up yours Dr. Phill!!!!!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by lovn_my_bbw, Dec 7, 2010.

  1. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    tonight's episode of dr. phil got my wifeys panties in a bunch,
    it was about a couple who have been together for three years and the guy doesnt want to get married yet and the girl says shes going to leave him, and dr. phill was on the bitches side.wtf??....
    it got my girlfriend so excited because we've been together close to 4 years now and i havent asked her to marry yet.and now dr. phill is on her side so she says, that jerk...dont get me wrong i love my wifey, but i feel like its just not time yet, i mean we dont live together, i work my ass off and she cant get a job, we wont be able to afford to live together again, and i def dont wanna be married and living with my parents, what a great sex life we will have.
    i just feel like the universe isnt ready for mrs. villafana yet. i do hope to marry her some day but now is just not the time. i have tossed the idea of proposing to her in October of 2011 and waiting like 2 years or so....but i still feel that were to young at 21 and i dont want it to be like one of those marriages at a young age to be separated within two years.......ugghhh screw you mr. phill...
    what age did some of you get married and has it last.....
     
    #1 lovn_my_bbw, Dec 7, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2010
  2. Texas_Red

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    Yeah, Dr. Phil is meh.
     
  3. loveit247

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    How old was the couple on Dr Phil? Because if she is pressuring you to get married at 21 you should really tell her to can it.
     
  4. TomTung

    TomTung New Member

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    marriage at a young age works for some and not for others...I got married a month after my 22nd b-day, still happily married.
    The scray part is that the year I got married, we knew of 8 other couples who also got married, all at different ages, and not ONE of those couples are still married.
    Take your time, she will be ready for marriage before you, that is almost a given. Just DON'T do it if you feel pressured, chances are good it will not last.

    Dr Phil is a wanker...never liked him
     
  5. Barbwire

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    I dated my husband for two years before we married. In March, we will be celebrating our 13th year wedding anniversary. When we married, I was 32 and my husband was 37.

    I am VERY glad I married at that age instead of doing it when I was in my 20's. To me, people in their 20's just aren't mature enough to handle the responsibilities, sacrifice, and commitment of marriage.

    I know I'm going to get beat up for what I just said and I've offended some folks but, that's how I feel after repeatedly seeing marriages between "kids" go up in flames.
     
  6. Mittimer

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    It doesn't so much offend me that it does surprise me that you have that mentality. Seeing as you've shown excitement towards this "kid" getting married.

    In all honesty, my fiancee and I are both in our 20's. We're getting married in 24 days. I could honestly care less who does or doesn't support us. All this talk of how marriages between "kids" of my age repeatedly go up in flames is just bull.

    Yeah, there are young people who get married and fail, but there are just as many young people who get married and stay married. With the way you're speaking CL, both Ians parents and my own shouldn't have lasted as they were BOTH younger when they got married then us. Hell, none of my 3 siblings marriages should last. But they have and are going 9, 10 and 13years strong.


    I guess what I'm saying is, don't group us all in the same boat. Some of us "kids" are a hell of a lot more mature then some of you adults. Furthermore, knowing that you consider me a "kid" is very disappointing.
     
    #6 Mittimer, Dec 7, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
  7. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    Of the individuals that are divorced every year in this country (~50% of marriages currently) 80% of women who get divorced are age 29 or younger and 72.8% of men are 29 or younger. So to say that a young marriage will probably end in divorce is just applying the law of statistical probability. It "Probably" will end in divorce. Divorce Rate : Divorce Rate In America

    Now that assessment is completely mathematical and makes no effort to include reasoning and individual assessment of the relationship in question, but there it is. I personally think that many young couples GET married in order to make a statement by "braving all the odds" and surviving as a couple "Despite everyone else's oppinions". It's romantic. But it's stupid. You get married when you're ready to get married, and not a minute sooner. I knew several girls who pushed their men to propose and get married after high school and now every single one of them is either married incredibly unhappily, divorced in under a year, boyfriendless, or has a fiance who's about to end the relationship.

    Marriage is a partnership that NO ONE should be coerced into before they are ready. That is why the divorce rate is so high. People jump under pressure. Don't. If you still offer marriage as an ACCEPTABLE option in an ACCEPTABLE timeframe, and she just wants you to propose to her or else she's leaving; then she wants "a husband" more than she wants for it to be you.

    And for what it's worth Mittimer, from talking to you, I had assumed you were much older ;).
     
  8. Mittimer

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    Thanks SWGirl,
    It's really not about that though. I know that I'm ready so screw anyone else. Just more so really really taken back by what CL said.
     
  9. loveit247

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    I know that I am no where near the same person I was 3 years ago. My whole value set has changed. What I want has changed, hell, who I am has changed. If I got married at 25 I would be divorced now.

    I am 29 and my SO is 38, we both know that we will end up marrying each other, we are just not quite ready yet.
     
  10. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    I disagree with the generalization that she made. But I am willing to concede that the majority of young 20-somethings aren't in the right state of mind (social/financial responsibility, selflessness, sacrifice, commitment, etc...) to handle the rather large hurdles that the first year of marriage is infamous for throwing at you. I've always stood by saying, "You have to be a whole person yourself before you can even think about being half of a pair."

    And along with that, there are several people our age who are more than ready to get married; who may have been ready when they were 19. I just don't usually say that because I trust that that demographic of people already KNOW they are ready; and for the majority of our age group to hear that there is a percentage that is "the exception" is dangerous because all of them will naturally assume that that includes them. We are, after all, taught in kindergarten that everyone is exceptional: which, of course, means no one is.

    I think the generalization is a bit offensive. Steve and I have already hurdled nearly all of the "first year" crap that ends the majority of marriages. And I know that if we got married we'd be great. It's just that neither of us is ready for that right now. But someday soon, who knows...
     
  11. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    Plenty of marriages between older people fail also. My wife and I started dating at 23 and were engaged at 24. Married at 25. Marroed 20 years now and going strong. We waited a few years to have kids mostly to get ourselves on our feet. When we marroied I was still ion school and my wife taught in aprivate school earning less than 20 k. Those days of struggle and growing together arevery special to us. At 45 I still have enough energy to climb mountains ski all day on black dioamonds white water raft and kayak on the ocean with my teenage sons so I'm glad they were born when I was 30 rather than later because I already feel that stuff is getting harder. I am all for getting married as soon as you know that you are with the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. IMHO if you are not sure about that after 4 years whether you are 19 or 39 she probably is not the one. What else is there to learn? Marriage is about being together for richer or poorer in good times and bad. Why wait for the perfect time?
     
  12. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I know a couple married from the age of 13, ( or they met at thirteen and married very young, 16 or 18) and they are still together.
    I think if the people are really willing to make it work, it will. Compatibilities are also a must.
    That said, some people are not meant for marriage and get pressured into it, i agree. It's kinda sad.
     
  13. HardRocker

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    I was 28 and she was 27 when we got married in 1984. It was my first. She was divorced from a 6 year marriage dating back to when she was about 20 or so. Luckily they had no babies.
     
  14. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    Dr. Phil is annoying...

    My advice is to definitely wait as long as possible before getting married.
    I married young at 20,and both my husband and I now in our thirties wish we would have waited.
    Your twenties are still so so young...and marriage is such a HUGE responsibility.In fact,I think way too much pressure is put on people to marry in the first place.When more then half of all marriages end in divorce,you gotta have some doubts :ugh
     
  15. Texas_Red

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    I was going to abstain from this convo, but my opinionated side has won out.

    As it's being pointed out here, you cannot make blanket statements about peoples age and such. Everyone is different, and what does or does not work for one person, may or may not for another. The statistics may say the majority of young marriages fail but it doesn't say all of them fail. Why? Because not all young people are not ready.

    The reason marriages fail applies to all ages really. To put out a blanket statement and talk to people as "kids" is not going to get through because you're now talking down to them. They may be younger, but as of age 18 they are adults, and fully so at 21 (at least for the US).

    In any case, I see the main issue here being the blanket statement. I totally understand the making judgment calls based on experience. But experience should also teach that not everything applies.
     
  16. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    Well my statement had less to do with age, and more to do with the fact that marriage in general just doesn't work for many people.

    I think telling people to wait is not bad advice...especially if said person already feels scared of the idea.
     
  17. luvbug

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    My SO and I got together when I was 19..he was 32.....had my daughter when I was 26.....we have been married almost 11 yrs..together a total of almost 24 yrs. *Feb is our anniversary*

    Im glad we waited until my mid 20's to have a baby and another 5 years to get married. We have been through a lot of shit...but still together. My marriage isnt the best...far from it...but it takes work.

    I think a person knows when they are ready to get married...no matter your age.

    And...I have never cared for Mr/Dr. Phil
     
  18. backcheck64

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    After dating 5 yrs (I wanted to finish college, year engaged) we got married, I was 25, she was 23 1/2....almost 24 yrs ago. We waited 9 yrs to have kids. We spent that first 9 yrs traveling, skiing, motorcycling, enjoying ourselves. Now with two kids, we spend our time traveling to hockey tournaments and games, lacrosse games, orchestra concerts, etc. We've never come close to divorce.

    It's not age thats a problem. It's people today. They envision this Utopia that doesnt exist. They think they'll live happily ever after when in reality there will be plenty of challenges and bumps in the road. Most often, people put of fronts while dating, then thier true personality comes out after the "I do" and you find the person you married isn't the person you dated. THis is a throw away society, the minute something goes wrong, toss it and get a new one...this now goes for marriages. THAT is why the divorce rate is where it's at. It's not like a car, get tired of it, get a new one. You have to be sure this is "THE ONE" before you get married, then make the commitment. Dr Phil is a douchbag yes, but if the dating isn't leading anywhere or if you're into your 30s and plan on kids, it's time to shit or get off the pot. Life actually is pretty short. If you plan on raising kids, you don't want to wait till your 40. I was almost 34 when we had our first and I don't think I could keep up if we waited till 44. At 46 we go non stop, I know a couple of people that waited, they are now in thier mid 50s with kids the same age as mine, and they are slugs. They don't allow thier kids to do much because THEY can't keep up. One thinks my wife and I are nuts, I'm at the rink with practice till 10:30pm every Mon and Wed with hockey practice, orchestra Tue night, and most weekends on the road with games, between the two, my wife and I have been 800 miles apart in different states with games...get home Sun night sometimes as late as midnight, then off to work Mon. and at the rink late again.

    It's not a matter of age, it's a matter of finding the right person, not the hot one with the intellegence of a rock, not the one that's a great fuck but the morals of an alley cat. It's a matter of waiting to find the "right" person, not settling, that will make a marriage last. It's a matter of both being honest about themselves before the marriage and neither being blind to the others shortcommings (moral compass, controlling personality, slobenly habits, etc) SO often I hear, I guess I should have picked up on this or that before we got married. 9 times out of 10, warning signs are there long before the walk down the ilse. OPEN YOUR EYES. Time IS precious, you don't want to waste it, but don't make mistakes rushing into something.

    IF you don't want to get married, fine, as long as neither party has any expectation of it. Marriage is far more than a piece of paper. It's a commitment you make, it's your word. If you can't give your word and stand by it, DON'T.
     
  19. Texas_Red

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    DarkJewel: My comment wasn't aimed at you in particular, but everyone who is making generalized comments in a universal sense, as if it applies evenly.

    It doesn't. It may be true more often than not, but to speak as if it applied to everyone is folly.
     
  20. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    well said!!!!!