Well I'm actually...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Jigzitta, Jan 11, 2014.

  1. Jigzitta

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    A virgin. First I was gonna wait until marriage. So I waited all of these years. I couldn't ever find the right guy to give myself to really though. So then anyway I decided to just give up because, my sex drive has been feeling way too high lately and even more stronger than it ever had since I was 16. It was pretty high then, but now it's like really high and I'm 24. I don't feel like I'm ready and stable enough for marriage anyway. I mean I love my boyfriend and wanna be married to him eventually in the future. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I think that maybe we should just go ahead and have sex. I mean I shouldn't just jump into marriage because, I'm wanting to fulfill my sexual desires. I mean there's a lot more to marriage than that and he's not even financially stable enough for marriage right now. So I guess we should just go ahead and do it. We're the same age. He's already done it before with one other girl, but never have I with any other guy. I'm so afraid it's going to hurt the first time. He said he would go easy on me. Man I just wish I didn't feel these overbearing sexual desires. Then I wouldn't ever ache for sex hardly at all. I mean why is it that I feel so hot, but when I actually think about his penis going all the way into my vagina it scares me to death. It's like I'm feeling all hot, but I'm afraid to have sex. Is it suppose to be that way? If my body is aching from sexual desire then why should I be afraid of his penis? What do I do? I'm scared to death, but my body is aching for sex. Is there anyway to slow down my sex drive or make my first time having sex anymore comfortable? I already know about lubricate and all of that stuff, but what if it doesn't help? I'm so scared.
     
  2. lbushwalker

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    'Stralia Mate!
    Then open your legs wide and say arhhhh :)
    Make sure he has a condom on!
     
  3. alwaystry

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    I have to tell you I am thrown off after your first post but anyway....

    Its all 100% normal. Really,all those feelings. And yes,odds are it will hurt a little at least the first time....you have to go sloooowwww. Just jamming it in like porn will not work.
     
  4. Jigzitta

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    I may say some things in a scrambled up way or out of order, but I'm kind of shy and really nervous talking about sex. So I may not say things right. I'm sorry. I wasn't even really sure if I wanted to expose this sort of private information at first. I have tons of things running through my head right now.

    I mean I've been really getting a hot a lot too and not just him. I meant to say that I did too. It's just he acts so much more sex crazy at times. I don't know what to think, but that's in the other post and besides the thing I'm talking about right now.

    But, yeah anyway in actuality I'm totally terrified, imagining the pain of first time sex and he's so big down there. I saw it. I should probably still just have sex as soon as possible if I feel such urges. I don't know, but I'm scared. On the other hand if I don't have sex soon. I've been getting very depressed feeling these sexual feelings and feel like I'm going to burst any minute.
     
  5. alwaystry

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    Do you masturbate? All of the feelings are normal. Damn hormones lol. Like I said,yeah ,go for it , just slow. Lube , condom , it will work. Many people have been in the same position and had the same thoughts and they end up having sex. It will work and 24?yeah, no doubt you two are horny as hell. Go for it
     
  6. Jigzitta

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    No, I'm actually afraid to masturbate. I'm afraid I'll do something wrong and mess myself up down there. What if I don't do it properly? Isn't that not good to break myself in there before he does? I'm pretty tight and sealed in there. Of course we'll use a condom. I don't wanna get pregnant until we're married. I hope that lubricate stuff works. Will I still feel pain with that too or will it dilute the pain completely? No, but I can't stand it any longer. I'm gonna have to work through this some how and do it with him and soon or I'll explode. He said he hasn't had sex in a while either well since his last relationship which has been a long time. As soon as he can get back from where he's at to me. He seems like he's very anxious to get me. So I wanna be ready.
     
  7. danrb007

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    You need to masturbate. You will not break anything and you will learn what feels good to you. You also need to explore each others bodies. Don't just go straight to having him inside you. You should work up to it. Have you explored each others bodies? Have you given him a blowjob or a handjob? Have you let him pleasure you orally and has he fingered you. or felt and sucked on your breasts. These are all things that you can do for sexual pleasure without having him inside you. And when you build up the pleasure the pain won't matter.
     
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  8. HotForHoney

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    The first time will prob hurt. It will be awkward. It won't be like the romantic pic you have in your head.

    After, you will have a wide range of emotions - wanting more, guilt for not waiting, doubt, excitement, fear.

    I'm telling you I had all those feelings after every guy I've slept with - not just the first.

    Only you can decide if you are ready. If you want to wait because you want to give your virginity to your husband, wait. If you are waiting bc you don't want to disappoint your parents or out of fear - stop. You're 24, it's your life.

    Like a lot of young women, my parents always told me sex is for marriage, all the consequences (prego/std). I did sleep with my hs bf and later my husband before we got married. And you know what, the sex wasn't that good. (I'm not blaming them). And here's why....

    About a year ago, I met a guy who showed me sex can be fun, dirty, beautiful. He opened my eyes to new things, took the guilt out of it.

    I'm not saying sleep around but if you are hungry you eat. You eat responsibly. You don't eat good that's bad for you all the time, sometimes you indulge. Why not have sex when you are horny?

    From reading your posts, I think you need to listen to your heart, not your head on this one.

    Good luck with your decesion.
     
  9. alwaystry

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    Oh thank god a woman chimed in. I was out of my league here lol
     
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  10. HotForHoney

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    I didn't want the guys to say do it bc she might think that's all they want.

    I wanted to share my emotions too. I don't like one night stands. I feel used the next day even though I spread my legs the night before. I like to know our relationship has a tomorrow.
     
  11. alwaystry

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    I only said do it because of the information she gave. I started slow whem i was young.....and had plenty of stage fright
     
  12. HotForHoney

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    I didn't see your post about not masturbating until after I posted my post.

    First, relax.
    Go to the bathroom & pee.

    Relax again
    Pull your pants down. With two or three fingers gentle start rubbing yourself. You will start to feel warm and wet. When you are ready, slide one finger inside. Go slow, feel how smooth it is. Relax, you won't hurt anything. Add a second finger, go a little faster. Explore. Reach around to all sides. Come out a bit and rub the outside. Do what feels good.

    Another option is the shower head. If you have the pull down kind, you can blast your clit/pussy.

    I'm assuming you don't have a vibrator. Take an ice cube and push it inside you to get the feeling. Go buy a vibrating toothbrush.

    Explore your body, let your bf explore.

    Don't jump into sex.
     
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  13. HotForHoney

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    I didn't really masturbate until a few years ago. I prefer a vibe and really punish myself to using my fingers.
     
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  14. Jigzitta

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    I was probably going to just have sex with him anyway before I found this site yesterday, but I thought I'd try to get some help and support. I mean I already told him that I want to do it for sure, because he really turns me on. Just everything little thing he says or does. I get hot so easily just like that. It doesn't take much to turn that switch on. He has been telling me to masturbate too, but I told him that I was scared. No, I don't have any sex things. My mom is pretty strict, making me feel like crap and so not understanding since she actually waited until marriage. I haven't been doing things exactly her way and she tells me I'm going to be a bad girl and that she's going to be ashamed to say that I'm even her daughter. So I have to just about cry to make her understand what I'm going through. Anyway I've touched myself in there sort of before, but when I went to stick my fingers up there. They really didn't make it all the way in.
     
  15. HotForHoney

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    GET YOUR MOM OUT OF YOUR HEAD! IT'S YOUR LIFE. IF SHE IS DISAPPOINTED OF YOU BC OF THAT, ITS ON HER, NOT YOU!!!!!

    DON'T LET HER CONTROL YOUR LIFE!!!!


     
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  16. HotForHoney

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    If you couldn't get one finger in, sex isn't going to feel good at all and you are going to say mom was right and it will be that much harder to go against her next time.

    I speak from experience.

    Now, get off your computer and start playing with yourself. Explore.

    Relax and enjoy. You arent doing anything wrong.
     
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  17. Jigzitta

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    That could be sort of why I could feel a little guilty afterwards. Throwing religious remarks at me and everything. Telling me she thought I'd never turn out this way, but for the past couple of years I was just holding it in because of all of this pressure. I mean I still really love God and I even go to church, but I think even Christian's at times have sexual urges they just can't stop as hard as they try. My boy friend wants to take me a way from all of this and I don't even think my mom likes him all that much, but who cares. What if I don't want the kind of man she wants me to have? I wanna choose my own man.

    Anyway so back on topic...
    I guess I should just try my best to bust it loose down there to make things better for myself when we actually have sex. My mom was talking all about how it's gonna hurt and everything. Like she's trying to scare me or something? Right I don't want her to get the best of me though. She thinks she's Misses Perfect in absolutely everything.
     
  18. Silverfox

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    First, you need to get to know yourself physically. Masturbation is good for you. It will help you learn what feels good and what doesn't. You're worried about damaging yourself. Why? If you tear your hymen, what's the harm. None. Yes, there will probably be some pain the first time. As has been suggested above, don't go from 0-100 in a few seconds. Take your time, slow down the pace. Pleasure each other first, manually and orally. You need to really be sexually aroused, to help overcome your nervousness.

    Second, see my post on Swallowing Cum. You seriously need to set up boundaries between your mother and yourself. Times have changed and what she did isn't necessarily what you will do. If in truth, she waited for marriage, she was probably in the minority, during her time. Of course Christians have sexual urges, they're human beings and human beings have sexual urges. We are sexual creatures. It's written in our genes. If Christians didn't have sexual urges, there'd be no more Christians.

    Denigrating remarks and comments, religious or otherwise, serve no purpose but to create pain and guilt. They will only cause harm and resentment that can be life long. They are not healthy. They will not stop you from doing what you want to do, anyway. Human history shows this.

    Lastly, don't try to compete with your mother about who is perfect. The ladies can probably speak better to the feelings of guilt and shame you may feel afterwards, but let me say this. Liberate yourself. Just live your life.
     
  19. HotForHoney

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    A lot has changed since your mom was in your position - dating.

    I've already mentioned the guilt/shame - especially before I got married. You didn't fail a math test in 9th grade. You made an adult decision - good or bad, it's your decision.

    Just like it was your decision to buy that ugly red sweater or those really cute shoes.

    It's hard - retraining your brain against everything your parents ever told you about sex.

    Sex is between you and your bf.

    Just be in the moment. Set your boundaries for the night/date and just be.

    Say, I'm going to let him finger me today - I'm ok w that.

    If he wants to go more, see how you feel. Watch him rub his dick. Learn from it.
     
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  20. hotroddennis

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    I don't want to sound insensitive here...but how many mothers really think their 24 year old daughter is a virgin.I would think in this day and age,no matter how old school you are,she would suspect that you have had sex already