Uncomfortable Fantasy

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by 10_3XL, Apr 23, 2014.

  1. 10_3XL

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    I seem to post a lot of questions on here! I blame it on youthful naivety and ignorance...

    Anyway, my inquiry this time is for both the men and women out there and a little bit more on the serious side...

    As I have become more and more adjusted to being sexually active and have been exploring sex/sexuality over the past year (remember, I only just started "adult relations" about a year ago) I have been finding myself having more and more fantasies that makes me personally feel uncomfortable...

    I call it my domination fantasies - wherein I am forcefully, totally, and none-too-politely with a partner; completely "running the show." The person I am with is always willing - I cannot stress that enough! However, these little mental movies that I've had off and on for years are now occurring less and less with (imaginary) female partners. In fact, probably a good 70+ percent of them seem to involve me having another man - usually an effeminate "little pretty boy" type, but not always - kiss, stroke, suck, and "take it" from me while I kiss/jerk him (but never suck or "take it" from him).

    It is NOT the same-sex factor that bothers me or makes me "feel weird" and uncomfortable. What is distressing to me about these fantasies is the fact that they are so domination/control/power oriented and violent - pushing that fine line of becoming a rape fantasy. The relationship in the fantasy is so one-sided and selfish and without respect - I am using my imaginary partner like some sort of living sex toy. In reality I would NEVER act like I do in these fantasies unless my partner and I had discussed it and knew limits/guidelines/etc before starting!

    This makes me feel unclean and like I'm some sort of predator-to-be or something and it has me very concerned. :eek:

    Is this a phase that some/all go through? Is it unique to me? Possibly just a random testosterone-induced temporary fetish? o_O
     
  2. lbushwalker

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    If those are fantasies nothing more then so what?
    We read and enjoy watching horror stuff in books and movies so how does this differ?
    On the other hand if you have ideas of bringing those fantasies to reality then you need to moderate them somewhat.
    One thing I have noticed XL, is that you tend to over-analyse things although sometimes that is not such a bad thing but don't let stuff overwhelm you.
     
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  3. 10_3XL

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    Thanks, lbushwalker, for helping to set my mind at ease! I do not plan on bringing these to reality (unless the conditions I mentioned in the post were met), so probably no need to really moderate...

    And yes, I do over-analyze - it is one of my little idiosyncrasies that frequently gets in the way of me just shutting up and letting things be. Also something I have been/am still working on. Thanks again! :)
     
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  4. lbushwalker

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    You are an interesting dude and have livened up this forum considerably; thank you!
     
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  5. JonJo

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    Fantasies are just that, fantasies, we all have them about something or other - its when and if you try to make them reality the problems start.
    You do self analyse (not over in my opinion) a lot but you know it; perhaps in your situation lots of self analysing isn't a bad thing - how can you get to fully know yourself if you don't and you have a lot to get to know and find out. Also with your job you have lots of time to do it.

    I personally don't understand your fantasy about a man but its yours not mine, so what does what I think about it count for.

    Just carry on being you, with your growing self knowledge and hopefully confidence from that knowledge.
    You can only happily be your own man; maybe eventually your own 'The Man' :)
     
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  6. oldkid

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    Your words speak well of your maturity. I have had a fantasy that's risky to talk about, but it is in a recurring dream. Nobody has to read this. The dream has me in bed and my daughter, maybe 16 in the dream, wakes me with her hand on my dick, and wanting me to deflower her, which I do. Often the dream goes on with her girlfriends, same age, coming to me with her, and asking me to do the same for them. I know, I know, dreams mean something. I've thought about it, but can't explain it, except my daughter and I were always close. So I agree, don't judge any person for what they think. That's privileged information.:)
     
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  7. 10_3XL

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    Never fear, Oldkid, me and the space around me is a strict judgement-free zone. Speak freely and often - I will listen. Only ask that you at least pretend to listen to me in return. :)
     
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  8. AGFUNK

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    I actually have the same fantasy but with another woman and my husband also there joining in. I have many fantasies like that and it's completely normal to me.
     
  9. Alwayslearningsex

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    I am currently, searching online for a woman who can indulge some fantasies of mine so I come across a few posts.
    There are men out there who actually want this fantasy of being dominated.
    So in my opinion the only thing that comes to mind is to try and discover yourself.
    Granted, the extreme nature of it scares you, totally not yourtype.
    That's okay, so how about starting mild domination and increase the level as you get comfortable with it until you feel you reached your limit. Talk with the guy you will try this with, establish rules, levels of comfort, safe word to use when someone needs to stop.

    Good luck and pleasure with discovering your sexuality.
     
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