Vibrator is breaking my confidence.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Goldenlion, Mar 30, 2007.

  1. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    Hey guys, this is my first post here, i did use the search button to try find a similar topic, but no luck.

    Anyway, I've been going out with my current girlfriend for nearly 4 months now.
    I love her very much & the sex has been fantastic until about 3 weeks ago.
    I found that i was doing most, if not all of the pleasing when we make love. She just lays there and i do all the tricks, giving her lots of orgasims etc... which aint fair.

    So i stopped putting in 100% effort, and without that there is no passion what so ever. she just lays there like normal and says "whats wrong" or whatever. So it kills the moment.



    ANYWAY my main problem at the moment is;
    She's one horny lass, she has two vibrators, one small, and another is a rabbit.
    Which im cool with, i even used them on her once while we had sex, which was cool.
    But now she wants this new double rabbit, which stimulates the clit, anus and vagina at the same time.
    This alone doesn't bother me, just the fact that its an inch bigger then i am does.
    Im 7" and im pretty big girth wise aswell. Her old rabbit is 6" and not as big around but i still dont really dig the idea of these toys.
    Now she wants so super ultra thing, which can do more then i can and its bigger then me.

    We were talking about her old rabbit, I thought it was bigger then i am, she told me it wasn't, im bigger around and in length. Assuring me, so i didnt freak out. Which was all true.
    She then spoke of a new one she wants to get, and left out how big it was, so i went home and checked it out to find its an inch more. This really hurts my confidence and im not quite sure how to go about it.
    She's just left to Italy for 3 weeks so i wont be seeing her for a while.
    Like our sex hasn't been too good recently and now she's after a new toy. Chances are they most definitely arn't related but it still hurts inside :(

    What should i do ? got any advise or words to calm me down because im freaking out right now!

    Thanks!

    ::edit::

    Also, am i reacting to bad to this ? Like shouldn't i be worried ?
    Really could do with some advise :(

    Thanks again!
     
  2. NaughtyKnickers

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    I can't speak from a male standpoint, being a woman and all ;) but I offer you my sympathy.
    There is nothing sexy or sensual about feeling inadequate. :ugh

    I've always been a big fan of sex toys and I still am, but I can see the danger in them possibly taking place temporarily if she has a toy that offers instant gratification and gets her off easily, she might opt for that rather than put forth the effort of learning how to have truly fulfilling and continually exciting sex with you.

    I think the good news is that a vibrator is only going to do the trick for her for so long, as it simply cannot compensate for a warm body, the exciting sexual responses and intimacy a partner offers! :) I love my toys and the things I can do with my body alone, but there is absolutely no replacement for sex with my partner.
    We've had this sort of discussion on this forum several times before and the consensus is always the same; toys do NOT replace intercourse with a partner.
    If she does have a bit of a hang up with the vibrator right now, you might take a scant bit of relief in the notion that it probably won't last for too long; toys however big or fancy, just aren't as fulfilling.

    Be certain you are touching her all over, adoring and worshipping her body with your hands and lips, making her feel sexy and desirable and drawing her fully into the sensuality of the moment. Her limited response could be due to lack of preparation if you aren't taking the time to get her fully aroused and excited before you have intercourse. :ugh

    If you're doing all of these things to love her body and bring her to the right state of excitement before you have intercourse and yet she isn't responsive, you might want to find a way to tactfully address her lack of participation.
    After all, she is just as responsible for her orgasm as you are! :)
     
  3. heelfetish

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    What a wonderful reply, NK. :tup I have nothing further to add, your honor. :eek:
     
  4. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Golden
    I would suggest that you listen to NK.
    After reading your post I was thinking of a reply
    and I think Naughty just took the words right of my mouth,
    and only She can do that.
    But a little input from me anyway.
    In our daily grind we get horny. We as Men can take things in hand anywhere
    we happen to be and you undoubtely have paid a visit to the
    4 Sisters on thumbs creek just to get some relief. Ain't it amazing how
    tight or loose you can make that hand, or just how far you can stick it in.
    So why shouldn't She have the same privilege. Just because the Rabbit
    is 9 inches long doesn't mean that She sticks it all in, And if you
    open your mind you will realize that She cant stick it all in because of
    the two stimulator's on it.
    Can that Rabbit deep kiss Her, I think not.
    Can it give Her a good massage, I think not
    Can it give Her a compliment on Her good looks, I think not.
    I have a 9' cock and thought nothing of it when my wife bought a 11"
    black Jelly one as i know it cant do the things I do.
    put it this way.
    The Rabbit can give Her sexual relief when She needs it.
    You can give Her LOVE when She needs it.
    I think your mind set is getting out of hand, So work on it.

    Hiker
     
  5. spooky_chicken

    spooky_chicken New Member

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    If you ever notice the vibrator starting to replace you, then you worry. It should never get to that though. Like everyone else said, the vibrator can't replace your loving touch. It will only provide that instant sexual relief.

    Playing these kind of games will kill the relationship in the long run. You need to sit down and have a talk with her. Let her know how you are feeling. You need communication in a relationship. Let her tell you why she wants a bigger bunny. You might even be surprised with her answer ;) .

    Sassy tells me once in a while that "her bunny can take her places that no man can." I just laugh. We both enjoy the intimate moments together, we both end up satisfied in the end, and thats all that really matters.
     
  6. SexyScorp

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    Didnt the joke used to be "whats the difference between a man and a cucumber"

    Maybe that should be changed to

    "whats the difference between a man and a Rabbit shaped sex aid"

    Oh dear....

    The soft side of my heart actually feels sorry for men in this case....

    I would HATE to compete with a piece of fecking plastic....can you imagine if it was
    the other way around and the guy was fecking himself a lot with a vibro...

    How would women feel then :(

    I hope you are able to come to some agreement with this "sensitive" issue...

    Personally Ive never really felt the need for sex toys and if I did use them i would liketo think my lover didnt feel threatened....:(
     
  7. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    Goldenlion

    You said

    Goldenlion

    I am a full inch shorter than you and my wife has toys also. Do I worry about that or compare sizes of me to a bit of plastic? Not a jot. I couldn't even tell you how big my wife's toys are.

    If you read other postings on this brilliant forum you will discover that most women don't attach much importance to cock size and definitely not comparison to the size of their sex toys.

    Can the best available toys of your SO perform the following:

    Expand from small to large within her hands or mouth or vagina at her command?
    Fill her comfortably in any willing hole with natural skin against skin warmth and with pre-cum?

    Honestly mate, I think you are getting paranoid when you should not.

    You say that she is one horny lass. That is great.

    Please for your own sake don't let the toy thing disturb you. If your concerns come across to her, she might think you lack self esteem and confidence.

    You have no need to feel that way.

    Exploit her desire for the new toys I say.

    Combine them with your love making and you will both benefit.
     
  8. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    If she isnt putting in, u need to ask...
    Could u go on top or things that u know she will have to work at.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    I have a fair bit of experience, I can't say for certain but about a hundred or so partners over the years. I could always tell the ladies who use vibrators a lot, because you cannot make them come with conventional means! My theory is the clitoris gets desensitised with regular vibrator usage, and oral sex just doesn't work after a while. You can help these women to come, but not easily and often you need to move from oral sex to something else.

    I find oral intimate and personal, and to think it can be destroyed is sad.
     
  10. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    Thanks for the advise guys.

    I am doing all of those things.
    Im not rushing into inercourse.
    I spend at least 30 mins doing the above, getting her hot and ready.
    But like i said, that just involves her laying there while i do all the hard work. She's a selfish lover what more can i say ?
    She told me i give her the best sex she's ever had, so i guess in turn, she thinks the same.
    Which in a way is true because she's my 1st sexual partner BUT im finding it boring her just laying there then opening her legs when the time comes.
    Put it this way, most times i feel like im shagging a sex doll, she's lacking that much in participation.

    On the vibrator issue, she said "its not better, its different. Nothing can beat skin on skin" etc... Then she said "besides, its not like its something i cant live without."
    But then im gonna feel like an asshole for not allowing her to have a toy she wants.


    Back to Naughtyknickers.
    Why do guys have to do all the worshipping ? Its nice for guys to feel the same in return.
    I know the female form is beautiful in most respects, but so is mine. Im a gymnast & a fitness instructor so i have a body which puts most main stream male models to shame.
    I wanna feel loved and appreciated during love making, and right now thats not what i feel.
     
  11. cbrmale

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    My wife was like this, and we attempted to resolve her passiveness through communication. After counselling and some long talks, we eventually found it was her Christian past, and the way Christians are made to feel guilty about sex. To help my wife become more sexually active, I found some materials to help her reconcile current Church teaching on sex. Once she became less guilty, she found sex became more pleasurable. Of course, the more you put in, the more you get back.

    The only thing I can say is what you have is not uncommon, and it may take some time before you discover what it is that is holding your girlfriend back from participating in the sexual event. I understand what you are going through, and personal communication is the only solution in your current relationship.
     
  12. SexyScorp

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    Goldenlion

    I have a male friend who uses a vibro for prostate stimulation....I am the only one he has told!!!

    If he had a wife, I wonder how she would feel if he told her he used this often because the orgams were more intense (he said this to me...that they last longer and are more satisfying than when making love).

    I bet that woman wouldnt be too pleased.....

    Double standards I think...

    I am with you on this one....especially as she has only been with you for 4 MONTHS.....!!!!
     
  13. NaughtyKnickers

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    I never said guys have to do all of the worshipping, that should never be the case.
    I have been posting on this forum several months now and those who have read my posts along the way know well that that is not my mantality. :)
    You didn't mention foreplay in your initial post, so I had no way of knowing whether or not that was happening. Some men neglect properly preparing a womans body for sex and then don't understand why she doesn't respond. I didn't feel it would be fair to look at the situation without knowing whether her needs were being attended to. :tup to you for taking the time to prepare and arouse her the way you have mentioned. You are a better lover for it, even if she does not appreciate it.

    It's entirely understandable that you might be feeling very unfulfilled when she does not touch or appreciate your body, I was simply addressing her receiving you without much interest or appreciation.

    Sometimes a woman's lack of interest can be due to other things, such as abuse, or guilt (as Cbrmale mentioned), etc. If you can rule out these things for certain, and you feel she is simply a selfish lover, that's a different story entirely.

    If she can't take wonderful foreplay from you without giving back with a little bit of enthusiasm, I didn't figure she would be the giver that would enjoy worshipping your body and giving you that kind of attention; that's obviously asking too much in your current situation.

    If she says she can't live without the sex toy, that is a problem, in my opinion. A sex toy is a fun extra, but needs to used as an aside, not the staple of her sexual pleasure. And you shouldn't feel badly about discouraging her use of a toy given the troubles you two are having in bed. Although toys are NOT 100% fulfilling in both the emotional and physical sense, they can become a crutch for a lazy lover who does not appreciate the intimacy and give/receive nature of sex, and is happy to simply address their physical desires.

    You just drew the conclusion that she is a selfish lover. Only you can do that.
    If that is the case, you have some decisions to make. Good luck with them. :)
     
    #13 NaughtyKnickers, Mar 31, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2007
  14. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    Guys don't HAVE to do all the worshiping...they should LOVE to do all the worshiping ;)

    It could be worse...you could not have a woman to worship at all.
     
  15. SexyScorp

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    Worshiping and adoration to me, should be a two way thing!!

    I love and adore you.....words to be spoken often and
    with passion.......

    Falling at ones' feet seems to be a dying ritual these days...

    I love thee and worship thee eternally is hardly heard....

    What a shame :(

    And how blessed I was to have someone in my life who
    uttered such things...

    Oh how I do miss him....

    :(

    [​IMG]
     
  16. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    SP said
    That says a lot.
    It is nature that the men worship the female body, I most certainly do.
    The Woman spends hours trying to be perfect for us to enjoy.
    So worship her and let Her know that you appreciate it.

    I go to the gym, not to be worshiped, but to be able to satisfy a Woman and to
    maintain good health.

    Hiker:sf .
     
  17. cbrmale

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    But when a man does all the worshipping, and gets little in return; it is both unsatisfying and makes any man question whether or not his partner really wants to be having sex, or even to be in the relationship with him.
     
  18. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    Hmm...I have never felt that way about it. I guess we should both stop generalizing :)
     
  19. cbrmale

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    I'm not generalising: I've been there, done that, and I know how soul-destroying it becomes after a while. All the more when you have feelings for a woman and try to please her, but she doesn't get out of first gear in bed. It is emotionally draining and very frustrating.
     
  20. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    I was there for 12 years...so I too have experienced this for a long time. It did not bother me however. People react to things differently. I chose to let it not bother me. I still worshipped her and her body, and took control of things in the bedroom.