Unwanted Pregnancy..need advice

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by chavbob69, Aug 21, 2011.

  1. chavbob69

    chavbob69 New Member

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    Found out today one of my ex lovers is pregnant. We don't see each other that often, maybe 2-3 times a month. I know she hasn't been seeing other guys the last few months as I know she's madly in love with me and been looking for a relationship that I declined after which she suggested we be just ****buddies. I fell for that trap unfortunately and we ended up banging each others brains out the last 8 months. Right from the start we didn't use any protection as shetold me she was on the injection...I am also aware that she moved on to the pill about two months ago and I guess thats where she ****ed up!

    Anycase...the sex was good but I don't see myself raising a little nipper with this bird.

    I am considering trying to convince her to have an abortion but I don't she think will agree to this. I know she is strongly against abortion and will rather try and raise the baby alone. I can't afford to support the baby financialy at the moment and neither can she.

    Have anyone else been in this type of situation before and what did you do or what would you suggest..?
     
  2. CosmicEye

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    Hmm it sounds fishy. You mean the injection DEPO shot, or however you spell it? Was it at the same time as the pill?

    This is one of my worst fears. I dont know what to tell you but to convince her to get an abortion. Or just tell her that you're not taking care of it and say peace out. You could always run to Canada.
     
  3. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    I'm a little older, and having had a hand in raising a couple of kids whose father wasn't really involved in their lives, I'll admit that I'm biased. That said, you can't force an abortion, even if it is your child. You also can't legally get out of financial responsibilities, and the arm of the law is pretty long in this respect, unless you remove yourself from the country, work for cash the rest of your life, or take some other drastic measure. You might look into adoption, although I understand this can be a quite difficult thing for the mother to go through with, as well.

    Whatever happens, please don't think that you, the mother, or the child will be better off if you two get married, especially if only for "the sake of the child." IMhumbleO, the child will end up the victim. Marriage (or other committed relationships) can be difficult even under the best circumstances. I sincerely wish you both the best of luck.

    Here's my "speech." It takes two to make a child, and whether you like it or not, you are responsible for that child's well being, and you may well be held accountable. Ya coulda kept it in your pants, or used a condom, or any number of things. If ya wanna play, ya gotta pay.

    T
     
  4. RideNaked2

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    I'm sorry, you asked, I have to say! If you play and don't wear that little rain coat, it is just as much YOUR fault as hers. No birth control whatever it might be is 100%! It takes two to tangle and it takes two to prevent an unwanted pregnancy! I think it very unfair of you to ask her to get an abortion. If you discuss it as an option that might be a different thing all together.

    If this is a person that you have not been "exclusive" with then you might also want to ask that a DNA test be done, just so that you know that the baby is yours. Of course this can't be done until after it's born, at least that I know of.

    Good luck.

    R
     
  5. Mittimer

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    My suggestion?

    Never trust someone and always use protection. If you're mature enough to have sex and risk a pregnancy by not wearing protection, then you're damn well sure enough to raise a child.


    In the end, it's her choice what she wants to do as it's her body. If you choose not to be in this childs life and you're 100% sure it's yours, then you have bigger issues then just an unwanted pregnancy.


    Learn from your mistakes and take responsibility for them.
     
  6. Maverick

    Maverick Member

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    In some states, you can sign away your rights, which means it becomes a fatherless child. The mother can't come after you for support then. It's that way here.
     
  7. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Let me offer a more precise wording of your thread subject: Unplanned pregnancy.

    Every time you unholstered a loaded weapon then proceded to fire, you went past the point where it was a matter of whether or not a pregnancy was wanted.

    It doesn't seem that there's any difficulty thinking about yourself here, so let me suggest another angle to think about this. What about the child whose life is going to start? Is his or her life going to be better with or without you?

    Another point of curiousity for me... This is your first post, but you joined the site in June? Was something on your mind 2 months ago?
     
  8. CaliMike

    CaliMike Member

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    Does your ex want a child? If not, adoption might be an option. I'm sure there are many people out there that would love to adopt a child.
     
  9. luvbug

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    You should have worn a condom.

    If you dont want the baby..dont want any part of being a daddy.....sign your rights away.....the baby doesnt need or deserve a "dad" who doesnt want to be one. The baby deserves better.
     
  10. Flame

    Flame New Member

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    Exactly! I know you didn't plan this pregnancy but you took part in making it happen. The child had no say in the matter whatsoever. The mother, father and child are all people with equal rights so please make your decisions based on what is best for all three of you.
     
  11. backcheck64

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    Time to pay dude. You knew the chances, you threw the dice, you crapped out. You get no sympathy here, make it right.
     
  12. Mittimer

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    What kills me is that you're 25. Unless of course you're lying about your age. At 25, you are no longer an irresponsible teenager with the excuse that you're too young to take responsibility for this. You're an adult.

    It's time to stop acting like a child, wanting to party and live up your college days if that's what you're doing. This was the smack in the face you needed to learn to be a man.
     
  13. ply

    ply
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    Man up.

    Get a DNA test ASAP. I had a friend that was a Dad to his son for 12 years and then found out the boy wasn't his. It turned into a sad situation. Very little if any of which was the Dad's fault.

    I would say to take a close look at the possibility of marriage. People in gneral give up on relationships way to easy. Everybody wants everything easy. Marriage isn't always easy. Life isn't always easy.
    More arranged marriages work out than pick your own partner marriages.
    I'm not saying it's possible if she's a psycho bitch from hell but even those marriages I've seen work, though for the life of me I don't know why.

    Of the women that I have talked to over the years that had abortions there is only one that did not harbor deep regrets over the deed. And I last talked to her over 20 years ago. Her attitude may have changed by now.

    You may want to examine how your feelings towards abortion may change in the furture. This may be your only child for some reasson. In the future if you decide you want kids, you may have to reflect on the fact that you killed your only opportunity.
    Of course real people know that being a biological father has nothing to do with being a father or Dad.

    Grow up and take some responsibility. Go find a farm with livestock and learn how to work. Or get a job doing construction. Sounds like learning how to work wouldn't be a bad idea for you. I worked with a lot of people with college degrees doing construction over the years.
     
  14. 6stringking

    6stringking Member

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    What everyone said is right. It sucks man. You might have to live with her to afford expenses and raise this child. it sucks, but then again so does life. Never trust a girl ESPECIALLY with the fact that she wanted to be in a relationship with you. Oh and by the way, dont be a douche and sign your rights away, cause one day you will want to see the child i will bet, and then you really have no say in it whatsoever.
     
  15. cbrmale

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    We're going a bit over the top here, aren't we? When I was younger, his age and prior, we hardly ever used condoms, even for casual sex and one night stands. Ask anyone my age or older for what it was like then. Women took the pill, we checked to make sure, and if she did it was all good. The few times I did use condoms I didn't like them, primarily because they didn't then, and still don't now, make them large enough.

    But that wasn't the reason I didn't use condms, we just didn't use them because (a) we weren't going to die from sex (no HIV then) and (b) it felt better for both of us, and (c) it was easier and more natural at the moment. There will be other people on this forum who sexually developed in the same era with the same story to tell.

    That's the way it was, that's the way it is now in Australia as very few use condoms, even for casual sex, because HIV never really impacted heterosexual sex here. Unplanned pregnancy is always a risk, but we did it then and many do it now.
     
    #15 cbrmale, Aug 24, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2011
  16. Essene

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    Once, while my ex was living with me due to circumstances beyond her control (and because I'm some what of a sap), she found a bf. They engaged in sex. He lived with his grandmother who was old school (ergo, one be married to live together). She had, apparently, never gotten over me. She presented herself, nude, in my room one day. She wanted to give herself to me. I didn't want to as she was dating and, honestly, that portion of our lives was over. She pleaded... I told her that I didn't have a condom. She told me that she was on her period. I'm not an idiot- but I did it any ways. To my knowledge she never conceived. She moved to NYC three months after that and gained a considerable amount of weight. I do not know if I have a child or not. The times that I have asked her, she has said "no". Also- I am QUITE sure that her mother would make sure I know.
     
  17. backcheck64

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    And this is the cheap phase, just wait, my kids on average cost me $7K to $10K a year in sports alone, with equipment, fees and travel...and that's for just two kids. That's not counting golf, which they do with me....until this spring when Freshman golf kicks in for my son.
     
  18. Swunk

    Swunk Member

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    Hormonal birth control usually requires a few weeks to become effective.

    You're now a dad. Get used to the idea, get a better job, and help your kid and it's mom as much as possible. Your life just changed. You can be a good person and accept that, or you can be an evil person and lay your burden on her shoulders. Two choices, good, or evil.