[Ask a Guy] wanking and sex?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by redics_girl, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    guys- I have a question for you. My husband is pretty much unable to have sex if he's masturbated earlier in the day. or, if we have sex early in the day, he usually is unable to go again. He's only 31, and he has no other erection issues.... is this normal? He's pretty much always been like this, once a day unless its my birthday, his birthday or an anniversary or something.
     
  2. OverSinged

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    Well, I know it wouldn't be normal for me, but I'm fairly sure it shouldn't be normal for him either.

    Do we have some sort of bat-signal thing that summons someone like Mitt for these kinda things?

    also: I thought it was only the brits that said 'wanking'?
     
  3. Mittimer

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    I saw the signal and I came. :p

    I wouldn't call it "normal" by any means. My husband and the guys I play with don't have this issue. Now, they could have super human cocks, but I doubt that's the case.

    He *should* be able to cum again, especially if it's been hours since the last time. I would totally understand if it's been a few minutes but to not be able to get off at all if he's cum earlier in the day, that just doesn't seem normal.

    Has he had his testosterone checked? There could be a low-T issue.

    You mention that it's only once a day unless it's a special occasion too though. Is it that he just doesn't want to go again and lacks the motivation? Or is it that he's physically unable to?
     
  4. lbushwalker

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    We all vary in our sexual appetites; some are replete sooner than others, that is perfectly normal ;)
     
  5. Meee

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    If the boyfriend lasts an extra long time, then I know he masturbated earlier in the day. So it affects him at least that much. But if he can't have sex a second time in a day, I know that something isn't right. He's tired, or distracted. Something's on his mind. I can read it in his face and voice and posture. He needs rest and relaxation. He needs to sort out what's bothering him. I'm happy to help him do that. Soon, things are going better.

    I doubt that the male reproductive system is naturally in tune with birthdays and so on. But the mind is. That's a helpful clue in your post. The boyfriend can definitely go twice or more in a day when it's a special day that we've gotten ready for.
     
  6. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    this makes sense to me. obviously, i don't expect him to go for round two immediatly after round one is done, but if we have sex in the morning, and it is really good, i'm going to be thinking about it all day and want more when i get home, but most of the time, its a no go.

    I dont think he's been to the doc for an all out physical since he was in his teens. i think i'm going to press him on it, because there are probably other things he should be getting checked as well. we both need to go.

    that, i'm not really sure. last night, he tried for about an hour... but i could tell something was off. he wasnt really hard, and we kept switching positions, but i knew about halfway through that he wasn't going to cum. he did give me several orgasms, but him not finishing kinda takes some of the fun out of it.


    and oversinged: I used the term wanking because i had spanking first, but i didn't want to send the wrong message. I'm all for getting spanked, but this is a lil different.
     
  7. Meee

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    Rested in the morning, tired by the end of the day. Makes sense. And I'm guessing it's not unusual.
     
  8. just4fun

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    Seems a little off to me. My husband can go again usually tales him like a half hour to be fully hard again. But if we gave sex before he goes to work then he has no issue to go at it when he gets home. I agree it maybe low t. Is he out of shape?
     
  9. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    no, not really. i mean, he's not a work out kinda guy, but he's not grossly out of shape either, unlike myself.

    it would, if we had normal schedules. i work midnights, and he works afternoons. he sleeps late and stays up really late, sometimes he's still up when i get home in the morning. he's more tired in the morning than at night.

    like i said, its pretty much been this way throughout our relationship. i was a virgin when we met, and was very enthusiastic once we started having sex, but it would only be once a day, twice if i was lucky. he says its because he's old (which he's not). I wonder if its a mental thing with him? I know he gets hard more than once a day, i have seen it for myself, so its not that he can't get hard.... maybe he just doesn't want to, i guess.
     
  10. jonny718

    jonny718 New Member

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    Gosh, it's funny that you originally posted this appealing for guys to respond, but only one guy has! I'm impressed at the knowledge of all you women out there on your various blokes' wanking, sex and orgasm habits! But then on reflection, I guess you're well-placed to know ;-) - and I agree with everything you've said!

    I rarely have the chance to go for "round 2" these days, but my ex-gf was frequently insistent on working a second load out of me whenever she wanted. In the absence of seductively applied lips (both kinds), it's usually a couple of hours before I start to feel a natural rise in my horniness again. However, the other night, my wife and i were able to enjoy a couple of hours of naked fun on the living room floor. The first orgasm left me in a sleepy haze for 5-10 minutes, before i found myself stroking my hand on my wife's body. I then proceeded to climb on top of her and make love a second time. When the wife isn't around, that can occasionally result in a couple of wanks in the morning. After sex the night before, I always feel especially horny the following morning, and if I'm alone, that necessitates a few minutes self-pleasuring.

    I think the other respondents have hit the nail on the head that there may be something else running through your husband's head. You don't mention how you know he's masturbated earlier in the day. Has he told you, or have you inferred this? Have you ever tried masturbating him yourself? You could then adjudge the volume of his ejaculate. Typically the volume will be reduced if he has cum earlier on in the day. It depends how you approach this and how open your husband is. Many men would relish the opportunity to have open conversation with their oh about masturbation, orgasm and sex, especially if you were able to discuss and explore together as a prelude to delving deeper to understand what, if anything, is behind this.

    Of course, everyone is different, and I can only speak from my own elevated level of horniness: at 31, your husband may have 15 or more years of masturbatory experience. Sensitively exploring this with him could be the key to understanding your husband's sexual/orgasm potential.

    Good luck.
     
  11. BigB73

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    I would agree with you Mee. If I rub one out early, I'll definitely last longer. And there are days when I am just exhausted and would rather rest, although if "motivated" I can't help but get horny and want to fuck. If work is stressing him he may be less inclined, and low t could be it, but also maybe once is enough to satisfy his sexual needs. ( wouldn't be enough for me) :) Unfortunately there are many reasons why this could be happening, best thing to do is talk to him
     
  12. Cappy_Dick

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    With the information given, I would suggest that the problem is psychological, stemmed from a low sex drive. Seemingly from what you say, he is physically able, as he's good for a command performance for special occasions.

    I would however suggest that you get him to go have a physical. It's been 10 years or more since he's been seen. Low T does happen in men his age and is often due to a more serious problem. It wouldn't hurt to get him checked.

    However, masturbation is not a cause of low T. A July 2010 "Psychology Today" article concedes that testosterone levels may rise during masturbation. However, the article suggests that ejaculation does not significantly affect testosterone levels: testosterone levels may rise slightly during sexual activity, which includes masturbation, and levels drop back down to normal levels afterward. According to an article on the T Nation website, a 1978 study evaluated testosterone levels in young men after sexual activity. The results of the study indicated that testosterone levels were slightly higher in young men after masturbation.

    So, is this normal? Not exactly. The average 31 year old guy who had morning sex, would more than likely be interested in evening sex. Unless there are underlying problems such as, stress, anxiety, overworked, tired, etc. Is he abnormal then? Not exactly. Some men just don't have as much interest in sex as most. Sex once a day, for a man in his early 30's is usually satisfactory. However, I'd say at least more than half would be willing to give their partner a second go if they had initiated it later in the day.

    So, have him get checked out. If nothing is wrong, then you will have to accept that he is the way he is and is not very likely to have sex more than once a day, unless he feels overly obliged. If he's not into it, he's not going to get hard.

    xx
     
    #12 Cappy_Dick, Apr 11, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2013
  13. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    we have openly discussed his masturbation. honestly, i don't think he does it often enough. in this case, he told me after we had sex because i asked him what the deal was. he only spanks it a couple times a week, says its because he doesn't have time. i do it a lot more often than he does, sometimes several times a day, and i still want the real thing when we are home together. and yes, i've tried handjobs, but he prefers bjs and handjobs just dont really do much for him :(
     
  14. lbushwalker

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    Once again I am going against everyone here who considers that poor Redic has a problem.
    Actually he certainly does have one which must affect his libido and it is called shift work!
    Google sex and shift work and you immediately get the idea.
    I know this from personal experience because at exactly the Redic's age I could only manage sex once a week let alone to once a day and that was not due to lack of opportunity.
    These days and twice that age I am still happy at twice a day but then I work "normal" hours. Yep it does have a lot to do with hormones; Cortisol being the main but not only one and the longer a man routinely works the wee hours the worse that affect.
    It is well also to remember that folks on this website are far from average in libido so comparing the rest of the world to ourselves may not be all that valid.
    Let us not fall into the trap of diagnosing a problem when one does not really exist and in doing so actually create one for Redic.
    And one last afterthought; women's libido is dictated very differently to that of men.
    Amen.
     
  15. mikko

    mikko New Member

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    I'm with lbushwalker on this one. In just about every thread we read how diverse and varied human sexuality is, how wide-ranging people's tastes, libidos and motivations are, and consequently, that what is 'normal' is very nebulous. And now, all of a sudden, people are forgetting that and diagnosing a problem.

    More risky than the diagnosis is prescribing a solution to an imagined problem.
     
  16. surreal_thoughts

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    I guess every guy is different in this scenario. I don't experience the issues you presented with your husband relic, but I usually just need a few minutes in between rounds to catch my breath and regain my senses and then I can go again, and again until either my wife or I get exhausted or are sissified.
     
  17. dougsan

    dougsan New Member

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    We are delving into one of the true mysteries of nature, the relatonship between a man and his libido. According to what I've read, any healthy male should be able to have sex within an hour of his first orgasm. I can't! And I have tried very hard.

    My Dr. at the time I had this looked into laughed very heartily when I presented her with "my probem". At the time I was having sex at least once a day, every day. My complaint that brought on such laughter was it was taking me five or more hours to be ready for round 2. She said all men are different and "...you are all too involved with your genitals..." In short, stop worrying about nothing. She did send me off for all the tests and appointments with the experts. There was nothing wrong with me. All the experts said relax and enjoy.

    So, I recommend, you relax and get what you can when its available -- and learn how to amuse each other in other ways.
     
  18. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    thanks guys. its been 9 years, and its never really changed, so i guess i just need to accept that my sex drive is a lot higher than his. most of the time its fine, but sometimes, toys just dont do enough :(
     
  19. lbushwalker

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    Finally some recognition of the diversity of human sexuality.
    It's unfortunate that you are not totally matching in libidos but then understand that few couples are.
    My personal experiences are; spouse way lower than mine, several GFs some about the same some more than me and current SO is rampant and no way I can keep up but we accommodate one another in different ways which does no require an erect penis on every occasion :)
     
  20. lbushwalker

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    Another thought and question.
    Have you always been so horny or is it a recent phenomena?