Unable to perform...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by WhatIsWrongWithMe, Mar 29, 2015.

  1. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    I have been with my partner for over 7 years and sex has been great for the first 6 years.

    For about a year now my Partner and I have been having issues with having basic sex. Oral is fine and on the odd occasion doggie style works. But missionary is most if not all the time impossible. I just can not stay hard long enough to get in and stay in. I know that my issue is that unless I am stimulated I go limp. But also my partner also has a few issues, but these have been helped with tablets to help with the constant vaginal bleeding which is caused by PCOS. We have used various gels and stuff but still nothing helps. My partner is on the big size but nothing that stops me getting in while I am on top (missionary), but if I am not hard long enough then I do not get in.

    As far as I know I do not have a problem staying hard if stimulated by my partner of myself. But getting in is the main issue.

    One question that comes to mind is, do I actually have the issue and maybe blood pressure or blood flow is causing it ?

    My other question is, am I on the onset of losing the ability of maintaining an erection ?

    I have spoken to my doctor and he does not see that there is any major issue as I have said that I can stay hard if stimulated.

    Can anyone suggest what I can do ?
     
  2. Candela

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    ,ED comes in all stages and can happen to a man at any age,I dont agree with your doctor saying there is nothing wrong,Try a 1/2 of viagra just to see if that helps,If it does then its the problem.Im not a doctor but Id would try that and maybe get some sort of answer..Dont beat yourself up over it!! xoxo
     
  3. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    Firstly, a big thank you for your reply.

    Silly question maybe...

    Where do I get viagra safely ? I hear all sorts of stories that people buy it online and some do not know what's in it.

    Can the doctor help with this, even if I have to pay ?
     
  4. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    After another long talk with my Partner, we checked our NHS website and see that my doctor could actually help with this and after a few questions and tests can provide this service for us. We may have to pay for the viagra, but it's a start to finding out more.
     
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  5. NedF

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    I have suffered from ED a few times throughout my life. Often it was caused by temporary use of cold/decongestant drugs.

    If you still wake up at times with wood it might be psychological either way a Dr. is the best place to start.

    Age, some medical conditions and weight gain can also cause ED.
     
  6. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    Wood, yes, sometimes I jump all over the bed to wake my Partner up and make fully use of it, sometimes quick some days up to 20 minutes, either way we are happy for it all the same. There are times I have a random mid-day nap and wake up with it.
     
  7. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    I would say I am slim to avarage. I do not see any issue with weight. But I am a vegetarian and known other people who are vegetarians and vegans who have kids and have no issue with sex. We are also trying for our own, my Partner already has kids.
     
  8. AGFUNK

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    Did this start after you both decided to try for a child? Also does she know when she ovulates and tells you?
     
  9. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    Yes most of it did, no contraceptive has been used and was hoping for a suprise in time. But did not think it would take this long. It really went down hill when we started to seek help to find out why after many years of trying for a baby nothing is happening. I do at times get a little stressed and I know a little is all it takes. But I would not say I am always stressed about it, I just get on with it and live life to the full.
     
  10. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    Sorry sent to soon... We have just started to keep a diary and will try a test to see if she is ovulates or not. She has previously had rather wierd cycles.
     
  11. AGFUNK

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    I think it's all psychological and you don't need viagra. Trying to conceive gets very stressful. We tried for 2-3 years and nothing was happening. We got pregnant when we stopped actually trying. I think keeping a diary and trying to track ovulation is just going to make it worse. Make sex fun again and not just all about having a baby.
     
  12. MarkJ420

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    I was going to say get a medical check over. As blood pressure issues for instance can cause erection problems , but you say your doctor says there is nothing wrong medically , i assume he checked all that needs checking. Double check with the doctor again though if you decide to use viagra , your heart should be checked. We all know the possible dangers with viagra and the heart if its not A1. But the last poster makes a very good point it could be mental right now. Stress anything like that.
     
  13. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    All so true, About 3 years ago we really started to think about having our own. For the first few years it was great and yes a little stress about nothing happening but this did not cause any issues with sex. It is only the last year or so that my own issues started. But I use my own issues lightly as we do not know if it is me or her. We have bought toys for me and for her to use as well. And when she or I use toys on me there is never a issue. It's just an issue with getting in. If I do get in and stay hard sex is fine as long as I keep going and do not stop and depending on time of day, if the kids are at school or not and other factors we have in the past gone for at least 20 minutes or an hour. and I have been hard for most if not all of it, and if not always I do get hard again while we at it. But I have not got hard as in wood wood for many years, but it has not stopped us having sex. Even oral does not get me really hard. But hard enough that I can give it a little bend. Where morning glory is not possible to bend at all, when morning glory comes I stick a ring on it and we go like rabbits, never knowing if it will stop. So all this still makes me think can it really be stress? If it is, what on earth could be making me stress ? Nothing is really happening in my life or elsewhere that I can think would give me any kind of stress. I also know that stress is a hidden killer and does not always show it's self. But still can not work out what would cause it if I am stressed.
     
  14. AGFUNK

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    Like I said trying to conceive is stressful. Wondering if you're going to go limp or not is stressful. Why not give sex a break for now and just be as a couple. Stop charting cycles, stop stressing about making a baby. Just enjoy each other.
     
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  15. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    We also tried that after seeing the doctor about 6 months ago. No sex, no play, and then go back to sex, well that just made things a little worse. I am already in the mind set that conceiving will happen when it does. But aside from that just basic sex is what we are both worried about. We have left it for a week or two sometimes and just played around but not do so much that I ejaculate and then try to see if trying to much is causing us to fail. But this also does not work.
     
  16. lbushwalker

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    WWWM,
    A couple of things, how old are you?
    As others have said ED comes in various degrees, usually gradually and progressivelly or least it did for me from not being able to maintain an erection for long periods unless stimulated and similarly as in your case missionary position which gives the least friction when the lady is aroused due to lack of feeling caused me to go half mast then finally flopping out :(
    You could go the Viagra way or other similar meds but it might be worth first trying something simpler such as a cock ring.
    I have used a very simple one being a rubber tubing which bent in a circle with an adjustable locking device such as found on the cord of a hat or to close camping type stuff bags including those of sleeping bags.
    If this helps then be careful not to over tighten and not for too long.
    Anyway since your symptoms are identical to mine I do think that you do have onset of ED but that is not the end of the world in this modern age.
    I am over 60 and still going at it strongly :)
     
  17. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    I know all is not lost, yet. If in missionary position I do get in and stay hard enough then all is good, but it's like once in a blue moon. But oral, self or partner pleasuring is no issue for me, can it still be ED ?
     
  18. Amature

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    You don't mention (that I saw anyway) if you are on any blood pressure meds or not. I was on one for a while that I COULD NOT get an erection. The only other thing I can think of is to have your blood sugar checked. Being a diabetic myself, I know from my experience as well as others that blood sugar on a particular day and diabetes in general can affect an erection. The extra stimulation from oral might be enough to get you hard where as vaginal sex just doesn't stimulate you enough. Just a suggestion. You don't HAVE to be middle age and heavy to be diabetic, have a blood sugar test done. It's cheap, quick, and painless. And I hope you say "nope. Wasn't that," Good luck!
     
  19. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    No meds at all, and as far as I know I feel normal :-/ But will put blood sugar on my list to ask the doc.
     
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  20. WhatIsWrongWithMe

    WhatIsWrongWithMe New Member

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    Thank you for all the comments, it is realy helping me. I just hope the doc can help in the same way and better.
     
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