Wanted to share - I think I might have just saved my marriage.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by MILF_Rider, May 20, 2012.

  1. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    This is partly a brief synopsis of a story and partly a book recommendation.

    I lost my previous job on March 30. Not to worry, the job search looked positive from the start and I started my new job this past Monday. During that time, the gradual decline of the relationship between my wife and I reached the point that we were facing her moving out. We tried a therapist that wasn't that effective for 4 weeks, we'll be trying another with our first session being next Thursday, but today was to have been the day she moves into an apartment.

    Last night I read a book "Married Man's Sex Life Primer" by Atoh Kay. Well, actually I read just the first 4 chapters which was enough to make me realize something that when I discussed it with her the next morning turned things completely around.

    You see, I'm a nice guy - the type that fits the description of what one would describe if you were talking about the kind of guy that's marriage material. What we were going through is pretty typical and really fits the explanation of things that happen due to biological drives behind what creates attraction. What my wife needed to have the kind of attraction to me that was necessary for a thriving marriage was behavior that's more alpha male.

    When I realized that, and made some changes in my attitude this morning.. She completely reversed course. She didn't want the apartment anymore. The I love you's were back. She let me put her wedding ring back on her finger. She was letting me touch and grope her again throughout the day. After the kids went to bed, I was touching her all over, holding her, kissing her. Where just a day before, she'd be tired and reject the first touch - now, she was responding with "mmmm".

    Just wanted to share, and if anyone else is a nice guy wondering why their wife isn't feeling as close as she used to, I'd recommend checking out the book.
     
  2. RideNaked2

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    So happy for you HoR. :)
     
  3. tommy054

    tommy054 New Member

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    Happy for you, always better to fight to keep things in place...
     
  4. Berend

    Berend New Member

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    Just to understand: you're saying that being more assertive was the magic pill?
     
  5. 12barblues

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    this is so true, and very common.....you have figured it out my friend...women need both. They need the marriage material "nice guy", ( respectful, good father, good sense of humor)... and they need the assertive , agrressive, almost animalistic guy, sexually. this is a very complex topic for both men and women.
     
  6. boobjob

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    Glad to hear it. Good luck.
     
  7. cbrmale

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    Basically I'm a decent guy but I'm not a nice guy. A bit like 12BB has explained, except I don't put it on. I'm successful, and part of that is because I'm not 'nice', and I'm charming and romantic, but that's because I want to get into your pants, but I'm not nice. How else do I get regular good sex for decades, and free reign for sex on the side?

    I asked my wife a long time ago what attracted her to me and she told me she went out with nice guys and they didn't do anything for her. And then she met me.

    Supposedly it's attractive because male offspring will inherit the 'not nice guy' gene, and be successful in commerce and in love like their father.
     
  8. Meow181

    Meow181 Active Member

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    WTG!!! fantastic things have turned around for you ;)

    You guys have it so tough ... lets be honest women are difficult to please and Ill say it... we are arseholes and nasty vicious things when we are rubbed up the wrong way..... we play mind games, we sulk, we use the "code of silence" for weeks, but the best control factor is we "shut up shop" lol.... and the list goes on.... its a hard line and difficult to balance trying to find that happy medium of a successful marriage.. not that I have one lol... but what I do know is, just like guys love a slut in the bedroom and a Princess in the kitchen cooking yr meals... we are the same.. we dont want "yes dear - no dear - 3 bags full dear... " unless yr totally pussy whipped ... and thats yr buzz.... I wanna MAN.. throw me around.. be macho make me submit and I aint talking dom/sub shit.... in my case.. I want ,my primal alpha caveman hunter lover .. go out and kill a dinosaur for me.. .. bash the shit out of the caveman that got in yr face on the way.... let our eyes connect as I view the huge dinosaur you bought home for me.. dont forget to gut and clean it and cut it up and when my eyes are loved locked on yrs as my heart flutters and I smirk and feel like Im a teenager, star struck in love..as my Man bought me home a prize..... I might let you drag me by my hair to the den for some appreciation... ;)

    Thats it... Im off to find myself a caveman over 6 ft.. none here are there? lol
     
  9. GreyGoose

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    Sounds good glad to hear you fixed the issue
     
  10. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    More or less. Let me illustrate with an example.

    Before: Wife gets overwhelmed. I ask her what to do. She starts telling me to do things. I do those things.

    After: Wife gets overwhelmed. I tell her that I see she is overwhelmed and I will take control of the situation and tell her what I will do.

    It's even had very good effects on the kids behavior, and my taking command with the kids has also turned resentment from my wife into respect.

    The example doesn't really give the reason why this works, but in the before she is in control and resents me because she has to take on the leading which should be mine and in the after I am in control and she respects me.

    Here's the why of how it works. Modern life affords us comforts, but biologically we're the same as we were before modern life. Women are wired to be attracted to the man that will make strong healthy babies. 2 men fight to the death, she's going to be attracted to the stronger mate - the one that isn't dead. Lots more about that in the book..

    Mind you, it worked well quickly - she was happy to see the change. With the initial euphoria worn off, the euphoria has been replaced with anxiety that I'll revert, and it's been a lot of work to overcome that anxiety. It kind of undermines the reward I got at first which made it easy to keep up the change, but each time she gets a little anxiety I figure it out and reassure. The result has been that little things have been better than ever.
     
  11. HardRocker

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    Good work man. Don't forget to read the rest of the book!

    Ya gotta see how it turns out.:D
     
  12. Meow181

    Meow181 Active Member

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    Women dont want "fix it men".. we already know where the fault lies and/or how to correct it... we sometimes need your strength/height/support to fix it ..we dont want "care bears" except when we are vulnerably and lost and need a ear or shoulder to cry on...... we make trillions of minor decisions each day.. what to make for tea.. pick little Sarah up form ballet, dont forget Johnny who is struggling with his maths homework... bloody dog has dug the garden up again... it becomes as youve observed overwhelming and we get agro and feel our men are merely another complication to our already hectic lives..we get over making all the decisions and want a man to take over the reigns for us... yes like the cave man in yr book .. dont forget in the primal life back then.. men were attracted to breeders hence ample hips for child birth and a good set of tits for nurturing our young. ;) So the man has to step up to the plate and bat head on for his woman..

    HOR keep up the great work it looks as if youre on the right track... Im so pleased its coming back together for you ;)
     
  13. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Well.. see I'm just now getting into the sex techniques chapter.

    We haven't really been kissing since we were dating, really, it fell out of the routine because of my breath, and it's never been a concern. I have medical reasons that go beyond just dental hygiene.

    But I have been probing a little and she does miss kissing. So today I was reading at work and read the section about the 10 second kiss... Beside that I was building up to a plan I had for her after the kids went to bed. I knew she was getting out early from work and would have a little time before getting the kids from school, but not enough for a full session. So I planned to get out of work early and try to man my way into a 10 second kiss anyway... Well, she was too horny for that so plans changed. After the kids went to bed, she was still ready for more too.

    Today was a good day!