very uncomfortable with cousin, help

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by naed24, Mar 26, 2004.

  1. naed24

    naed24 New Member

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    having sex with a cousin is incest already right? is this ok? my first sexual encounter was with my cousin. i thought it was cool. i couldn't help but feel very uncomfortable whenever she's around these days. i'm thankful enough she's not staying with us. she used to stay in another country and now she's here for a vacation. i feel very embarrassed when we look at each other. she however acts as if shes got no care in the world! she's older than i am. is it just me? :ugh
     
  2. AndyC

    AndyC Banned

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    I think it's far more common than people think. Certainly my first sexual encounter was with a cousin (mutual masturbation) and in fact it was a first for me. She taught me how to masturbate and also how to finger her and I don't think either of us felt there was anything inherently wrong. It was just 13/14 year olds fooling around.

    We're still fairly close today (20 years on) though she's married now and though we're never short of anything to say. We never ever talked about that winter after it happened though. I guess we both understood instinctively it was a one off.

    Let bygones be bygones especially if she makes no reference to it. No harm has come of what has transpired and in some ways, there will always be a bond between the two of you and that is no bad thing. Maybe one day in the very distant future when we're both old and grey, my cousin and I will reminesce about the events of 60 years ago and have a laugh :).
     
  3. Logger

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    Secrets

    Sometimes things hapen that seem innocnet enough at the time, but later on, it becomes apparent that it was wrong, from a number of standpoints.

    It is a partner's duty to keep the secrecy of the other partner to an indiscretion. Particularly if your partner was a woman, it is your job to keep silent.

    Let this be a growth experience for you. It is real awkward later, if you fool around with someone who will later be in some other type of relationship with you. I try to avoid doing anything that I intend to keep secret from my wife. There is a concept of Radical Honesty, RH. If you avoid doing anything that you have to keep secret, you will avoid conflicts in being honest and protecting the honor of a partner.

    Remember your feelings now, when you have the opportunity to be insdiscreet with your best friend's girl friend, or the wife of a close friend. You can now see that things can get real awkward.
     
  4. r_command

    r_command New Member

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    I dunno. It's a really weird topic of discussion. My family is divided by 1,200 miles. My cousin, who's now 1,200 miles away, had the hots for me. She was a step cousin, but it was still weird. I don't know if situations like that can be anything but awkward.

    Where I live now, my sister-in-law's adopted sister likes me too. I just stay away from her or be distant. That works best.
     
  5. hil_hil

    hil_hil New Member

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    If their not related it isn't actually wrong but I see what you mean as it still isn't socially excepted.
     
  6. Cousin_Lover

    Cousin_Lover New Member

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    Me and my cousin are in love and have been having sex for 5 years. We feel that it's totally natural and can't imagine being with anyone else. We plan on having children soon because the risks aren't any more dangerous than if we we a regular couple. Our family is supportive.
     
  7. SexyScorp

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    Is it legal to marry a cousin and have babies together?

    Just wondering?
     
  8. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    According to this website no European country specifically forbids first cousins from marrying and 26 US states allow it. I guess it's a lot less taboo than previously thought.
     
  9. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Like Puss said above, one may marry one's first cousin in some states and some other nations. I think that President Franklin D. Roosevelt and his wife Eleanor Roosevelt may have been first cousins. However, in some states and some nations first cousins may not marry. Two things would be of concern to me. First, if first cousins are having sex with each other, it is always possible that a pregnancy could result, of course, and you need to be aware that any child from such a union could have genetic traits show up which might be a problem, healthwise, and would be made worse by this family union. That's one big reason why those who make the laws are very cautious about allowing relatives to "inbreed", so to speak, and in some places forbid it. If two cousins can be married and want to be married, they would be well advised to go to a genetic counselor (you can find them at medical schools and most major medical centers) to determine if there are any potential problems which the couple should be aware of if they should ever have children. Other potential health problems exist as well. Also, another potential problem, from a mental health point of view, would be whether or not one cousin or relative has power, control over the other such as parent-child, baby sitter/caregiver-child, etc. When children and young people are developing (which continues into the early to mid twenties by the way), they really need to have a nonsexual, nonabusive relationship with people who have control over them or care for them. To make a long story short, having sex with a parental figure or control figure (even in a nonrelative, work environment) can cause a number of psychological problems. Many social workers, mental health and law enforcement people spend much of their time dealing with problems which have been created by these things. Yeah, sometimes kids will "play doctor" with each other, diddle with each other, masturbate together and so forth. However, it is just an area of human behavior where all involved parties must be very careful and, whether or not sex is involved, any abuse of any sort must be avoided or it CAN do a LOT of damage! If you have had sex with a first cousin or second cousin, etc. and feel uneasy about it, it would probably be a good idea to find a good counselor and talk with them about it (which can be done totally confidentially) in order to help yourself deal with it and set your own mind at ease. Personally speaking, if I was going to consider getting involved with a family member, I would come no closer than third or fourth cousin and consider all others to be "off limits" and even with a third or fourth cousin, I would think twice about it - of course, that's just me. As for others, I would advise making sure, if you are thinking about having sex with a family member, that it not be a mother, father, brother, sister, aunt or uncle and that if it is as close as a first cousin, that you make sure that it is not in any way abusive for either of you. Pardon me for going on at length about all this, however, my words here are based on years of insight into such matters! Trust me on this one!
     
  10. doberman

    doberman New Member

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    AFAIK, in switzerland you're supposed to do some kind of testing if you want to get married to your first grade cousin.. but i heard that some time ago, never checked up..

    i just checked, only if its in straight line, a cousin is no straight line, you are even allowed to get married to your step-sister or -brother. that wasnt allowed until beginning of this year, as laws regarding partnerships have changed. even homosexual marriage is now allowed althrough switzerland..
     
  11. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Of course, I am not Chavez of Venuzuela who recently got the power to rule by decree for 18 months (sounds kind of like the ancient Romans), however, if everybody crowned me king (that's a scary thought, ha, ha), I guess my main concern would be that we were careful about not letting undesireable traits (such as genetic diseases) be passed on by unions of those who are closely related and that we don't allow unions which is going to result in someone being abused, developing mental problems as the result and so forth. I have had acquaintances in the social work and mental health fields who have told me that occasionally they have encountered incest situations in which an aunt has sex with their nephew or a mother has sex with her son or sister has sex with her biological brother. They said that when that has happened, their experience, generally speaking, has been that the female relative has had some sort of extreme mental disorder of some sort and that it creates emotional difficulities for the male (not to mention what father-daughter, uncle-niece does). Apparently the "best of all worlds", for human kind is 1) no marriage or sexual relationship closer than first cousin and preferably no closer than second cousin and being very careful about not being in a relationship where one person has control over the other. If one is marrying one's first cousin, or evern second cousin, with the idea of eventually having children, certainly it would be a very good idea to have a genetic check and genetic counseling done whether or not the law requires it. As far as I know, President Franklin Roosevelt and his wife/first cousin Eleanor Roosevelt did not have any genetic problems show up in their children and I have heard the same about other first cousin marriages, however, it would be a good idea, acting on the safe side, to have a genetic check done. I don't say any of this in an argumentative or condemining manner - just a "be safe, be careful" manner.
     
  12. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    My first experience with a woman was with my cousin. We kissed and played with each other, but that was about it. It was funny at the family reunions that we would dissappear and have our little fun. She was my first cousin. Today we talk and laugh, but we are both married and laugh at how funny thigs were at the time.
     
  13. Cousin_Lover

    Cousin_Lover New Member

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    Why did you stop? Did it not feel natural to you? me and my cousin started fooling around young and it just always felt right.
     
  14. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    In a wonderful world we could avoid birth defects...... I have a child with a birth defect (and no, I'm not married to a cousin or a brother or anything).... even children with birth defects deserve to be born. The thought that telling a couple they should not have a child because they MIGHT have a child with a genetic birth defect is horrid to me. Let's worry more about the people who have babies (absolutely healthy babies) and don't take care of them.....

    Here's my opinion on cousins marrying, since it was brought up.
    If you love each other, great! If your purpose is to shock or surprise others, wtf? It sounds like you have a great support system and that things will work out just fine. Here's MY question: Why advertise? I'm not suggesting being ashamed. But really, if this is a relationship based on sincerely loving another person, then that is what this should be about, and the fact that this person is your cousin should be a subsequent thought. Just like saying this is my wife, whom I love very much and oh, she's catholic. Or she's blind. Or she's disabled. Or she's your cousin. Understand? You've chosen to put it right up front. We know nothing about you EXCEPT that you love your cousin, even by your screenname. Your inclination to make it so obvious has me curious and even a bit doubtful.
     
  15. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Still having edit problems....sorry!

    I didn't realize how old this thread is, and thought it was started by Cousin-Lover, so I guess my response is more directed to that user. My response was not meant to be offensive, only honest.
     
  16. Cousin_Lover

    Cousin_Lover New Member

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    No problem. It's been proven through statistics that 1st cousins have no more risk than regular couples of birth defects. They DO happen and they suck and I feel for anyone who has to deal with that, but the way I look at it is that it could ALWAYS be worse. Just take things one day at a time and the universe has a way of working things out.
     
  17. AnonymousOne

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    Sounds more like a fucking tyrant.
     
  18. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    Oh no, we stopped cause she lived a few hundred miles away and se was here for the summer..lol
     
  19. Arch_Stanton

    Arch_Stanton New Member

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    Thats just wrong. She's own flesh and blood, like a sister.
     
  20. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Shall we try that again? Perhaps with the words "In my opinion" before or after the apparent judgement?