WARNING: THIS IS A LENGTHY POST Ever since I was about 14 or 15 years old, I've had trouble getting and keeping an erection. Sometimes even with myself. It's completely killed my sex life. I don't even bother approaching women because I already know ahead of time what's going to happen, so I figure, "Why bother?" My libido is basically non-existent. While most girls I meet have had boyfriends that were able to bang them five and upwards times a night (and believe me, I wish I could), I can barely perform once, let alone that many. Naturally, no girl wants to stay with a guy that can't even keep it up, so needless to say I'm alone. I haven't ever been in a real long-term relationship. I guess I could ask for a prescription to something (I already have once, and it worked out great), but the shame of approaching the counter at the local Walgreens and handing them that slip of paper is almost unbearable. Not to mention that shit's expensive and isn't covered by insurance (it's $15 a pop over here)... I have terrible anxiety and recently quit smoking the ganga and drinking because they were only adding to the problem. I sometimes get panic attacks at the thought of talking to, approaching or visiting girls that I'm interested in. My heart rate goes through the roof and I want to just run away for obvious reasons. I think it's safe to assume that this probably has something to do with why I'm not able to perform...I remember feeling absolute terror the first time I had sex. I believe the official term is "Performance Anxiety"... I have an appointment to see my physician and I'm going to ask him for a referral to the psychologist. Maybe they'll be able to help me out, or maybe they'll just put me on some medication that'll just fuck with my head even more. Who knows? Maybe I'm just that much of a closet case. I don't know. My father's a very emotionally distant man and is also a huge homophobe, so maybe I'm just that suppressed? I enjoy having sex with women, but I've never tried anything with a man beyond kissing (I was around 15), and that was alright. Not great. Didn't like the facial hair too much. Guess that's why gay guys are all clean shaven. I don't "feel" gay, but then again what does it mean to "feel" gay? I'm not attracted towards masculinity, but then again maybe that just means that I'm one of those manly-gays. If anything I suppose I'm bisexual (a 25/75 thing), but I don't really get off on fantasies/thoughts/whatehaveyou of having sex with other dudes. Then again, I barely get off on anything period. Dead libidio if you recall. Yet, does sexuality play an exclusive role in one's sexuality, or is that simply an addition to feelings one already has? I barely recognize my own feelings half the time I have them, so I wouldn't even know if I was attracted to another man. My attraction towards women is lacking as of late...At this point, I just want friendship. In all honesty, I've contemplated on living in a monastery for the rest of my days in a peaceful life of meditation without the complications of society, sexuality and so many other pressures of every day life. I guess you could call that escapism. When I question whether I've felt "in love" or "infatuated" with another man, and the answer comes up "no, not really". Really though, I'm rambling at this point, so you'll have to excuse me. As you can see, I'm very fucking confused about a lot of things... Any advice is appreciated.