Virgin- non tempting alternatives to sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Godiva, Jun 10, 2010.

  1. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    Hey guys,

    I'm new....and a virgin. Heres the introduction and back story to my question. I'm waiting till after marriage to have sex which is in a year and a half.

    I used to be so so strong saying no. I've had hundreds of opportunities for sex which i turned down, because despite my insane sex drive, i just wasn't IN LOVE enough to really want to...

    But since i found THE ONE I'm surprised on how HARD (punn intended) it is for me now to say NO!

    What are some things i can do to release some sexual tension but not even tempt me to try sex for the first time prematurely for me? I don't have the opportunity to be intimate with him except for once a month when i go to his place (i live with my strict religious parents still) and when ever I'm there its weekend marathons of trying to break the record for amount of times i make him orgasm with my hand, body or mouth... and he tries the same but i'm hard to get off...it's only happened 6 times but WHAT FUN that was! *faint from awesome*

    We are moving out together in a years time, and i want to know what i should do then also, as i'll be around him all the time. I really don't want to give in early but i want to relieve some tension since sexuality is a big part of who i am.

    Atm i send him dirty texts and photos which gets him worked up...and when his over i'll whisper in his ear...and pash him deeply and passionately...and touch under clothing...and move in suggestive ways over his lap. I'm a major tease without meaning to, i just have the burning desire to be intimate but i have to expect my mother barging in the room any moment also!

    I think about sex ALL the time because i can't have it! Nothing satiates my hunger....except sex, i assume. Please help me make the next year and a half not a living hell!!!

    P.s.- i get myself off 2-4 times a day. my most has been 7 and i only stopped because i felt dirty and greedy.
     
  2. HardRocker

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    I'll refrain from jumping in until some others have replied, but I just wanted to toss in a thought or two.
    Your profile says you are not sexually active. You are kidding yourself. You are having every kind of sex except his penetrating your genitals with his penis. You're even having oral sex, giving each other orgasms... I hate to break it to you, but you are very sexually active.

    That's really not a healthy feeling about sex, at least the "dirty" part. Well worth exploring.
     
    #2 HardRocker, Jun 10, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2010
  3. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I wasn't sure if it meant sexually active as in penatrative sex, ill change it now, thanks.
    I feel dirty because of my religious beliefs and upbringing. After I'm married that will go away I'm sure.
     
  4. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I wasn't sure if it meant sexually active as in penatrative sex(wouldn't people who masterbate be sexually active!), ill change it now, thanks.
    I feel dirty because of my religious beliefs and upbringing. After I'm married that will go away I'm sure.

    Eta- I can't change it on my phone I have to do it on my computer tomorrow.
     
    #4 Godiva, Jun 10, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2010
  5. HardRocker

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    I guess you're right, masturbation would be technically sexually active, but its widely accepted to mean something you do in lieu of sex with a partner. We're splitting hairs between definitions and perceptions. No need get into a discussion of semantics, I was more concerned that you are being honest with yourself. That's the most important part of the big picture.

    As far as the dirty feelings, you have been taught what your parents and church believe, however as you come of age, you decide what you believe reality really is. Keep in mind, not all, or even most, theologians believe sex in a loving relationship is dirty or dependent on the laws of a particular land.

    There are some wild and scary interpretations of religious writings all over. You may have to seek sources from many points of view to come to a comfortable place in your own beliefs and what you want your children to learn. As far as masturbation, you are fulfilling a physiological need created by the chemicals you are made up of. But as with all things, moderation is the key to balance. No need to dwell on those dirty feelings that were taught for the sole purpose of controlling your actions. Use your intellect instead.
     
  6. igor

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    No need to feel dirty about it. AS Hr said - you are filling a physiological need.
    There is nothing biblical that indicates that masturbation itself is a sin.
     
  7. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    Yeah i know masturbation isn't bad, back in the day they thought it was using up "seeds" so it was bad because you waisted a life each time, but this isn't the case so i see touching ones self is NOT bad. Or dirty, but definitely something you don't want your mother to walk in on! haha.
    I did used to feel reallllly guilty about it though, but now that i don't i just do it nightly without feeling bad, though sometimes i do still feel a bit bad, i don't dwell on it.

    What could i do with my partner that won't tempt us but still satisfy our need so we don't feel as if we are neglecting each others needs?

    Yeah i find once a day or most days is perfect for me, but the more i find myself thinking of how close (yet far) the wedding is the more excited and one minded i become so I'm servicing myself more often these days. (i have multiples hence the frequency, it's usually all in one sitting)


    Whats something we can do that won't tempt us but still satisfy us.
    I'm not sure for him but i only ever nearly cracked when he held himself at my entrance without pushing down. I could have easily pushed down (i was on top) but i didn't.
    And when i glide his member i sometimes have the urge to put him inside me but i can control it but it's best i avoid this i think.

    That just leaves oral and hand jobs i think? Is there something i'm missing? What haven't we tried?
     
  8. igor

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    Just curious why you have to wait that long to get married.
     
  9. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    Because i don't want to rush into things! We've been together only half a year!
    I want to make sure i make the right choice! And i want to see how we interact when the 'honey-moon period' is over.
    2 years is not a long engagement. In my opinion it is too short!
     
  10. HardRocker

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    Godiva, I think you are doing about all you can. You're really pushing it by having genital contact, because only one quick moment of weakness is all it would take. As horny as you are, it would probably slip right in before you realized what you had done. Pulling back then may very well make your heads explode.:p Maybe try to step back a bit with that contact, and just keep rubbing it. That's the trouble with sex; we are hardwired to crave reproductive actions.

    If you do continue with penis-vagina touching, be sure he wears a condom. You can use a female condom for yourself. That may be even better because they seem to be a real turnoff. That's why you don't hear much about women using them.

    My recommendation is to go no further than mutual masturbation. And I think I understood you to say you were giving each other oral sex,
    so that is a huge help.
     
  11. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    What do you suggest would also help lower our drives too?

    We spent 3 days together with the rule to not touch below the belt, and by the end of the second night he touched me outside my clothes (consented) and the third night he went under my clothes (also consented). We tried saying random words like "lamp, table" so that he wouldn't get worked up ( i know we're funny!) and i made no movements or wriggles to help him not get aroused (he can easily slip his hand out if a parent decided to barge in, but you can't hide a stiffy that fast!) I can control my mojo more than him.

    I agree, we always use a condom if he is anywhere near me and even for oral just to make clean up easier.

    How would our heads explode? haha

    We made a rule were one of us is to always at least have underwear on if we are at his house, so one of us gets a release at a time and we aren't tempted to worse things.

    I just feel the need to "Shake things up". I have a feeling there is something I'm missing here? I should probably give him a strip tease ;). I love seducing him.

    I enjoy dry humping too! :)
     
  12. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I find that he gets relieved after sexual release, but i just get more and more hungry for it.

    How can we work ourselves around this situation. I'm at a very bad stage where I'm very weak. I haven't been visiting him, so none of us is getting any...just getting worked up and blue balls. Poor guy :(

    I hate this but i can't trust myself anymore at his. What can i do to make myself want sex less?

    I keep servicing myself 4 times a night and the number increases....to the point where i have so much muscle cramping all day from tensing up for so long...I hate this!!! I'm almost giving up and i just need some suggestions!?
     
  13. Barbwire

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    Oh, just FUCK already!
     
  14. Lucky

    Lucky New Member

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    Damn, with all the things you do to tease him I am not surprised he is always ready and you are feeling the need. You have me hot just reading your posts. There is nothing else honey but to consumate the act. You do not mention age, but when we are young, it is a primal need to have sex. And masturbation is not dirty in any way, it was a gift to us to release all of lifes pressures as well as feeling good. The way you tease this poor guy yet are putting marriage off for another year or so, I would be surprised if he is still there, he is only human after all. If he is "the one" you don't need a two year engagement, you are driving each other nuts!
     
  15. Mittimer

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    What I don't understand is that in another post she flat out says "I'm against marriage and I don't want kids (Ever)"

    But yet she says she doesn't want sex till marriage.

    What are you REALLY waiting for?
     
  16. 28152male

    28152male New Member

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    Well,I can recall being told ,"theres more to life than kicking back in the crib",back in Army boot camp.I don t know what your daily scedule looks like,either,& you haven t stated your age.Most people have to deal with the workaday world,too.Thought of a job,career?Schooling?Animal husbandry,if your on a station?
    You never stated what kind of religion,I had a catholic ma,& a protestant pop.Sounds like youre getting lots of sex,but its not of a M/F,missionary type of sex,like President Clinton said,I did not have sex with that woman,while she gave him head all the time.
    Religious people have sex to have children,not for pleasure/orgasms, in the catholic classical view.Old testament jews,it was a contract for life,& thats how women got someone to care for them,while its more of a male thing for men to marry for a steady sex partner,as well as for them to bear their kids & carry on their lineage,in a lawful,albeit religiously lawful /traditional way.Some Methodists teach girls to use sex massages from their teen yrs,to keep within church teachings,& not:"shame themselves,& their reputations".They had some methodists like that on Phil Donohue ,some yrs back saying exactly that,he was a american talk show host before Oprah.
    I have a sex education text/High school stuff ,it says abstinance,& to masterbate if you can t abstain altogether,which you ve stated is your personal situation.
    one website that sells sextoys,I got a tape from,it says women experience orgasm from clitoral stimulation,& rare is the case from regular intercourse.Maybe the G spot might be a exception.So,maybe ,youre setting yourself up for a letdown,& youre already at the summit,of being sexually satisfied.Most women Jill off with massagers,thru life,& thats why its the men that do the extramarital straying instead of women,besides ,statistically ,40% of women are dysfunctional ,& don t have orgasms with men thru conventional sex,I think it was stated in masters & johnsons.
    So,it sounds like youre more fortunate than 40% of women,being orgasmic,count your blessings,even if it doesn t work out with men in general.
    I ve one book called "Friends For Life",I liked it,its based on the premise that marriage is about lifelong friendship,with someone thats your life partner,& you can jill to keep satisfied ,thru out the rest of your life,if you can get along with your partner,a more religious point of view on marriage.Best wishes,my positive regards,whatever decisions you make,its your life,& you take responsability for any/all decisions you make///P.S.,do exercise,take up knitting,watch T V,get a pet,get a job,go to school of some sort,take up a hobby,a cause,...
     
    #16 28152male, Aug 3, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2010
  17. HardRocker

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    You can not make yourself want sex less. It's estrogen running rampant in your body; testosterone in his. It's how you're made. Aside from surgery, you cannot change that.
     
  18. Mittimer

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    Ok...I know I'm supposed to be nice here, but what the HELL do you mean by that?

    First , referring to %40 of women as "dysfunctional" is insulting to say the least.

    and Secondly, are you saying that us women having the ability to fuck ourselves with vibrators and get off with a phallic like object while you guys don't have such a thing is a valid reason why you men decide to go fuck the first thing with two legs and a moist orifice?

    Come on...
     
  19. Squeak

    Squeak New Member

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    @OP - First off, I'm not the religious type, so I'll shy away from any comments on an institution that tells you to suppress your bodily instincts. Ever notice that the "7 Deadly Sins" are ALL human nature? Just some food for thought...

    Moving on.

    HardRocker hit the nail on the head. You're already sexually active, honey, sorry to break it to you. Just because you haven't crossed the "Insert Tab A Into Slot B" threshold doesn't make a bit of difference. Oral sex is still sex - aside from pregnancy, it comes with the same risk factors, health wise.

    @21852male - I'm going to keep this as snark free as I possibly can.

    The fact that a reported team of sexologists saying women not having an orgasm as a sign of dysfunction is ludicrous. I'm assuming you're getting this tidbit of information "Most women Jill off with massagers,thru life,& thats why its the men that do the extramarital straying instead of women,besides ,statistically ,40% of women are dysfunctional ,& don t have orgasms with men thru conventional sex,I think it was stated in masters & johnsons" from either Human Sexual Response and Human Sexual Inadequacy, published in 1966 and 1970, texts that are 40 years old. The worlds of sexuality, knowledge and technology has come a LONG way in 40 years. I'm sure this would've been accepted as fact in 1970, but now? I'd beg to differ.

    Not to mention, you ever think that it might *gasp* be the man to blame? That perhaps women's sexuality, physiology, and mental accuity is a lot more complex then a "wham, bam, thank you Ma'am?" That maybe, just maybe we might require more food for though then some grunting and panting in the backseat of a car. Or a lab, in the case of Masters and Johnson.

    And yet WE'RE the dysfunctional ones.

    Wow, did I ramble...I think I did.

    oops. :p
     
  20. 28152male

    28152male New Member

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    see : Female Sexual Dysfunction ,I stand corrected,for it says 43% of women have some degree of sex dysfunction,but you can round it off... Clic on female sex dysfunction at the start of this,& it ll take you there!This is the www.webmd.com site.
    Well,I ve seen articles in just the past 2 yrs saying the same thing,so I went to web md for backup on this,being a reference source.I was a psych nurse type a few yrs,& took the same state exam R N s,& LPN s take to get their state license,while working as a unit trtmt & rehab specialist at the S FL St Hospital ,back in 80.They gave me a medication administration certificate,good only at state facilities./I worked adolescents division 15 mo.,among a few institutions in the Detroit area.
     
    #20 28152male, Aug 4, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 4, 2010