wanna make my wife my own style in sex. expert advice plssss

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by panacea_clt, Aug 28, 2013.

  1. panacea_clt

    panacea_clt New Member

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    Hi. Its my first ever post in any forum.
    Me nd wife is having very normal or I say below average sex relation. I mean v used to mate 3 -4 times in a month which last for max 10 minutes. Now she is away from me for a tour for 1 month. She is very conservative in sex and I m a sex maniac. But I never exposed my idea of sex life because of fear of rejection. I love to have all kinky experience about sex with wife where internet is my teacher for it. Now a days as I m home alone, 24 hrs I m on net watching various porn, dowloading erotic movies etc. I want to make my wife the way I am in sex. I want to watch porn and erotic movies along with her and do the dirty talking and all new stuff.
    Earlier when I just pointed my interest in watching porn, she rejected and said she dont like it. She is very attractive and we love each other very much.
    Can I have expert advise to make my sexual life more tinkling...
    Thanks in advance
     
  2. Meee

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    There's the problem right there.
     
  3. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    Have you asked her why she does not want to have sex more is it a physical, mental or emotional inhibition.

    And yes Meee is correct porn is not the correct place to be learning the reality about sex. But it is not wrong either just use it with care.
     
  4. HotForHoney

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    Most important thing is open, honest communication.

    I think you need to start small, maybe a new toy or position. Use an old toy a new way, try a different room. Tell her how sexy, attractive, hot, loving, etc it make her/you/your relationship. Build on that.

    If someone told me they wanted me to be part of a big bondage or gang thing, I'd run and never look back. Start small with handcuffs or a scarf, maybe DP with you and a toy and work your way TOGETHER to what you are both comfortable with.

    Maybe have a safe word, just in case she decides midway she doesn't like it or it hurts. As soon as she says it, stop. No questions asked.
     
  5. backcheck64

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    If that's the way she was before you married, why the hell did you marry her. Sexual attitudes form fairly early in life, and it takes a hell of a lot to change them if you can at all. You are doing better than many guys at 3-4 times a month, I know a few that are once a month at best. I dated my wife for 5 yrs, I KNEW our sexual inclinations were a match. Sounds like you didn't do your homework. The chances of changing most any behavior in a marriage are very slim. Put up with it, or divorce.
     
  6. almostthere

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    Kinda agree but what if your wife was a virgin? I know i know,cant happen. But it can. I have a similar relationship. Love my wife to pieces but her sex drive and what she likes and mine are worlds apart. I have been waging this war for a long time. Its the only thing we argue about. Shes soooooo vanilla and im sooooo kink.

    To the op, take it slow and respect her. It may change or you may end up like me, looking for a FWB. I havent done it yet but if i had the chance i may.
     
  7. backcheck64

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    I'd never marry a virgin...period. I've had my share of virgins, never again. I'm not into training, I want to fuck. My father did marriage counseling for years, in cases where one or both were virgins, he wrote them off. You're never going to get her to change and unless you can live with vanilla, you're done. One reason I dated my wife for a while, you get to really know them and what they'll do and not do. Only then can you make an informed choice of marriage or move on. I've known several guys in your situation, only one of the marriages lasted....and he's had multiple affairs. I don't believe in affairs or divorce unless there's severe abuse...so I chose wisely.

    And with all of the religious nuts, there are more and more virgins....of course I'd never date anyone that wasn't atheist either.
     
  8. 12barblues

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    Agree w BC here,....in my limited experience , sexual desire is something you have or you don't have.....hard to develop a sex drive.....unless she has a self esteem issue. Improving ones self esteem and confidence can improve ones sex drive. If a women feels physically unattractive , she's not gonna feel " sexual".....exercise, and feeling " healthy" might help....?
     
  9. OveractiveXDrive

    OveractiveXDrive New Member

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    I agree with Meee, you will not get a good result by using internet porn as your guide. My wife was very conservative when I met her and even though she tried a lot of them it didn't take until I took the patience to let her discover it on her own. I encouraged her in her many steps but patience is the key and it might take many months or even years. Openness only comes with closeness by focusing on your marriage and making her feel secure with your feeling towards her so there is no question in her mind where you stand with your devotion in the marriage can things move forward. My wife knows how much I am in love with her and beyond all the women I have been with she is always my number one no matter what.

    In my experience it works best if you encourage attention from people she finds attractive. Is there a man in her life she has that school girl crush on. Work with that and tell her it's OK to feel that way and good to tell you about it. Tell her it's OK with you that she has attraction to someone other than you. Talk about it in bed to test her arousal adding more and more over time. But, I can't stress this enough, don't push it. Suggest and pull back, she needs to be in the drivers seat here. Let her arousal gear the input so pay attention. If you love her she needs to know that this is coming from a place of love not just lust and you want her to grow. But, you will need to prepare your self for the possibility that she is just not into this sort of thing.
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    'Stralia Mate!
    Love alone does not conquer all despite what all those good folks might espouse.
    Couple sex requires two willing parties.
    Those two things took me 30 years to finally realise.
     
  11. HotForHoney

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    Idk about forming sexual attitudes early in life.
    When I was dating exhusband, we did it like rabbits. Life happened, no communication and we turned into roommates. I lost most of my desire.

    Recently, I got in touch w my "inner whore". I have tried new things, major increase in drive. Not sure if it's my situation or age (mid/late30's).

    I do agree about self esteem playing a part of the issue.
     
  12. backcheck64

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    How was your parents relationship? Did you ever see them with PDAs or was it more like roommates? Did they openly talk about sex and relationships or was that taboo? Were they very conservative and essentially anti sex or it should be done in the confines of marriage for procreations only? That kind of environment can destroy sex drives if you buy into that crap.

    And self esteem does have a large part. Our sex life slowed after my wife put on a lot of weight. She looked in the mirror and saw her mother. She then worked at it, dropped 76 lbs and took more interest in her appearance. As she looked better and better, her sex drive came back as did mine. Now she has a hard body that most 20 yr olds would kill for and after being together 31 yrs, we are back to a level almost as high as it was back in our 20s.
     
    #12 backcheck64, Aug 30, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2013
  13. Cappy_Dick

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    I agree with the others saying that porn is not the way to learn variety and spice.
    There is a book that could do the trick. It's called "The Joy of Sex". It opens up all kinds of possibilities in a non pornographic and non threatening way. While illustrated, it is done with tasteful, yet accurate pencil drawings. The writing and illustrations are very female friendly.

    One way many couples have used this is to have two different colored bookmarks. One for each partner. Place your bookmark with something that interests you and her do the same. You can that way let your partner know about something you'd like to try in a non threatening/intimidating way.

    This book has been around since 1972 and is still very relevant, even in early editions. It has been revised several times. The last being in 2008. This book is not hard to find. Used copies are often found on eBay. This is the primer of all how to sex guides. If she is receptive to this, you could probably get ones that get deeper into kink, once she is comfortable with this tried and true guide.

    xx