Using a surrogate father?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by ramtuf49, Jan 5, 2004.

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  1. ramtuf49

    ramtuf49 New Member

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    My wife and I hve been trying to have a child for 2 years. I was recently tested and found to be impotent. My wife wants a baby more than anything in the world and I hate that I cannot give her one. Our problem is that most medical ways for her to get pregnant are VERY expensive. We have discussed the possibility of searching out a "surrogate father" or "sperm donor" to impregnate her naturally. Has anyone here ever heard of this being done? Is it to weird to even consider?

    thanks,
    Mark
     
  2. farspark

    farspark New Member

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    I know a few lesbian couples who found themselves men willing to provide sperm for them to have children. Basically, my friends casually asked around, met someone they knew and trusted (in all instances men who already had their own families), talked about it a lot, the guy provided the sperm in a cup, and they use the equivalent of a turkey-baster to do the rest. Of course this approach is not recommended by fertility clinics for health and safety reasons (you are trusting the other guy is not carrying any sexually transmitted disease, or genetic disorders that a fertility clinic would screen for). By the way, the men in question are still known and involved with the children's lives but more as the 'extended' family, rather than the nuclear family.

    Would the 'old fashioned' way carry additional emotional baggage? Not necessary a barrier, just would require more relationship work for all involved.
     
  3. dameon

    dameon New Member

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    A story/tip

    Well, I am in a similar situation, which is a little bit odd. I am close friends with a lesbian couple, who has been wanting a child but havent found anyone that they'd want to father their child. Well, last night, in a very umm..."intense" scenario, i did the deed:) Both were present and it was a very intense, scary, and wonderful experience. Having a surrogate father raises alot of concerns. Like how the "donor" feels about doing something of that level. Anything could go wrong, like them breaking up and going after child support or anything else. It's an incredibly scary thing. I'd like to talk about this more...
     
  4. Antinomy

    Antinomy New Member

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    It's not weird at all. Sperm banks exist for just that purpose. If you feel the urge to do some selective breeding, there is even a sperm bank whose donors are Nobel prize winners.

    Some infertile men, in order to get a child who shares some of their genes, ask a close blood relative to be the donor. I can see where that could be a bit freaky, but it is something to consider.

    [edited to fix the URL]
     
  5. farspark

    farspark New Member

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    I was just thinking about this again, and decided that on the "weird" stakes being a surrogate mother is probably a weirder experience than being a surrogate father - I mean, actually carrying a child for 9 months and going through labour as opposed to one quick ejaculation in the general direction of a uterus/test tube...

    On a slightly different note: When I was an undergraduate student a number of years ago, I found I could earn $50 making a single donation at a local sperm clinic... At the time $50 was a reasonable amount of money! But I decided against it, thinking that I wasn't personally ready to have a little version of me running around somewhere that I had never met. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I thought that giving students money to produce sperm was a fairly glib approach to bringing babies into the world - regardless of the issues facing infertile couples.

    However, I do feel immensely sad for couples who have infertility problems, and do think that sperm donation is important means of addressing this. At present I would only be prepared to donate sperm or be a surrogate father only after I had finished making my own family (and my partner would have to agree as well of course) - but this is just a personal choice thing... All power to those who make different choices/decisions!
     
  6. dameon

    dameon New Member

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    Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

    dood. how do you think i felt having sex with a girl i know i wasnt marrying? even though her girlfriend was right there next to us, it's a bit of an emotional mindfuck knowing you're not going to be caring for the kid. how do you think the rest of sperm-donors worldwide feel?
     
  7. farspark

    farspark New Member

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    Agree! It's a :eek experience. I was talking to a mate about this recently, and she mentioned at if you are a sperm-donor at some clinic now, you can ring up to find out how many children you've father to how many women!! (The idea being that you can continue to have some say in when enough is enough). My mate's friend made a sperm donation and found out recently that he is now the biological father of seven children to five different women!!!

    Also... I have heard that through genetic testing it is now possible for children concieved thru sperm-donor clinics find out who their biological fathers are!

    At the end of the day, I think if I was going to make myself available as a donor, I would probably only do it if it was somebody I knew and liked... Whether I was there when conception happened or not - a different decision!

    Did you ever discuss the turkey baster approach (give the women some sperm in a jar) with your friends? If so, how did you come to make the decision that you all preferred the old fashioned approach? In retrospect, have you been please with your decision?
     
  8. dameon

    dameon New Member

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    well, we decided upon the old fashioned method out of pure attraction. i've been spending alot of time with them lately, and frankly they've gone baby crazy. they dont want me signing any papers, they just want me to come over once in a while and say hi. this is quite interesting. every day that i wake up now, i find myself thinking "phew. my life is good" perhaps thats just due to the overdose of sex i've been getting:)
     
  9. dameon

    dameon New Member

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    insemination successful. all i can think now is OH SHIT.
     
  10. justwonderingf

    justwonderingf New Member

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    sperm shelf life?

    On the subject of sperm donation, theres a lot of info on how long sperm will last inside a womans body (2hrs-3days apparently) for fertilisation to take place. What i havent been able to find out is: how long will a sperm sample last in a jar, away from the body? A friend has been trying to organise her artificial insemination, using fresh transfer, but wants to know if she needs to be there when he fills the cup. Can a cup be filled and then driven across town to the waiting recipient? or will it be dead by then? She has a willing donor, but they both want it to be double blind with a friend as the go-between.
    Ultimately> "how fast does the go-between have to be?"
    Anyone with any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated.
    thanx xoxoxo
     
  11. dameon

    dameon New Member

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    sperm length

    sperm, even from sex or foreplay, can live up to three days on a womans body (or guys, whatever your preference). as long as it is kept at room temperature, you'll be fine. i'd suggest the old fashioned method tho:) it's more fun that way:D

    -Dameon
     
  12. justwonderingf

    justwonderingf New Member

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    Thanx Dameon, but its not going from body to body. I didnt think it could last in a jar more than an hour or so, do you really think 24hrs is ok?
     
  13. dameon

    dameon New Member

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    yeah, but i'd suggest using something that will keep it at room temperature. but for sake of preventing any degridation of the sperm, which could lead to possible birth defects, and/or insemination failure, i suggest you have the "donor" come over to your house, go in the bathroom, whack off into a tube and do the turkey baster approach. make sure your significant other is there. it's a very emotional thing. as for increasing the chances, i'd suggest you and your mate make love prior to him coming over. you'll be more receptive that way.
     
  14. dameon

    dameon New Member

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    Oh good jesus christ. She's pregnant. They're BOTH pregnant! SUCCESS! now, i dont know WHAT the hell to think. im not responsible, im just the donor, but damn. Still, i've intentionally created two lives that i wont be taken care of...

    Wow........
     
  15. Antinomy

    Antinomy New Member

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    Well, you must have thought they were responsible adults, or you would never have helped them out. Just pray that they never go after you for child support. Donors at clinics are protected from that risk, but I don't think people using your informal method are likewise.

    On a happier note, two women considered you special enough to be the father of their children. Congratulations. Also, in an evolutionary sense, you've hit a grand slam by fathering children you do not have to rear.
     
  16. dameon

    dameon New Member

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    believe me, i feel like a god right now:) and hopefully, they wont do exactly that. i'm sure they wont tho. they're more stable minded than that.
     
  17. farspark

    farspark New Member

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    Congrats from me. A job well done, I think! :D
     
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