True Story - Her

Discussion in 'Erotic Literature' started by mattman52, May 12, 2012.

  1. mattman52

    mattman52 New Member

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    Freshman year of college. I'm 19 years old. I'm in her room - my crush. A sexy blonde girl. I have two classes with her. She's the reason I go. She smiles at me in the classroom. Most women ignore me because I'm quiet, but not her. She has green eyes and full lips. Her hair falls gently around her shoulders. She's in amazing shape. She's a ballet dancer and she loves it. And I'm in her room right now just staring at her. My heart is racing because I know what she's thinking as she closes the door.

    She comes up to me and puts her arms on my shoulders. "What are you thinking about?" I swallow nervously and smile. "I'm thinking about you" I say as she stares into my eyes. I can smell her perfume. She's wearing a necklace and it drapes into her blouse. I see the shape of her breasts and I begin to breathe more quickly as she presses them against me. She bites her lip and moves closer. She kisses me. My heart races. She slides her hands down my back and grabs my ass. I know what she wants. "My room mate has work tonight. She won't be back for a while." She smiles and begins to take off my shirt. She runs her hands down my chest, feeling my abs. She unbuttons me and I help her take them off. She squeezes my cock and bites my neck.

    I reach into her blouse and touch her breasts. I can feel her hard nipples against my hands. I squeeze her breasts and feel them. She is so soft. I slowly remove her blouse. She is breathing heavily. I know she wants me. She pulls off her shorts and I see she isn't wearing panties. She planned this. She has a small ring in her clit and she plays with it, climbing on to her bed, her back arched. Her breasts are so beautiful and her body so strong and firm. I climb on top of her. She squeezes my cock again and whispers "Fuck me." I stick my fingers inside her. She is so wet. I move them back and forth and she gasps. I lick off my fingers and slide into her. My cock tingles from the sensation. She moans and puts her head back. Her breasts are pressed against my chest and I begin to fuck her. Faster. She is moaning. Her nails are in my back. The pain feels so good.

    Her breathing turns me on. She is almost gasping. Her hands are clenched and she pulls on the sheets. I am so turned on. I lick her breasts and taste her. She loves it. She pulls away for a moment and lays on her belly. I slide in again and fuck her from behind. I spank her and she moans with pleasure. She likes what I like. Her perfect ass gets me so hard. I feel myself about to cum. She hears me breathing and says "Cum inside me. Please." So I thrust harder and harder. I am so deep inside her. She buries her face in her bed and moans loudly. She doesn't want the neighbors to hear. I feel the rush. I am cumming. I feel it pumping out of me, surging. I can see my cock throbbing as the cum fills her up. I pull out. I am covered in our moisture. She grabs my cock. This isn't over.

    She pushes me down onto the bed. Can I take anymore? With a body like hers, anything is possible. "Do you want me?" she asks as she lays on top of me. I tell her yes. She begins to suck my cock. I'm still hard as a rock. She squeezes me and keeps sucking on me. She rubs my cock on her breasts and then climbs on top of me. She is dripping from my cum. I slide into her and she is riding me. Up and down. Her breasts move with her body. Her hair blows gently from the open window by her bed. She is so beautiful. Her necklace jumps between her breasts, sliding over her nipples. I reach down and rub her clit as she fucks me. She covers her mouth and I can see she is excited. Tears run down her face. I know she is cumming. I can feel her vagina squeezing me. She suddenly pulls me out and she squirts all over me. Her chest heaves as she breathes heavily. Her face is red and she is covered in sweat.

    Her body glistens in the sunlight. She is breathing so heavily. I know she got what she needed. She slides off of me and begins to suck on my cock again. I ask her to climb over my face, so I can make her feel good again. I lick her vagina. I don't even care that I've already cum inside her. I'm too turned on to care. I lick her clit and she is loving it. She keeps sucking my cock and I am almost distracted by it. I am tingling all over. I know I'm about to cum again. I stick my fingers inside her as I lick her. She squirts again. I can't help myself. I cum and she loves it. She keeps sucking on me as I cum. I feel the throbbing and the surge again. She is swallowing everything. She doesn't mind. This girl... she is amazing. She comes up to my face, smiling. She is radiant. Her face is glowing. She smiles and kisses me. Everything with her is different. I don't hold back with her. She lays down next to me and puts her arm across my chest. We lie there together listening to people laugh in the courtyard outside the window. I stare at the ceiling. Perhaps I have died and gone to heaven? I can live with that.
     
  2. Mittimer

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    Nice story but I have some constructive criticism. What you're doing is writing at a fifth grade level and it reads like a newspaper. That's not a slide at you, I've just taken enough creative writing classes to last me a life time. (For the record, newspapers are written at a fifth grade level for "ease of reading") Needless to say, you don't want that.

    I, He, She, It, They are NOT your friends. Avoid those words. Every sentence starts with "I", "She". If you can't avoid these words, be sure that in the sentence prior to the one using those words, that you put who you are talking about.

    You are VERY matter of fact with your story and it needs more emotion. A period (.) is not the only punctuation that is on your keyboard. Explore! Show emotion. For example, I've rewritten one of your paragraphs for you.

    Ok, so let's call your crush Sally. Here's your first paragraph re-written.

    It’s my freshman year of college and I’m 19 years old sitting in Sally’s room. The room of my beautiful sexy blonde crush who is the very reason I go to class. She always smiles at me, most women don’t. I think they ignore me because I’m quiet, but Sally doesn’t. She is graceful ballet dancer with forest green eyes, round full lips and silky hair that falls gently around her shoulders. My heart is racing because I know what she is thinking as she slowly closes the door.
     
  3. mattman52

    mattman52 New Member

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    Hmm I like your comment. I've never written a narrative like this before. All the papers I have ever done were reports or research, so the story telling type of writing is alien to me. I'll work on it :)
     
  4. zaptoec

    zaptoec New Member

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    Not a bad story. Sounds hot. Writing could be better but hey, I don't write that well either.
     
  5. lbushwalker

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    Mattman52,
    Dude, I enjoyed every word and if as you say it was a true event then I envy your experience.
    For me it was sort of a tale of uncertain innocence transformation to super charged sexuality.