Trying new things

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by p00ch, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. p00ch

    p00ch New Member

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    Me and my wife have a great relationship and our sex life isnt too shabby either. We communicate great and always keep an open mind about things. Ive been trying to get her to to explore new things in the bedroom, we talk things trough and she seems interested. But when we get down to it she clams up, gets quiet and just seems as if she is along for the ride. It seems like she isnt interested in anything but the same ol same ol. I on the other hand want things to be more more random and less run of the mill. I enjoy our sex life, I just want some variety. Im very open to trying things, but Im more turned on when she is excited and really gets into it. I feel as if she agrees with things because she knows I want to try it, but at the same time she really doesnt want to do it. So that makes me feel as if Im being pushy by trying to communicate about it. I respect her likes and dislikes, and I wont push the issue on anything she dosent want to do.

    The topics Ive brought up arent anything crazy, just a little kinkier than our normal routine. Ive tried to add some acting and props, but she just seems like shes not into it. Our relationship isnt broken, Im not trying to fix anything. Ive just had some recent fantasys/fetishes that I have found interesting lateley. In a nutshell I want to explore but I feel like Im alone and communication dosent seem to be working. Any ideas, or constructive criticism?
     
  2. Anotherday

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    It sounds like you are off to a better "start" than others in just the fact that you say the two of you already communicate well and you are able to discuss sexual things with her. I wonder though, what does she have to say some of her wants/fantasies are? For things to really work there should be a very open understanding of each others needs/desires/fantasies.
    I don't know enough about either of you but just typically:
    Perhaps she is a little more inhibited than you and she has a hard time feeling confident enough to truly let you know what she may be into or may truly want to try. If the two of you can wrap your heads around the idea that people in a consensual relationship can explore whatever the two of you want to no matter how kinky, dirty, or unusual typical society thinks it is that is the first step of truly opening things up. Sometimes people just need to get over the idea that they are going to be "judged" by their partner or even their friends and family. Truly what goes on in a consensual relationship is no one's business but the people involved.

    Maybe you should focus more on working towards finding out what dark desires she may hold within herself and finding a way for her to realize that you are that very person that she can explore those with without judgement, reserve, or regret. Total trust in a relationship leads to great things my friend.

    The idea of having a relationship that is not the norm, not vanilla, that sets us apart unto ourselves is one of the things that truly drives the wife and I to continue to add aspects of kink to our lives. We keep it private, it is between us, it is ours, and we are stronger and more sexual than ever before.

    Be trustworthy, let her know she can trust you with her most intimate/dark desires, and maybe just maybe she'll surprise you. Maybe even shock you, just remember not to be judgmental and don't let fantasies threaten you. Just discern consensually which can be explored in your relationship and which should be left to fantasy.

    Don't be afraid to learn a few things from the "dark side" look into and learn about some aspects of BDSM/kink you will find that there is so much more to it than leather and whips. There are aspects of this lifestyle that can be used in the most vanilla relationships that can create very strong and open relationships and of course there are those kinky aspects that you just may want to add.
     
  3. p00ch

    p00ch New Member

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    I am open and I do listen, when I ask her she just says I don't know or won't say anything at all. That's why I've been trying to come up with ideas, nothing specific just trying to touch base here and there hoping for some response. But so far nothing. We have been together for 11 years now, met in high school. We get along great, lately I have been wanting to spice things up in the bedroom. All the years we have been together I have never heard her talk about any fetishes or fantasys she may have. So we have been talking a lot lately hopefully maybe she will open up about it some. I'm completely open to what she may say, never judgmental. I listen and respect her likes and dislikes, I just feel like there's something there and she feels embarrassed to talk about it. I don't know maybe I'm going about this wrong, I just figured as long as we have been together that secrets were a thing of the past. Maybe she doesn't have any I don't know. Thanks for the insight.
     
  4. sandwich

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    Role playing and props might be intimidating to lots of people because involving those things is like being on stage. There are more people who hate the idea of any sort of acting, public speaking, or anything else where they are on display. That's why I hate karaoke. My female friends won't do it, so then there I am, the only one who will, and what fun is that? Even though she is your spouse and it's just the two of you, it could still be very uncomfortable for her.

    My thought is that maybe there is something kinky you could try that does not involve role playing and props. Ideas abound on this forum. Then if you have success with whatever things you try, then maybe eventually she'd say yee ha to the idea of being your cowgirl or whatever you had in mind.

    And fyi...there are some drawbacks to people like me who have performance backgrounds and love to entertain. I won't go into all that here...my point is that it sounds like she is good for you, and with all the relationship drama going on in marriages, that is saying something!