I found this guide out on the web long ago, but can't find it anymore. So I thought I'd post it here while I'm cleaning out my computer. Maybe someone can find it as educational as I did! (sorry for the poor format, bad cut & paste!) Sex Advice from the Experts - Sex Therapy Cindy's Guide to Better Married Sex...Through Pornographic Videos and Role-Playing! This is a guide I wrote for a female friend who wanted to know what kept my husband and I so active and satisfied sexually after "all these years". I hope that someone out there will find this guide as useful as she did. She last reported that she and her husband were having more fun and more sex than at any time in their marriage! Since then, I've recommended this list to many women over this forum, and nearly all of them have reported excellent results! Why pornographic videos? They encourage us to try different things and even if you've "done it all", the act of role-playing can be fun! These are my guidelines but feel free to reply and add or change anything that suits you: 1. Be Prepared - Things to buy Videos - Start with something "soft core". Avoid S&M, violent acting, or very dirty and crude videos. Try to buy videos that show both male and female engaging in what you consider "normal", enjoyable sex at first. Your husband might even be bored( ! ), but try to explain that you are on a learning journey, and want to start slow. Amateur videos might also be tried. They usually aren't nearly as acrobatic as some professional ones! Lingerie - Unless your role-playing includes some other specific kind of clothing, stick to attractive lingerie the first time. Later you can buy clothing that matches or is similar to the actors in the movies. Other ideas are hoseiry, halloween costumes (lightweight and can be easily hidden!), gloves anda masquerade party type mask, especially if you are embarassed or want to "role play" as someone else. Lubricant - The speed at which pornographic movies move is sometimes too fast for proper "preparation", not to mention sometimes your body might not be used to not only the place, but the positions and places where things are...put in! Lubricant has many uses. Stick to something safe, odor and flavor free, like Vaseline. Adult Toys - Keep one on hand or buy one if you don't have one already. Sometimes an adult toy will appear in a video. Best keep one beside the bed, just in case! A simple vibrator is usually a generic choice. Juices - Drink plenty of fruit juices, such as pineapple or apple juice. They say you "are what you eat". Sweet juices make your various body fluids, and your body odor for that matter, much nicer. Avoid too much meat or hard alcohol such as vodka or whiskey which can make you "bitter". Wash Thoroughly and Change Clothing! You never know where your mouth, fingers or nose will need to go, or where your partner will go, so make sure you are entirely clean! I prefer to use a perfume in addition to this, and recommend this if you are concerned with any embarassing odors. Perfume works wonders in concealing bad smells, and most men I've talked to, including my husbad, find perfume increases their sexual arousal. If your husband finds a particular perfume "smells bad", then there are many other choices. Go perfume shopping with him! Also, if you find your husband's cologne smells cheap or not very good, then go shopping and buy him some nice smelling cologne. Another tip: Have a few varieties. Changing the perfume every once and a while will help keep things fresh and different. Buy a box of odorless sanitary wipes, or prepare a few wet towels Sometimes the actors or actresses will do something you consider "gross", such as perform oral sex (man or woman) after vaginal or anal sex. I'm brave, but usually find that a little gross myself, unless of course we're in a tub or shower. And I strongly suspect that in MOST videos, such actions are preceded by a "Cut!" from the director, and a little cleaning up. So if you feel dirty, or you think your husband is, then by all means, use a towel or wipe! 2. How to Role-Play Try to "get into character" - If the woman is submissive in the video, play submissive. If she is Try not to laugh! - Laughing, or making "disgusting" faces will ruin the role-playing experience. The first time is OK, but try to stay in character in the future. Always watch a NEW scene - if you only have one video, then don't watch the next scenes. Keep it a surprise! This makes it more exciting! Follow the actions of the actors as closely as possible - Don't hurt yourself, but try to keep up. If a position is too difficult or is too painful, then just do the best you can. If you find you are very inflexible, try stretching exercises before and after you have sex. Pornographic actors are human too, and what they do with their bodies is not impossible! TRY EVERYTHING ONCE! - Don't reflexively say "I can't do that!" when the actors try something you find unusual or "dirty". If there is somewhere you think you'd never put your tongue, or somewhere you'd never let yourself be massaged or penetrated, you probably should try it! For example, in a recent survey of 5000 married couples in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil found that in 50% of households, anal sex is regularly included in the lovemaking experience! These figures are high mostly because the couples want to avoid pregnancy. In North America, Redbook Magazine surveyed 100,000 married women on their anal sex practices. Here is what the survey said: 43% of married women have tried anal intercourse. Of these, 45% found it somewhat or very enjoyable. 10% did not have feelings either way. That gives you a pretty high chance of finding it at least mildly enjoyable! So how do you do it? It is recommended to build up to anal sex by trying anal stimulation prior to full penetration. For most people, the anal area is an important erogenous zone, as it is believed that stimulation of that area can be very pleasurable. However, the rectum is also very delicate and must be approached with care. The easiest way to stimulate the anus is by having your husband slowly massage you there during intercourse or whilst performing oral sex. If it is comfortable, then explore a little further (and deeper). Consider your own current limits - I have a friend who told me she had never even tried oral sex. If you are like her, then work slowly. Find a VERY soft-core pornographic movie to start with. If you are someone who rarely strays from "missionary position", then oral or anal or any other kind of unusual sex may take some time. Psychological barriers can take effort to break. That is why the Role-Playing aspect helps, as do costumes, perfumes and masks. 3. Have Fun The most important thing is to have fun - I'm writing this for women, so if you have read this far, then you are probably open to this whole idea. I've never heard of a man objecting to his wife trying new things, and if your husband is reluctant to try anything new, and you would like to, then you may require serious sexual or marriage counseling. And of course, don't force your husbad to watch pornographic videos if he is morally opposed to them. Watch them yourself, learn the techniques, and try them, one by one if he's open to that. 4. Was that fun? How about (pretending to) making your own video? Graduated? Is there little left in pornographic videos that you find interesting or new? How about making your own video? You don't have to keep it on any kind of permanent film or recording. You can just use the camera hooked up to a TV as a kind of "mirror". Some couples find watching themselves the most exciting thing of all, ESPECIALLY after they've tried everything there is to try. One married woman wrote that they would record, watch, then destroy the tape they recorded. "That way we're sure the video will never be 'discovered' and we'll always be watching something new!" Try costumes, accents, role-playing different personality types. The possibilities are endless!