Uk newbie

Discussion in 'Member Introductions' started by LilaChels, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. LilaChels

    LilaChels Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2016
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    82
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Dan. I'm about getting ready to head for work but we'll chat soon :) I throw myself at the guy constantly. There's about a 20:80 chance he'll go along with it, but more often than not I'm wasting my time. Nothing a spell on SF won't help, I'm sure!
     
    danrb007 likes this.
  2. LilaChels

    LilaChels Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2016
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    82
    Gender:
    Female
    Such a wonderful reply, thank you. I'm all up for a bit of fun and would be thrilled to explore these with my fella, I worry about rebuffed. It's happened before. I'm not perfect, and I'm absolutely at peace with that, I don't doubt for one minute there are things he would have me alter in regards to our marriage. The problem is, he never seems capable of focussing on anything that isn't on a 15" screen. I don't know how to compete with that. I swear to god, last night I sat watching his fingers moving over the keyboard and genuinely wondered why the fuck they can't work like that when I have buttons worth pressing!
     
    danrb007 likes this.
  3. danrb007

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,776
    Likes Received:
    1,685
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    wyoming
    Verified:
    Photo
    I look forward to chatting and maybe even playing sometime.. Have a great day
     
    LilaChels likes this.
  4. Hottie6275

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2015
    Messages:
    1,959
    Likes Received:
    4,929
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    Verified:
    Photo
    I might have glanced over this vital info, but how old are you and him. If he's still in his 20s, video games are still important. I don't know why but maybe it's still an immature mind. If he's older, maybe he just doesn't have that same old sex drive. Believe me, there are plenty of nice horny guys here that will make you feel good about you.
     
  5. LilaChels

    LilaChels Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2016
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    82
    Gender:
    Female
    We're both in our late 20s. We've been together 9 years and I'd say it's only within the last 3 or 4 years that the gaming has become a "thing". He's become a recluse and it scares me. He was a cocky, confident, life-and-soul-of-the-party type when we met. We're probably a very typical and normal couple with young kids (eldest is 6) but that doesn't make it any less sad.
     
  6. Hottie6275

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2015
    Messages:
    1,959
    Likes Received:
    4,929
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    Verified:
    Photo
    Here is probably the worse advice you'll get from me but it's the analogy that I often use to explain why I do what I do. 9(45yrs for me) years is a long time to wear the same pair of shoes. They are comfortable shoes, but still old shoes. There are times that I want to just try on new shoes. Maybe not buy them but see if they fit me as good as or better than the others. But society tells me I should never want or need another pair of shoes. And the thought that I can never buy another pair is disheartening. At least on SF a I can talk to others in the shoes store who might also want to try a new pair on. And with no strings attached.

    Does that make sense?
     
  7. LilaChels

    LilaChels Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2016
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    82
    Gender:
    Female
    Absolutely, it really does. It's selfish but I feel like any form of validation that I'm interesting enough might just be enough for me to stick through this and see if it is just a phase. Albeit a long one I don't want, but it's his life too. I don't want to not be with him, but I do want affection and he's not providing that, even when asked and encouraged. It doesn't cross his mind. Hopefully you're right with the immaturity comment, as there doesn't SEEM to be any underlying issue, and I don't view this (right now) as a reason to justify being unfaithful. Funny what we can excuse when we have to though. I think he'd be crushed to discover I was on here, but I know he wouldn't be so crushed that it would change anything.
     
  8. Joe Bloe

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2017
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    189
    Gender:
    Male
    At the risk of being a guy, and a guy always wants to "fix things", I still feel the need to weigh in on this simply because it sounds like you're describing me. Or at least how I was.

    I made it to over age 40, still spending 6 hours or more a night playing games with my friends online for the most part (PC gaming, thank you very much!) It would come in waves, but on average I probably would spend 30 hours a week gaming. No kidding. All the way into my 40's. Also, keep in mind I'm a C-Level executive in a medium sized company with locations covering half the states in the USA, so you can't just say it's because I have a childish mind.

    Oh, and my wife and I married when I was 19 after knowing each other for three months. We've been together longer than you've been on this earth.

    To analyze why, I'd say a lot is I have social anxiety + ADD. My wife however is very outgoing. Just having people in the house would send me into freak-out mode, and having several short ones running around kept me in a state of mental overload. I would retreat into video games, put on headphones and forget where I was. Now that my kids are mostly grown and the two youngest are old enough to have their own lives for the most part it's not as bad as it used to be. When the grandkids come over and I have a full house of people I still find myself retreating either into my bedroom to watch TV or putting on the headphones and gaming. I feel like "Red" from That 70's Show leaving to go do something in the garage.

    At times over the years this would be a very sore point between us. There were many occasions I'd go to bed at 3 in the morning after gaming all night from the time I got home from work and find her asleep naked or in lingerie having been waiting for me. Opportunity lost.

    To be brutally honest, my sexual needs were being fulfilled in the shower during those times.

    The best advice I could give you is make him commit to a once a week date night. Find a consistent babysitter. You don't have to spend a lot of money to do this - in fact we just go for a walk window shopping downtown sometimes or pack a picnic to the park. My wife and I did that and even when it doesn't lead to sex it has kept us closer together and helped me break out of my shell. Also, get a gym membership and force him to go with you. Preferably a couple of times a week at least. Our gym provides child care during certain hours.

    The more exercise you two get the more he'll want sex. It'll also keep him from getting blood clots in his legs. Seriously - this is probably a serious risk for him. You can google blood clot video gamer and show him articles of people who died to help convince him. Or start jogging together with one of those free apps that get you from couch to 5K.

    And catch him in the shower one morning and take over for him. :) At first he'll be mortified at his embarrassment, then he'll probably really get into it. You can pretend you didn't know what he was doing when you walked in to help him save face. My sex drive is always much higher in the mornings.

    His outgoing nature was probably there because of you. Without him feeling the need to rope you in anymore he's reverting back to his baseline self. I do that. It sucks, but if you want it to change you're going to have to figure out how to socialize him. Don't forget though if he's like me he will still need alone time, i.e. video games, to stay sane.

    If it wasn't for my wife I'd probably be living in my parents basement playing video games and working at Wal Mart.

    And the best adult suggestion I could make - although he probably wouldn't respond to it - both of you should read "His Needs, Her Needs". It talks about the causes of infidelity and how to strengthen a relationship.
     
    #48 Joe Bloe, Jul 27, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2017
    danrb007 likes this.
  9. Hottie6275

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2015
    Messages:
    1,959
    Likes Received:
    4,929
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    Verified:
    Photo
    Excellent advice.
     
    Joe Bloe likes this.
  10. Joe Bloe

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2017
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    189
    Gender:
    Male
    Also to add to my post above - stop thinking it's you. Those breasts are EXTREMELY interesting. :);):D
     
  11. LilaChels

    LilaChels Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2016
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    82
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks a ton for that. I apologise for any inference that gaming equals immaturity, just me clutching at straws for a selfish solution I think :) I'm going to hunt down the text you've quoted, and I think maybe forcing him to deal with me is a good option. It's funny because having thought about it, I'm a massively sociable person. And he isn't these days. Likely you've hit the nail on the head!!
     
    danrb007 likes this.
  12. Thickchicagodick

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2017
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    371
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Illinois
    Hello and welcome! Hope you have fun here and hope to chat sometime
     
  13. Joe Bloe

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2017
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    189
    Gender:
    Male
    No need to apologize, I took no disrespect. I hope you guys figure out what works for you. I think a lot of times without communication going on we tend to imagine things that are worse than reality.

    Since our first decade of marriage, my wife and I talk openly about my anxiety and we both try to work around it. Often if I'm on overdrive and my wife wants to go to a social event I'll ask "I really don't want to go, is that ok?" Most times she says it's fine and we don't worry about it, she either goes without me or we skip. Sometimes like yesterday when I mentioned I didn't want to go to a party on Sat, she tells me I really need to go to this one and we won't stay too long. We don't talk about it again, I don't whine, I go, despite the urge to run and hide. Sometimes I just drive separately so I can politely leave if I get overwhelmed.

    It was a much larger point of contention before we both realized what it was and how to handle it. We had many arguments of me not wanting to do something and her insisting, finally we both learned to compromise. The tipping point was when she invited six people over for Easter dinner and didn't tell me until the day of because she knew I would not want to. In the middle of dinner without saying anything I left my cell phone on our bed, got in my car and drove for 45 minutes straight out of town before I finally calmed down, turned around and came home. We finally started talking after that. I'm not that bad anymore, I'm much better at dealing with it.

    Something else that might help, get a dedicated chat app for the two of you like snapchat or telegram. Something that ONLY has the two of you as contacts so you don't accidentally text the wrong person, and send each other sexy texts and pics through the day. It'll help keep him focused on you. There's also a free android app called Desire that will provide sexy dares in a game with points and levels that you guys might find fun. Anything to build some focus and desire through the day when you are both at work would help.
     
    danrb007 likes this.
  14. Mr_E

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    1,566
    Likes Received:
    2,202
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    Welcome to SF. I had to laugh. Its usually dad's that notice the "short people" running around the house. Sometime I'll have to tell you about the three stages of sex in life.