I don't know where to begin, there are a lot of parts to this. My girlfriend of 1 year and I have had a challenging time with sex for one reason or another all year long. Early on, she was unable to have sex for 1-2 months on two separate occasions. Both times were infections of some sort, we have concluded that it's because she's small, and I'm big, and we didn't use lube in the beginning, multiple times in a row, or over a few days, which stretched her out too much and invited infection by cracking/chafing/cutting her inside. She saw a doctor, got treated, but it was a long time to get over both these infections, and it was really uncomfortable for her. This has really traumatized her psyche. A lot. She'll get all tense thinking about this and tightens up to the point where she can't stop thinking about it and we have to stop having sex. She doesn't like having sex unless she can shower right away, now, either. Certain positions frighten her because she thinks I'll pop out and hurt her in the process (this happened once). To add to this, she's been told she's prone to urinary tract infections because of a short urethra (she's had 1 or two of those in the last year and has always had a lot of those in the past). Anyways, we use lube now and that seems to be working well, (aside from her thinking we need lube right away at all times no matter what, which I think we can get over, but that's the least of our worries right now) Now, over this time getting to know her, I've since also found out that: -She doesn't enjoy oral sex on her -She doesn't really get much out of fingering and her g spot doesn't do anything -Doggy style or from-behind of any sort isn't something she likes (I hit her bladder because she's small) She says the only way she really gets off is by clitoral and that she doesn't "feel anything" with penetration, at least enough to orgasm. Now: Add on to this other psychological issues - -intimidated/afraid of my size -dealing with a loss of a pet this year who she was extremely close to -not feeling like she sexually pleases me because her sex drive is a lot lower -overthinking sex because she thinks she is not pleasing me or doing it right -worried about room mates hearing the slightest noise she makes I'm at the point where it feels like the cards are really stacking against us. I'm trying everything I can to help us both have a good sex life. We got over the infections, but we are still really being affected by her memories of all this. I can tell a ton of it is in her head, well, basically all of it - she'll repetitively think about things over and over while we are having sex and we can't even go on. I can tell she gets tense and it overcomes her. It's to the point where she's just lying there not doing much and I have to just stop, or ask her if something's wrong, and it either offends her or makes her feel miserable. Sometimes she just doesn't get into it, I can't tell if it's things that I have mentioned which are bothering her, or if that's just the way she is - a little more reserved with sex and not as energetic?? I've brought up some of these things with her it has made her even more self conscious about everything, because at times I have pointed out that she's not 'into it' enough - distracted from memories of her infections, tired/just trying to please me, conscious about room mates, tense, whatever - but the point is that me doing that has made her feel even more self conscious, it's like a downward spiral. I legitimately feel like this entire year has gone this way. We barely had fully passionate and satisfying-for-the-both-of-us sex, maybe a handful of times. I love her and she's like my dream come true. It makes me really sad that this is the state of our sex life. I don't even know what someone could offer for advice because all of this seems like a jumble of random instances, or environmental circumstances, or things that have happened in the past that we just need to get over, but... I guess what is really confusing/I have no idea how to fix is her psychological things going on - memories of the past infections - her over thinking whether or not she's satisfying me.. I am also completely confused about how her g spot does nothing, how fingering doesn't do much, and how she doesn't like oral sex - this combined with our being unable to do a good amount of sex positions because of my size makes it hard for me to feel like I even please her. She reaches orgasm pretty easily otherwise, but I can tell her head isn't in it most of the time, either because she's distracted, or maybe she's not and it's just me getting used to her more reserved style of sex. Any advice at all would help. I have no idea what anyone could even say to this but anything would help.