Was I out of line?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by loveit247, Mar 23, 2007.

  1. loveit247

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    My SO said that he would take me to movies last night, he promised this on Wednesday. This morning I called him to ask what time I would see him, he then tells me that he has plans to go to a BBQ but it is not confirmed and he will let me know. I told him that it was rude to do that and he cannot keep me as a back up plan.

    I then went ahead and changed my plans. He then calls me at around 14.00 and tells me that he has cancelled the BBQ plans on this guys voicemail and he will come to me. I told him that I had already made other plans. He got really angry telling me that I should not have jumped the gun and should have just waited to hear.

    I am put out by this because it is as if he wants me to sit around and wait for him to tell me what I will be doing with my life. His reaction to me was horrible. He was shouting and he even smses me to fuck off. I am not overly upset because I won't let a man treat me badly again and have sort of detached myself from this.

    I changed my plans so that I could see him this weekend and now he tells me he won't be seeing me at all and that we are now over. The problem is that we are going away on holiday together on Tuesday for 2 weeks. So I just want to find out if how I reacted was wrong? I changed my plans with my friend from Saturday to tonight because he had changed the movie plans with me. I am so confused as to why he is so angry with me.

    I did not shout or yell at him for changing plans and keeping me as a back up, I simply changed my plans and when he called me to tell me that he has cancelled his plans I told him I have arrangements but he must feel free to join me, to which he responded that he will not and he will not see me this weekend.

    I am confused, what do you all think?
     
  2. Barbwire

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    Tell him to fuck off.
     
  3. The Mistress

    The Mistress New Member

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    What she said. :p

    He sounds like a high maintenance (emotionally) pain in the ass.
     
  4. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I agree with you on not being the back-up plan.... Now, sometimes if someone asks to do something and I have other tentative plans I might say that I'd really like to do what they are asking, but I have plans in the works, let me check on them and get back to confirm. Either way I communicate it. I think if you believe he wasn't maliciously changing things to screw with you, then perhaps you shouldn't make too big of a thing about it. But I do think you need to talk about how it made you feel that you counted on plans he had made with you, and that he changed those plans. Make it about what YOU do and how YOU feel. You know the rule. From your post so far, my idea would be something like "I love spending time with you, I do plan with you and around you when I know I can count on you. Yesterday just really made me feel like I can't count on you, and I felt unimportant and forgotten. Now, I've changed my plans for the weekend in order to spend time with you, and feel like you don't want THAT time with me either." Good openening for a conversation about how to fix this and determine if your holiday together is gonna fly.

    I don't think some people realize that they make others feel like the second choice (the back-up plan). Those are usually people who don't mind the last minute changes in plans, etc. Whereas others of us are planners, and take changes like that very personally. I don't think you're wrong. I think he just doesn't think the way YOU think..... so you have to tell him how you think.
     
  5. loveit247

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    But the thing is Mel, he made conclusive plans with me, then his friend called and made plans with him, he did not tell me. The plans with his friends are not confirmed, he was waiting to hear before he was going to tell me that he was not taking me to movies.

    I found out because I asked him what time he was picking me up and he said he might not. That, in my mind, is keeping doors open. He was only going to come to me if his friend told him the plans were not still on.

    What pisses me off is that we had plans first.
     
  6. Dreama

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    That guys sounds like an ass. Tell him to fuck off, like the others have said. You deserve better .
     
  7. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Doesnt sound like a guy worth wasting your time on loveit.
    Your worth far more than some guy , that wants his friends more than you.
    If you make plans with someone , female or male, you should stick to them, taking up another offer after making plans with someone else is extremly rude and sure is not showing that person any respect.
     
  8. The Mistress

    The Mistress New Member

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    Ummm why wasn't he taking you w/him to the BBQ in the first place is what I was asking myself....
     
  9. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I don't see why he didn't just go to the BBQ when you told him you had other plans - whats the big deal?

    I have told friends I can't make it to parites and such, then changed my mind and still went.

    Telling him to fuck off I don't feel is the answer.

    It just sinks you down to his level and will get a more explosive reaction from him.

    The fact that a little incident like this would cause him to blow up so easily has to be a huge red flag.

    Remember that verbal abuse is just as damaging as phy. abuse. I can almost guarantee you he won't change either- so don't ever expect him to.

    It seems many women think it won't happen again... but it will, over and over. Guys won't change... it rarely ever happens.

    I doubt if any guy is worth putting up with that kind of shit for a lifetime.
     
  10. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Sounds like he is not a reliable guy.
    Whilst the cats away and all that maybe
     
  11. Elvis

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    I feel sorry for you loveit24/7, I know what it's like being taken for granted by other people.
     
  12. loveit247

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    He is ashamed of my outspoken personality.
     
  13. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    He should be ashamed of himself!
     
  14. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    I was thinking the same thing! If I had a beautiful little lady like yourself, I would take you anywhere and everywhere I went! Search your heart loveit. Is this really the right guy for you?
     
  15. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Okay, then you DO believe it was malicious and intentional. I'm not sure what you're looking for? If you want support in booting him, you've found it. I was offering an alternative which might save your holiday plans. If that isn't what you want, then it sounds like it's already decided. He doesn't want to see you this weekend; don't see him. It sounds like if you stand up for yourself and demand respect he'll be gone soon anyway.
     
  16. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    It sounds like you gave him a taste of his own medicine and he found it really difficult to swallow. Seriously. I mean if he's the one who made tentative "other" plans without telling you. Then you went ahead and made other plans (basically the exact same thing he did to you) and he blows up and tells you it's finished. What an immature asshole.

    I guess he expected you to be at his beck and call just in case he didn't have anything better to do. Ain't no way you should put up with that, hun. There's no way you were out of line.
     
  17. heelfetish

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    Seconded!
     
  18. loveit247

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    I agree with you all. I am not looking for support in booting him. I know he is not the right man for me. He is too far from what I need. I do love the dear but things are getting ugly and I want out before it gets too bad. I would like to have him as a friend.

    I thought about marrying him and it scared the shit outta me. I have to go on holiday with him because it is all paid for. I will just make the best of it, have fun and then when we are home, gently explain that it is over.

    I am not coping with his double standards anymore.
     
  19. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    You go girl! :)
     
  20. The Mistress

    The Mistress New Member

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    Ok...This guy needs the boot. :jerkit