[Ask a Girl] Very Strange Problem

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by warrengizy, Oct 27, 2011.

  1. warrengizy

    warrengizy New Member

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    Hey peeps!! Here's hoping I can get some insights from u guys! Well, i've been seein this girl for a while now and we're both really into each other which is great! Really love the company of this girl! Anyway everything is great apart from sex! I can't really say why it's not good tho but it just isn't! Few times now, i couldn't shoot my load whilst on top and when she gets on top, i completely loose any sensation i had! I also don't really enjoy how she gives me a bj and also don't have any sensation during this.

    So now, it's happening more and more now that i can't get it up at all or if i do, then doesn't last very long! First time she got pretty upset with me and we ended up not speaking for over a week! We got back together and it was fine.
    Now it's happened again and i'm gettin quite scared now! I'm just 28, so what could be happenin to me?? It's also affecting my confidence somewhat as now when we get together, all think about is hopin i get hard!
    This is very unusual for me as well as i'm quite red blooded and get hard with minimal stimulation. It's also been fine with prev girls and i could also quite easily have 2 or 3 orgasms on a bounce before passing out. Admittedly tho, this is the first girl i've been with that i have an emotional connection for. Most of the other girls have either been shotgun relationships or one nighters.

    Oh yeah, she also does say that she's unable to 'feel me emotionally' during sex!

    So that's it.... What should i do? Is it possible for two people with strong mutual feelings to be just sexually incompatible??
     
  2. boobjob

    Verified Gold Member

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    That seems to be the key. Why don't you try spending time nake or stripped down to skivies without having sex. Exchange massages, cuddle, brush her hair, things like that. Grooming is very intimate and may provide what she is looking for emotionally. Then she might be more in the mood and you will both be happy.
     
  3. IvanDyn

    IvanDyn New Member

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    This is actually not an uncommon problem. Of course I don't know the details, but to me it seems that this comes from an unconscious fear of intimacy. you see, when you were with these short-term girls, you didn't invest so much emotion into it and the responsibility wasn't so high. Now that you are emotionally connected to a girl you have triggered some unconscious emotional patterns that have otherwise been "dormant".

    My advice is to be honest with yourself and ask youself WHY you don't want to be emotionally committed and invested to this person. Maybe you have experienced some traumas related to this. Maybe you have seen some suffering related to relationships in your childhood. What would happen if you actually get even more emotionally invested in this girl? What are the negative consequences of this (I know you like her, but unconsciously you might have a reason why you DON't want to be with her)? It requires some self-awareness work.
    Or maybe you just need to interrupt this pattern of loosing your "senses". However, I don't know how you could do this, since I don't know your story.
    If you have more questions PM me.

    Good luck!
    Ivan
     
  4. Alwayslearningsex

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    I will give you an odd suggestion just for now: avoid her giving you oral for a short while, have her try her hand a bit for a change, and also don't expect all girls to be the same the way they give oral, maybe you can coach her how to do it for you specifically, that is if she was wanting to make you cum from oral.
     
  5. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Performance anxiety?
     
  6. warrengizy

    warrengizy New Member

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    @IvanDyn,

    There may be some truth to some of what u say. I don't have any past relationship traumas as such but i am a very emotionally reserved person which i don't/didn't necessarily see as a bad thing. It has certainly helped me through life so far in terms of being able to differentiate btw emotional and logical reasoning or responses.

    She certainly picked up on this in the first months as she kept commentin on how closed i am (she does wear her heart on her sleeve!) - not anymore tho as i've prob opened up a lot as my feelings for her grew.

    In terms of being honest and thinking about why i really wouldn't want to be with her, i really can't think of any reason! Sure she's got her faults but who hasn't?? All petty stuff really.


    @boobjob She's always in the mood! It is me that can't seem to get unto the same cloud she's on and she feels this! (even tho i'm still doing all the mushy stuff! Smthin about me not being in the natural flow!) and i guess she's right hence this whole 'limp dick' shit!!! :(

    @Husband... Guess u're right too!
     
  7. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    Dude. This is going to sound cold but run...... As fast and far as you can. The fact that she got made. OMG is she kidding me. Likes its your fault. Lets face it and for the women on this site I do not mean any disrespect. Guys have all the weight on their shoulders. Sometimes things just do not work. Just like girls sometimes just do not get off. The difference is with a guy you cant perform the main event. When this happens if you women does not understand and holds you responsible and gets mad I don't think you have any hope. I mean each time you get in bed your now going to worry about it. So the fun just got sucked out of it. I had the same exact thing happen to me and I was like the same age you are. I was so mad at her for being mad at me that when ever we had sex thats all I would think about. She ruined me for months. Than I left. That was that. My next girl friend was a nymph. I mean she wanted it 3 times a day. If I did not put out she would get mad at me. Sounds funny but at first I thought oh know its going to happen with her now. The best part was she did not care. It happened and she was like no problem and I remember she said just shut up and start munching. She spun around like a 69 and sat on my face. She loved it she was getting off on my face and the whole time she just had my cock in her hand and was very gently squeezing it. Than I got hard and she slowly jerked me off . she said were both gonna come but not by fucking. Well we did. She was exactly what I needed. I realized that it was all in my head at that point. i also realized that if you cant get hard who care. Don't stop just get her off anyway you can. Chances are by the time she gets off you will be hard. If the girl puts mental pressure on you your done. Most of the women on this site if not all seem to be very understanding. If your are a women and have this problem with your man, in my opinion the best thing you can do is act like its not a big deal and let him know hes got many other body parts he can use. Other wise you are more then likely on the road to disaster. Good luck... PS I have never really had any problems since and I'm in my 40s now...
     
    #7 hubbywubby, Oct 27, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2011
  8. lbushwalker

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    There is something in hubbywubby's comments that rings true but in addition my opinion warrengizy is that girl despite all her apparent good points does not rock your boat. Probably it is a chemistry thing.
    Something not that different happened to me in my early twenties; the girl had it all yet somehow despite having a ravenous appetite for sex, doing it with her was a non event and all I could think of was let's get it done and move on. She was well aware of this disconnect and pretty soon we went our separate ways but still remaining as friends to this day. Some people just don't gel together sexually.
     
  9. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Well, seriously, when we were first dating my wife was much more sexual than I and I definitely had performance anxiety issues, I went to see a urologist to see if I could figure out the problem and he wante me to wear a monitor... At the time I didn't have enough time to get it, so all I had done was talk about it and the next time we had sex everything was working as intended.

    There have been times when we've had issues, and it's affected my performance.

    Now as for her frustration with you, it's understandable because really who anticipates that a male is going to have issues performance. It's not something that's expected. The problem is that it adds to the problem.

    If the two of you can communicate effectively and reach a comfort level with eachother this should get better, and if not maybe it's an indicator that the relationship isn't right.
     
  10. Mittimer

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    Female perspective here.

    Regardless of how you feel emotionally for her, if you don't click sexually at all and you aren't enjoying your sexual encounters to the point that you're not able to get an erection or you LOSE your erection, then that's something you need to get yourself out of.

    Frankly, your girlfriend shouldn't be getting ANGRY at your "issue". She should be supporting you and asking you what it is she can do to help you. Someone who can't be adult enough to sit down and talk to you about this doesn't deserve your love or affection.

    End of story.
     
  11. Alwayslearningsex

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    Great that you bring this up, this happened to me too before and we had a plan B, we just did what worked. Did it ever work too! and it was so rewarding and enticing not to have pressure for intercourse while pleasing my MISS in other ways. Although on such occasion even if I was not able to get alll hard she was determined to play with me and she got me to orgasm,
    and she was happy I had my fun . It was more fun giving her the fun though.
     
  12. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    Exactly ... to this day I'm so glad i couldn't get it up with that girl... The next girl was the total opposite and probably more used to it.. (Hey she was a nymph)... she was determined to get off either way... Then when the pressure was off I realized it was all mental... Just thinking too much about getting hard. So now I just think about having fun and making her feel good anyway I can..I dont thin aboutmy erection I think aboyt what im doing to her and before you know it im rock hard...
     
  13. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    Female perspective here.

    Regardless of how you feel emotionally for her, if you don't click sexually at all and you aren't enjoying your sexual encounters to the point that you're not able to get an erection or you LOSE your erection, then that's something you need to get yourself out of.

    Frankly, your girlfriend shouldn't be getting ANGRY at your "issue". She should be supporting you and asking you what it is she can do to help you. Someone who can't be adult enough to sit down and talk to you about this doesn't deserve your love or affection.

    End of story.

    Your husband is lucky... Truth is the more you talk about like "who cares its not just about intercourse". then the easier it is for men to relax and enjoy. The sad part is the men that have the issue are the men that really want their girl to enjoy themselves. They try so hard (excuse the pun) that they go soft. The guys who only care about them selves probably never have this issue. So you have to be a little selfish and think about what your doing and not concentrating on the main event. A good thing to do I think if you have this issue would be a night each week where you make love and the rule is no intercourse. I can almost guarantee if a guy was having an issue and he knew this was the rule for the night he would be rock hard for the occasion. The main reason is that the pressure is off. You can do what ever you like but no intercourse with your unit. You can use anything else toys fingers tongue fists (ouch) nose eye elbow... You know now that i mention this this would be cool even if you don't have an issue. I mean your always concentrating on the main event that this could be good also if your bored with the same old stuff. Maybe one night a week you do this. another night just using your mouth. Then you can have pound night where you try to start off slow but you have to end up fucking as hard as you can. Then slow night. What ever you do is very soft to the tough and slow but with great rhythm. You could have all toy night. Threesome night ... Hmmmm OK like my wife always says I'm getting off track. Anyway I started off and want to end the same way. You have a great attitude and its women like you that make men feel good about themselves, and thats one of the most important thing a women can do to help and make a man feel like a man. Im also a lucky husband :)
     
  14. kell260

    kell260 New Member

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    What are you thinking about when your on top of her? Are you turned on by her? Maybe she is related to you somehow by blood you just didn't know it. Just kidding Also if she isn't wet or turned on it's going to be dry and not much fun is that the issue?
     
  15. she

    she New Member

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    You two are simply not sexually compatible. It can make a great lasting friendship but I say get out.
     
  16. warrengizy

    warrengizy New Member

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    Hey guys! Thanks from all the replies and advices from experience! And sorry for not getting back to you sooner. Anyway I had been thinking of a way to break up with her on this grounds and one evening when she was around, I instigated an argument so any mushy stuff will new off that night.
    But the next morning, one thing lead to another and we ended up having the best sex yet! She said so too and she could completely feel me this time and that was a major turn on for her! Turned out to be an amazing day!
    I really don't want to give up this girl on such silly ground especially when I now know for sure it's a mental thing as when I was less concerned about her, the "pressure was off" and it was all good!

    Unfortunately, this stuff has now happened again! aaaaarrrggghhhh!!!!!!

    We have since spoken seriously about this and possibilities of breaking up because of it! We both didn't like the idea and decided to work through it! She wants to know what she can do to help but i'm not sure I know myself! I have told her I just need to start being a bit more selfish in bed and she can do the same but ofcourse this is easier said than done!
    On one recent occasion that this happened, she tried to get me an erection and succeded but literally 15 seconds after she let go of it, I lost it!!! WTF!!! It's hard not to get angry about this stuff and it always just kills the passion of the moment!

    I know i'm not completely dead as I've been out and got rock hard (as usual) when I dirty danced with some random girl!! (we were semi fighting at the time)

    I guess I could be real stone cold and break up with her but I can't just ignore the strong feelings I have for her and what's to say this doesn't happen to the next girl I have feelings for.

    And we're from different countries so there's a 0% chance we're related! Haha
     
  17. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Seek counseling.