[Ask a Girl] Tummy issues

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Ringo, May 3, 2012.

  1. Ringo

    Ringo New Member

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    My wife has "a little extra padding" in the front. In addition to having body image issues, it also causes her discomfort in many sexual positions. A lot of the discomfort is from the jostling of this "padding". It can cause us to have to change positions multiple times and has got to be very disruptive to her mood. Since I'm dealing with a low desire partner, I want to do anything to preserve her mood.

    I've wondered if something like a back support or tummy cincher might be used to hold everything in place. I'm hesitant to suggest it because I'm afraid it will make her even more self conscious about it.

    Is the potential reward worth the risk?

    I'm sure others have experience this. Any techniques you've used to deal with it?

    Any help appreciated.

     
  2. thunderseed

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    Hey, when I was anorexic and had terrible body image issues I was extremely self conscious about my belly so I can sort of relate my past to this. I didn't have any belly fat at all seeing as I was underweight, but I thought there was. I absolutely hated men touching my stomach and whenever they did it interfered with sex. I also hated people watching me eat, or touching me when I ate, and turned into a growly wolf. Being in recovery has been quite a struggle. I've gained around 40 pounds and although I am at a healthy weight now, it was a major smash on my confidence and still is some days. And when I have bad eating disorder thought days, it's not that I believe I will never get laid because I'm fat, it's that I believe I will never want to get laid because I think I'm fat.
    However much I realized men preferred me as not a skeleton, it still didn't help my confidence and how weird it felt having a different body. At times I feel incredibly vulnerable like this.
    Did you know that I even had to learn to walk differently. I used to have no muscle and no fat on me at all, so as soon as I grew thighs, I couldn't walk the same way. It looks a lot different and I still have bad days where I feel triggered to starve myself again.

    No, it's not worth the risk. I think if someone suggested a tummy clincher back then I would be more self conscious and probably would have punched them in the face. All it does is tell them that you are not happy with their weight.

    If you want to help her mood, you can suggest counselling for her insecurities, and the only thing you can do is reassure her that she is beautiful. Tell her that you love her body the way it is and that it turns you on, and that she has no reason to feel insecure.
    Body image problems are not solved this way, because they aren't actually about the body they have underlying issues, but it can help her feel good about herself temporarily and it will let her know you do not have the same belief as she does.
    If you know anything about body image problems, it is her own beliefs about herself, and she won't even care what anyone else thinks of her as long as she believes she is undesirable, fat, or ugly. But it does help to reassure someone that they are beautiful and that you love them for who they are. Even so it is a problem that only the person can help themselves with. She has to want to do something about it. She has to have the motivation to want to love herself enough to get out and work out or better yet she love herself the way she is, to practice positive affirmations, and to do self healing work to release the reasons why she feels so unconfident.
    Body image problems can get so severe that people no longer care about being loved for who they are on the inside, and only care about being desirable on the outside.

    What's more is if you are showing her that sex is becoming bothersome because of her weight, it's only going to encourage her to continue having low confidence.
    Does it bother you? If it does then maybe you should be thankful you have a woman with beautiful curves and not someone who is a bone rack. There is nothing hotter about how a woman's curves jiggle during sex.
    If you love her curves and it turns you on, you can just tell her that, and do things to boost her confidence during sex. Don't let her squirm away from you in shame, let her know you enjoy it all and that it doesn't matter! You can try your best not to let your frustrations show.
    I know it is absolutely terrible having a loved one who has body image issues, I can only imagine how much shit I put my loved ones through.
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Doggie style with pillow support should do the trick :)
     
  4. Dragon_Fire

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    Just how much "extra padding" does she have if it's enough to affect her ability to have sex? I've always carried a lot of weight on my tummy, even when I was underweight. (People used to think I was pregnant because I was skinny with a big belly.) Nowadays, I consider my tummy huge. A year ago I found it hampered my ability to tie up my shoes but never has it gotten in the way of a good sex session.

    This really sounds to me that your wife's self image is getting in the way of her letting herself go, not the tummy itself. The physical pain/discomfit is probably nowhere near what her mind is letting her believe.

    For advice on handling it, refer back to the last couple of Thunderseed's post. :)
     
  5. Ringo

    Ringo New Member

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    Absolutely not. I appreciate her the way she is, besides I like body types of all shapes and sizes.

    I really just want to make our sex life better for her. It's not that the extra padding gets in the way. She's fine for a while, but as things get more vigorous, she says the jiggling is uncomfortable. It could be that she's just becoming more self conscious with the increased motion.

    We'll have to see if we can make doggy style work.