Virgin here, need some advice.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by TwentyTwo, Jan 27, 2008.

  1. TwentyTwo

    TwentyTwo New Member

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    Hello everyone! I have two questions for you guys, one of which is about sex itself, and one is more of a feeling sorta question.

    My girlfriend and I have been going out for over 3 years now. We're both 19, but we've yet to have sex. (we're both virgins) Anyways, we're just starting to get ready to have sex. Well, we tried not too long ago, and it really didn't turn out as planned. We were at my parent's house, and everyone was asleep so we were trying to be quiet. We were just about to finally go at it, but i was going slowly to try and make sure she didn't scream out or anything. (since i hear it can be kinda painful.) But mainly, i really didn't want to hurt her as i started penetrating her. I ended up going really slowly, but did this hurt things more than help? I ended up pulling out before even getting all the way in though, she said it was really hurting her. Would going in quickly make things easier for the very first time?

    Anyways, about my girlfriend. she's never really been too terribly sexual. Sure we haven't had sex, but we've both done everything up to oral. She masturbates a lot, but she never really gets horny too often, and when she does it doesn't last long. She's lied many times to me about me getting her to orgasm,so i really dunno if she enjoys any of the things i do at all. It almost seems like her libido is nonexistent, for the most part. We've read that in order to get really excited in bed, a girl has to feel sexy about herself. Do you guys have any suggestions about this, or at least any advice for helping her get more in the mood? This would probably also help out with the issue in bed, i would imagine.

    sorry for the wall-of-text, and thank you guys in advance for your help! :)
     
  2. Peregrine

    Peregrine New Member

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    "Wall of text"?? It's always better to have more info then not enough. Never apologize about that.

    I just wanted to suggest that when you are ready to do it the first time, don't do it when the folks are home and you have to be quiet and all that. You need to be relaxed and not worried about getting caught. Unless you are into that sort of thing... lol... but even then. For the very first time you don't need the added stress of possibly getting busted. Wait until no one is home!
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    "Ditto" what Peregrine said.

    A woman really needs to be relaxed, especially when she's new to actual penetration.

    I would also add to keep a mindset that let's you go with the flow. By that, I mean not to have the Big "O" as your 'finish line'. Chances are, it's not going to happen. The main thing is for both of you to enjoy the experience, so as to go into it the next time with a positive attitude. Don't be afraid to laugh at your 'failures' and make it an overall good memory.
     
  4. Dreama

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    What Rose said, and for goodness sake, LUBE! :) Just a friendly suggestion.
     
  5. Bluesy

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    First-time sex doesn't have to be a painful ordeal for a woman. Like Rose has said, relaxation is very important, as is degree of arousal. Spend lots of time beforehand on foreplay, and maybe even a bit of cunnilingus (even if you orgasm, intercourse still feels awesome).

    Compliment her...make sure she knows that you think she's beautiful, and don't just say it with words, say it with your eyes, your hands, your lips. If she's on any medication, that could be affecting her sex drive. Some forms of hormonal birth control will dampen libido. The best libido-booster is to strive to have as healthy a relationship as possible outside of the bedroom. Exercise and eating well are vital...stress reduction is especially important for women. If she's suffering from any emotional disorders (depression or anxiety), she should see a professional. She could always get her hormone levels checked out, but it is natural for some people to have a practically non-existent libido. All you can do is take care of the body and mind, and continually bolster your emotional connection, keep the channels of communication in excellent shape.

    Ah, there is a lubricant for women that's supposed to increase arousal...I can't remember the name now, but it starts with a "Z". Found it: http://www.zestra.com/index.php?option=com_simplefaq&Itemid=103
     
  6. cbrmale

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    I've only been with one virgin myself, so I'm not an expert, but I was sexually very experienced at the time. My now wife had been told her first time was going to hurt, and she was tense and nervous. No matter how much I tried to relax her, she was quite tense. So I did it using some lube, not fast but not slowly either. A steady push and then pause. It hurt her, I felt it, but it was time for her to have sex. After she got used to me inside, I started to thrust slowly.

    With all my experience I didn't know of a way of doing it differently. With my subsequent experience, I'd probably do it the same way again.

    By the way, our second time next morning was magnificent. Pain was gone, she was relaxed, and we cuddled and kissed and I explored her arousal more and we had great sex. And things got better and better over the next weeks, until we were sharing the best sex that I'd had until that point in my life.
     
  7. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    If She masturbates a lot, I would think that Hymen should be gone
    by now. And She should be able to handle Her first sex
    w/o any pain.
    And how do know that she masturbates a lot, Do you watch.

    Hiker
     
  8. cbrmale

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    My wife masturbated a lot (she told me), but her hymen was very much intact. She was very orgasmic though.
     
  9. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Yeah, but it could still hurt. I masturbated a lot before (and let's be honest,...after) I got around to losing my virginity. My hymen was already torn, (probably from exercising) and it STILL hurt like a son-of-a-bitch when I lost my virginity. It hurt almost as bad the second time around as well, even though my boyfriend and I had spent the last two hours heavily making out in his car.
     
  10. kitttiekat

    kitttiekat New Member

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    Get a hotel room and a bottle of wine.
     
  11. ccjcool

    ccjcool New Member

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    As a guy who recently had his first actual sex in several years, I can certainly understand why both of you, especially her, would be stressed and nervous about losing your virginity. Granted she is likely worried about the pain, but it is quite possible that she is still questioning in her mind if she even wants to go through with it. Ask her to be completely honest with you about that, and of course if she says she wants to wait, by all means, wait. Likewise, if you decide at the last minute that you're not ready, tell her. For being together for 3 years, that takes true dedication. So I'm positive that both of you should be understanding enough of each other if that be the case.

    As for you, as was said above, dont be worried about reaching the big o. For either one of you! From what im told, majority of "first times" dont end in orgasm. Ironically, when I had sex for the first time in years a couple weeks ago, I didnt come at all. I was so stressed at the thought that I would come super quickly that it almost ruined things because rather than letting myself orgasm, I had a mental block keeping me from it no matter how much i eventually tried to relax. My partner was beginning to blame herself, thinking that it was her not "pleasing" me, which was not the case at all. Needless to say, the next morning worked out a helluva lot better after both of us had relaxed after a few hours of sleep. ;) Moral of the story is that the first time can be stressful, but you just gotta relax. Take your time and dont rush it. It'll all happen in due time.