Very Distraught

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by JohnDoe1980, Jan 17, 2008.

  1. JohnDoe1980

    JohnDoe1980 New Member

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    WARNING: THIS IS A LENGTHY POST

    Ever since I was about 14 or 15 years old, I've had trouble getting and keeping an erection. Sometimes even with myself. It's completely killed my sex life. I don't even bother approaching women because I already know ahead of time what's going to happen, so I figure, "Why bother?" My libido is basically non-existent. While most girls I meet have had boyfriends that were able to bang them five and upwards times a night (and believe me, I wish I could), I can barely perform once, let alone that many. Naturally, no girl wants to stay with a guy that can't even keep it up, so needless to say I'm alone. I haven't ever been in a real long-term relationship.

    I guess I could ask for a prescription to something (I already have once, and it worked out great), but the shame of approaching the counter at the local Walgreens and handing them that slip of paper is almost unbearable. Not to mention that shit's expensive and isn't covered by insurance (it's $15 a pop over here)...

    I have terrible anxiety and recently quit smoking the ganga and drinking because they were only adding to the problem. I sometimes get panic attacks at the thought of talking to, approaching or visiting girls that I'm interested in. My heart rate goes through the roof and I want to just run away for obvious reasons. I think it's safe to assume that this probably has something to do with why I'm not able to perform...I remember feeling absolute terror the first time I had sex. I believe the official term is "Performance Anxiety"...

    I have an appointment to see my physician and I'm going to ask him for a referral to the psychologist. Maybe they'll be able to help me out, or maybe they'll just put me on some medication that'll just fuck with my head even more. Who knows?

    Maybe I'm just that much of a closet case. I don't know. My father's a very emotionally distant man and is also a huge homophobe, so maybe I'm just that suppressed? I enjoy having sex with women, but I've never tried anything with a man beyond kissing (I was around 15), and that was alright. Not great. Didn't like the facial hair too much. Guess that's why gay guys are all clean shaven. I don't "feel" gay, but then again what does it mean to "feel" gay? I'm not attracted towards masculinity, but then again maybe that just means that I'm one of those manly-gays. If anything I suppose I'm bisexual (a 25/75 thing), but I don't really get off on fantasies/thoughts/whatehaveyou of having sex with other dudes. Then again, I barely get off on anything period. Dead libidio if you recall.

    Yet, does sexuality play an exclusive role in one's sexuality, or is that simply an addition to feelings one already has? I barely recognize my own feelings half the time I have them, so I wouldn't even know if I was attracted to another man. My attraction towards women is lacking as of late...At this point, I just want friendship. In all honesty, I've contemplated on living in a monastery for the rest of my days in a peaceful life of meditation without the complications of society, sexuality and so many other pressures of every day life. I guess you could call that escapism. When I question whether I've felt "in love" or "infatuated" with another man, and the answer comes up "no, not really".

    Really though, I'm rambling at this point, so you'll have to excuse me. As you can see, I'm very fucking confused about a lot of things...

    Any advice is appreciated.
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Kudos for asking for a referral to a psychologist. Just from the short reference to your father's stoic nature, I would venture to say that you have learned to repress emotions. Emotions are a vital part of sex - and to basically 'keeping it up'.

    To the supressed emotions, the fear-factor comes along and adds to the problem. Then you begin to doubt your sexuality, which just causes the whole gamut of emotions to snowball. No wonder you are contemplating "escaping" to a monastery. IMO, That sort of decision should be based on your sincere desire to 'seek God', not your desire to escape life's problems. But know this: even if you did that, your thoughts would be locked up with you. You really need to get to the bottom of your confusion - regardless of what you do with your future life.

    Good luck to you, friend.
    Rose
     
  3. Bluesy

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    ITA with Rose.

    Anxiety can be a libido killer and have a tremendous impact on your performance. I think counseling (and possibly medication, if it's deemed necessary--but don't let them give you an SSRI!) is going to make a world of difference for you. Congrats on taking those first steps towards good sexual health, btw :) It wouldn't be a bad idea to get your testosterone levels checked, too (you'd have to speak with your PCP about that).
     
  4. Dreama

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    First, it's great you're getting a psychologist referral. Second, I feel that your ED might be largely a product of your own anxiety. You're psyching yourself out. And, there are plenty of women who love a man, even when he cannot perform perfectly. It's not all about sex, though sex is a need we all have. As long as you're willing to seek help, I don't see why a relationship is a problem. Good luck, hun! Update us, alright?
     
  5. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    May I add to Bluseys always good answers.

    Their is your problem right in that paragraph.
    If you are to bashful to give the druggist a prescription
    you are much to bashful to undress in front of a Woman.
    You need to work on that problem and grow up.

    Hiker
     
  6. Joe

    Joe
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    Definitely have your testosterone levels checked. Low testosterone will cause low libido, among other things. That's easily treatable. Explain your problem to your doc and he might want to do some other tests as well. Talking to a psychologist is also a good idea. Sex drives start in our brain. Psychological problems aren't as easy to diagnose and fix as physiological problems, but they're no less common.

    My guess is that between the psychologist and the MD your problems will be minimized if not eliminated, but in the worst case scenario -- if you still don't have a sex drive -- there are women who feel the same way. Lots of them! I was married to one for 27 years. In our case it wasn't good, since I'm a horn dog. Had I been more like you are now, I'd probably have been perfectly satisfied with her, as she was with me. It's not how much sex a couple has; it's how well you match each other. You don't need to live in a monastery unless that's what you want.

    Good luck! I hope you'll keep us posted.
     
  7. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    It may not seem like it but age is on your side mate.
    Your 20 years old.
    Im 23 in April, im not much older then you but so much can change in three years.
    Basically make the change, try not to worry so much and get help, have your testosterone levels sorted out and dont be afraid to pick up Viagra. Person at the till had no idea if its for you or not.
    Your still young, you can sort this out and be on your way to having a lovely life with females.
    All the best to you my friend.
     
  8. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    First you do not need a psychologist. The only thing they will do is add to your problems by bilking you for everything that you are worth. You better read your insurance as not all insurance companies cover psychological treatment and if they do there are usually very strict limits on coverage. A psychologist can smell insurance coverage and money a long distance away. If they know you are covered they will max out your coverage and have you pay $1000s. If you are complaining about pay $15 / pill imagine paying a $10,000+ psychologist bill that is not covered by insurance.

    Your issue may be physical such as restricted blood flow and if it is psychological then decide you are going to get off the pity pot. Once you decide that you are going to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living again life's problems will get easier.
     
  9. Lefty'sLefty

    Lefty'sLefty New Member

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    I gotta agree with Yorkie

    shrinks are a waste of time and money. Shrinks are really only a person paid to listen to your problems. An MD has value but a shrinks purpose is simply to shrink your wallet. You already have one place to talk about your problems (you already started and its free here). Also, a sexual relationship is probably most successful if it's mated with a friendship (wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc.) Work on friendship first. When you get that figured out, assuming you truely found a friend, they'll help you work through the sexual part.