trying to make anal work

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by joeart, Mar 11, 2007.

  1. joeart

    joeart New Member

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    hi there.

    i have a girlfriend of 2 years now, and we're going very strong. we live together, and we love each other very much. she and i both know that i have always had a huge anal fetish, and we have only had anal sex a few times. every time we do it, she says she likes it, but i sense that something is wrong. just the other day she told me that she doesn't really like it, because it makes her feel uncomfortable. it either hurts, or it makes her feel like she's going to poop. this made me feel really bad, because she has always told me that she loves it and wants to do it with me.

    so i got to thinking. we never truly prepare for it. we use lots of lube, but she usually rushes it, while i want to work it up slowly. i think this is because she is afraid and wants to get it over with. she will say "just slide it in", and i'll do so because she doesn't really want to slowly prepare like i do. now that she finally has said that it hurts, i thought about what other people have said: "if it hurts, you're not doing it right." but, sometimes, even when i finger her ass, she says it makes her feel like she needs to poop. i know there are a lot of nerves in there that sexually stimulate, so can someone tell me what is going wrong?

    this is a huge fetish of mine, and i've tried to not like it, but i just can't. when i get extremely horny, it's sometimes the thing i want most, and it's hard dealing with that if she won't do it with me.

    any ideas?

    thank you
     
  2. NaughtyKnickers

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    This is a tough one.

    She needs to relax. You can prep her all you want physically (which is good and necessary), but if she cannot will her body to relax it's still going to be uncomfortable. :ugh

    It sounds as though you've read some of the many posts and comments about anal on this forum(?). Relaxing and preparing both mentally and physically are very important.
    It sounds like she just isn't mentally prepared and that's making her tense. :ugh

    Many of us women who do like anal have to be in the right zone for it (i.e. horny out of our minds) in order for our bodies to comply so that the experience is comfortable and enjoyable. If she isn't mentally prepared (i.e. she's trying to rush it, and isn't really into it) that's going to cause trouble, the body and mind are one. It's hard to relax as you need to for anal if you're just not into it.
    I think anal is one of those things a person must actively, genuinely WANT in order to physically enjoy it at all.

    Perhaps you could tell her that if she is ever aroused to the point where she fully wishes to try it again, she can give you a signal that she wants it, and then you can proceed from there. She obviously knows you want it, but it just sounds like she's been doing it to please you, or has very mixed feelings about it. You might have to back off the issue for a little while and just leave the ball in her court.

    It is her choice and after all the experience is worthless if she can't be in the frame of mind to enjoy it along with you.

    Perhaps other members will have more hopefull suggestions. :ugh
     
  3. analgirl77

    analgirl77 New Member

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    use plenty of lube and she needs to relax and use a butt plug to relax her butt muscles i use one before i have anal
     
  4. Stormy

    Stormy New Member

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    Anal is not for everyone. You may have to accept the fact that she simply doesn't like anal sex, never will, and is only doing it to please you. This may be an area of your sex life that you'll have to forego. Try to see it from her point of view. Would you want to be performing sex acts for her sake that make you uncomfortable or unhappy?

    A good sex life is no different than any other aspect of a relationship. It requires consideration of both partners needs.
     
  5. Bluesy

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    Amen to what Stormy said. If you truly love someone, plain ol' vanilla sex seems like a privilege... If that isn't the case for you, then you'd both be better off single. You, so you can seek out someone who's into anal, and her so she can find someone who will cherish her for what she has to offer.
     
  6. joeart

    joeart New Member

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    I love her very much, and I never said that not having anal sex is going to damage our relationship! But thank you for the kind words.

    I talked to her about it and suggested that we try it again, but only when we are able to arrange a time before hand. I am going to spend a lot of time with foreplay and massaging, working very slowly. She agreed to this, so this might be our last time with it! Hopefully we will do it correctly this time, and maybe she will find some pleasure out of it. Who knows?

    Since this may be my last chance to possibly make anal work, does anyone have some words of wisdom?

    Thank you all for your help and support!

    -Joe
     
  7. Bluesy

    Gold Member

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    Lust/infatuation is often mistaken for love. To qualify as TRUE love, one must have the utmost respect for one's partner. Imposing your desires on a "loved" one to reap selfish rewards is NOT love. You're pressuring her to fulfill your desires--this is ugly, selfish, manipulative behavior. I advise you to give up this self-gratification agenda and devote yourself to learning how to love before she gets a clue and leaves you for a guy who knows what REAL love entails. (And more power to her in that case.)
     
  8. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    /signed

    In fact.... wife and I had our first enjoyable anal experience last month. We've tried it a few times, and it never worked out. As all of you know we got that Magic Wand vibe.... it had her so crazy on her 4th or so orgasm.. She wanted me to slip in along with the attachment, which I've done a few times.... she was in the middle of a build toward another orgasm when I accidentally slipped in the wrong place!!!! Anyway... it sent her into body shutters she came so hard -- which of course caused me to cum inside her ass. (I didn't have protection on because I was going for the right place and missed! -- normally I wouldn't do anal without protection). Anyway.... she was sooo wet and we were sooo lubed up from all the activities that it fairly easily slid right in!

    In any case -- it was an amazing experience that was totally unplanned.
     
  9. NaughtyKnickers

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    Good for you, duncan, sounds like a delightful surprise! :)

    joeart your lady might like to incorporate a vibrator when you do try anal again. When I was new to doing it, I used a vibe once and found it made all the difference!

    That way it felt like an exciting sexual experimentation complete with orgasms and not just a lab research project in Successfully Introducing Penis to New Location, 101. :lol
    These orgasms are incredibly intense, as duncans story also pointed out.

    Using toys in tandem also offers some 'instant payoff' for the woman if she's still adjusting to the sensation of being penetrated that way.
    I don't know if I ever would have grown to enjoy anal like I do now, had I not used toys as well along the way. They made the learning curve quite a bit more pleasant. ;)
     
  10. joeart

    joeart New Member

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    I will DEFINITELY keep that in mind, Knickers! Thank you for the advice!!
     
  11. loveit247

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    What worries me is that she has told you that she does not like it and you have asked her to do it again. You are passively bullying her. She feels she has to do it otherwise you will not love her as much/leave her/get it else where. If you really do love this girl, drop it.
     
  12. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    I don't agree, she only told him she didn't like it when he kept asking her.

    I can understand that she would want to try to do this for him because she loves him and wants to do something he loves.

    I was in a relationship once, I knew he loved anal, I had never tried it, but I wanted to do it for him. Unfortunately I had expected he would know what he was doing... plenty of lube and a but plug was not enough preparation for me, and although i thought I was relaxed, it hurt me ... a lot.

    I was very disappointed, and what made it worse was his attitude. He said his ex didn't like it, so why should I.

    I have to say the pain was very intense, I can't imagine your girl is in that much pain or she would not be able to continue. So your approach of taking more time, could very well work. With preparation, I hope she can relax and enjoy it.