DON'T have to go to the bathroom yet it still worries me enough that it ends up fuckin up the moment anyway.

    The topic has nothing to do with me not pissing beforehand, except for the 1 time goof I had which snowballed into these other issues afterward.
     
  20. Barbwire

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    To pee or not to pee, that is NOT the question. I got that Jayce. ;)