very confused

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by fball4ever87, Oct 15, 2011.

  1. fball4ever87

    fball4ever87 New Member

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    hey all

    so i have a problem, i have been dating this lady since march, we are very into each other, have talked over getting engaged, looked at rings, and she will be getting one around christmas. we are very happy together. we took things decently slow, she has only had one other sex partner, i have had a couple more than her, but not by much. at first we were not going to have sex, but everything else was fair game, then she told me that she wanted it really bad so we have been having sex since about may/june, we have great sex together she says it all the time and has told a couple friends as well. a few times throughout the time we have been having sex, we have talked about being done and waiting for marriage for the rest, which i honestly have no problem with, we are very sexually compatible in addition to everything else that we have in common. now we said that we were going to stop for awhile a week or so ago, i came over to her house after i bought some new clothes, got my haircut and wanted to take her out so i looked good. i get to her apartment, she gets off the couch and quite literally drags me to her room, i take off her clothes, a little bit after we start kissing, she tells me i can fuck her as long as i want because i earned it. well, we do our thing for awhile, then end up staying in and i made her dinner.

    a few hours later we get into a fight, she said that i should know that she didnt at all want it, and that she was very upset with me. at no time did she at all say that she did not want to do that at all, i brought it up, she said i had a great point. to be completely honest, this really killed me, i was very upset with myself and completely shut down for awhile. so then she said that it was fine and that she just didnt want to have sex anymore until we got married. long story short i said that was fine, i almost left that night because i absolutely hated myself when she said she did not want it. now the next night we were laying in bed going to sleep and she starts grabbing my hand and putting it on her, i was very very hesitant about this, but we ended up just fooling around. last night we were in bed and the same thing happened, but then she said that she wanted more, i pretty much stopped everything and then talked to her for a couple minutes recapping what had just happened two nights before, she said she was sure, so we did, and she has been fine with everything since. what the crap am i supposed to be thinking here? has anything like this happened to anybody else? HALP!!
     
  2. teacher88123

    teacher88123 New Member

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    hhm I'm a girl... but maybe she wanted to check out if you would say no to sex (like you both said it first).. and when you said "yes" the one night,she was upset because she thought you would refuse it.. but you didn't.. so now that you guys talked about and she loves you she decided not to wait till you guys are married... I knwo it sounds weird,but sometimes women don't know what they do or think :) hehe
    what did she say,after you talked to her?
     
  3. bmapes

    bmapes Member

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    Try talking to her when the mood isn't sexual, there's a lot of reasons for this, like she might be doing it for you when she doesn't want to in fear that you're agreeing to wait just for her, reassure her that you want to wait. She could be sexually frustrated while waiting, it could be a test to see if you're committed to waiting... it could really be anything. Like I said before talk to her in a non sexual atmosphere and tell her how it confuses you and you want to wait etc.
     
  4. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    Word of advise.. have a long engagement.. but having said that, that means no sex for you for a LONNNNNNG time.

    It is too soon to say that you are sexuallt compatible... trust me, everyone thinks they are in the early days because you are having loads of it.

    She tells you one thing, then does the complete opposite. Does not sound like sexual compatibility to me.

    You need to have a talk with one another, after all, communication is KEY in any relationship, especially a succesful marriage.

    Sex is very important in a relationship. I have a feeling that when you get married, she will not want sex anymore because the thrill of the chase has gone. What happens if she deprives you of sex and uses it as a weapon against you?

    Is she TRYING to abstain because of religious reasons?

    Surely, in these first few months of dating, everyone is humping like rabbits!! I could not marry someone who I am not sleeping with and getting to know intimately.
     
  5. fball4ever87

    fball4ever87 New Member

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    we have talked about it in a non sexual mood, and she has said that sometimes she wants it, but does not want it to be something that we do all of the time until we are married, i guess i was really most confused because she dragged me into her room the night that we got in the fight about it. i love her very much and have complete respect for her and her wishes, there isnt much of anything that i would not do for her. i honestly am fine with it either way, more than anything, i just want to make her happy and take care of her the best i can.

    also, when we have talked about it she says that she wants to because she is more satisfied when we do, than she has ever been in the past.
     
  6. fball4ever87

    fball4ever87 New Member

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    as far as the compatible part, i was just referring to everything that either of us has ever wanted, we do, and whatever we do, we both love. as for the engagement part, we are talking about a long engagement, 1.5-2 years.
     
  7. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    I think it may be her upbringing, she may have been told that sex is kind of sinful, especially when not it wedlock.

    Maybe it is a taboo subject for her, she has urges ( as any normal red blooded person would) but I bet straight after the act she feels guilty.

    Just my opinion.
     
  8. arugula

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    Dude, she is crazy. You should seriously re-evaluate this relationship.
     
  9. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    What would happen if you guys fight after sex next time, she says she didn't want sex and you should have known that, and then calls the police?

    Can you trust this not to happen?

    Please have a long hard think about this relationship.
     
  10. CosmicEye

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    LEAVE IT!

    1st I gotta say that marriage after being together less than a year is always a red flag. No matter how much you think you know a person, you really dont know that person truely after only 7 months in your case. Marriage one of the biggest steps in life, you just decide to do that one day. 2nd, its stupid IMO not to have sex ever before marriage. wtf is the point? Sex is important in a relationship, especially marriage. It also changes the way you look at each other after a little while. Is she afraid to feel like a whore if she sleeps with one guy? 3rd, this chick doesnt know what she wants. She wants you as a man and wants sex, but get mad when you give it to her. If she pulls your hand to a wet vagina, what the fuck are you supposed to do, just lay there and act like your asleep?! Im sorry but I see sooo many problems coming up in the future.

    And I assume if you were to ever try and break it off, she'd think that you were only here bf to get her vagina, as that is not ever the case.