Troubled mind

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by ant_lion, May 30, 2008.

  1. ant_lion

    ant_lion New Member

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    Hello, everyone!
    Just found this site on google. There's great stuff here!
    Anyway, my concern is with the object of anal stimulation on men and, perhaps, even pegging. Havent tried it yet, but I have used a dildo on myself alone and that was really... intense! The thing is, while the sensations and perhaps just the thought of it IS exciting, I cannot think of this as something normal. I mean, even though I like girls only (love them!) and want nothing sexually with men, I still cannot think of this act (the man being penetrated) as something other than a homosexual act and, well, something wrong. I guess I'm confused... since I discovered anal stimulation and found out it was good, I always wanted to try a dildo to find out what it was like to be penetrated (fucked?). But, after I done it, using a dildo alone, I felt really embarrassed and ashamed... sorta guilty... and had a hard time considering what I had done a normal thing to do - that is, something NOT homosexual. It was very exciting, different, to be penetrated by a dildo very much similar to my own penis, but I still cannot think of it as something normal and be OK with this... I'm very much troubled now, because I guess I want to do it again but, at the same time, I cannot be OK with it. The thought of it excites me and, again, it troubles me (I went as far as throwing the dildo I just bought into the trash).
    Guess I should never have touched down there in the first place...:(
    Any toughts?
     
  2. igor

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    Yeah - you're confused all right. There is nothing wrong with anal play nor is it only engaged in my homosexuals. Got it? OK then.... Whatever feels good - do it! It's not for everybody, but then a lot of other things aren't either. So don't worry or feel guilty.
     
  3. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Well you are not the only guy to feel this way...

    I have always been an open minded person - always defending gays and even had gay friends in college.

    I would joke with them about if they thought I was cute, etc... I was never what I considered homophobic.

    But...

    I got a rabbit vibe for my g/f and as a free gift I got some cheap plastic dildo with it.

    My g/f asked if she could use it on me and I told her no...

    For the first time in my life I got close minded about something... especially related to sex.

    I felt like it would of made me gay... I was afraid I would like it... I was afraid she would tell her friends "I got to fuck his ass, yesterday", etc.

    I grew up in the inner city... in a very tough environment and being called a "homo" was usually the worst rip people could dish out...

    I had very open minded parents and I knew all of this was wrong and for years I was proud of how I openly defended gays and even befriended them... so I thought there was no way I was homophobic... but as I learned the other day - part of me is....

    I guess it is all part of being human... it is society that make us feel this way.

    I think it is just a fear that guys like us need to overcome...
     
  4. heelfetish

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    Anal stimulation does not equal gay. That is just a negative stereotype perpetuated by the ignorant and misinformed. Of course, that doesn't make your current feelings any less real.

    If this is something you enjoy, then you need to try to overcome these feelings. You are not abnormal, nor is the act you are now fond of. I assure you it does not make you gay, although there are narrow-minded people out there that may make that assumption or assertion. Please don't feel guilty about the things in life that bring you pleasure.

    There is no need for anyone besides you and perhaps your partner to know about it. If you're feeling uneasy, talk to your partner about how you feel, and ask that those activities be kept discreet. I won't be comfortable if my wife told her friends about our anal play either. While it's 'normal', it's still not commonplace. Some people still don't understand.

    Best of luck to you!
     
  5. ant_lion

    ant_lion New Member

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    I guess you are right... there is indeed a fear that guys like us need to overcome. But the problem is how to do that - it ain't an easy thing to overcome thoughts and ideas that goes back to the way you were educated since childhood.
    Like you, I grew up in an eviroment where being called a "homo" was a terrible insult... which probably contribuited to that fear also. While, like you, I personaly have no problem with other people's sexual orientation, whatever they are, the problem of fear persists (in a lot of us, I guess)

    Anyway, as you said it yourself, I too was afraid that it was going to make me gay.. that I would like it... But, I ended up trying (playing with a dildo on my own), even if it was just to find out what it was like, once in my life, and I have to say that, while my love and devotion to women has not changed a bit, I did ended up liking it. It was, like I said, exciting... and while I'm sure that my sexual preference has not changed... there is all of that psicological baggage that puts out a lot of pressure into the very essence of this act itself - How can this be OK?! How can this NOT be OK, when it feels OK?!

    It is, as it seems, a very complex cognitive conflict: something that, perhaps like any other touch (that without our interpretation is innocuous or in its essence just plain innocent), can bring about physical pleasure and, at the same time, psicological trauma or pain due to our way of thinking.
     
  6. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    i have to admit i find this very odd and id never want anything to do with it...though i just last weekend had a girl that stuck her fingers in my ass a little...not deep or anything...but i didnt stop her....it was while she was sucking my cock...

    and i was pretty drunk too....but nonetheless i didnt think much of it...it wasnt very exciting but wasnt something that bothered me....


    But as they say "everyone has at least a little homosexuality to them"


    And i would called it possibly a homosexual act...but not gay...an act doesnt make you gay. I mean for example i love kissing but doesnt mean i want to kiss a guy...things you do are one thing just depends on who they are with.
     
  7. cook74

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    If she went any deeper she might hit your little G spot :dgrin

    Seriously Pride, ask the girl to place her finger in further, you might like it (Just lube it first :brow)
     
  8. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    To be 100% honest...i dont even WANT to like it...and i am fully aware that it is narrow minded...but its ok im willing to live with that fact.
     
  9. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Dude, enjoying having a vibe in your butt is not something that is in any way gay or homosexual. It's a plastic, rubber, silicone, or whatever sex toy. If you got another dude's penis in your butt, that would likely qualify as homosexual or bi-sexual, although even that could be considered just experimenting if it was a first time, I suppose.

    A partner of mine (and I won't say which one) wife has plugged me with a small vibe before, and I liked it (although I do have to be in the mood for it). I've plugged her with a vibe too, and she liked it (but she also has to be really turned on and definitely in the mood for it). This partner and I tried anal sex too...she didn't like it (I'm a little too thick for her to comfortably accept, I think, and I certainly don't want to stretch anything of hers and harm her!). Since she didn't like it much, I didn't like it much either. I'd rather be in the front, and I'll stick a toy in the back if she wants me to.

    This partner asked if she could do me with a small vibe...I figured, "Hey why not? She likes it, I might like it too. Plus, I'd really like to know how it feels to her." I enjoyed her doing me with the vibe...I'm no longer a virgin! :lol And I'm definitely not gay...there's nothing wrong with enjoying some anal play...nothing at all.

    BD
     
  10. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Be careful to wash up. Before and after. Fingers that have been in there shouldn't touch any other orifices, including eyes, until a good soapy washing.
     
  11. Joe

    Joe
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    Ant_lion
    I can remember feeling just like you do. A friend of my late wife's sent her a life-like dildo years ago, and my wife wanted to try it on me. NO WAY! But then she started sticking a finger in there with a bj and it felt pretty damned good. Then we got one of those freebies with a larger order to Adam & Eve -- an Anal-T or something like that. It was a vibrator designed for anal use. I'd use it either as wife was giving me head or as we were having intercourse. I'll tell you what, when that first orgasm hit (with plug in and vibrator humming along) it was the most intense feeling I'd ever witnessed. We finally had 3 or 4 anal toys just for me.

    My current wife has the "too kinky" attitude about anal play for guys -- probably picked it up from her brothers as a kid.... Whatever... she thinks it's too far out there so we don't do it. But my feeling is that whatever feels good, do it. I love used to love it -- still would, but I'm as straight as they come.

    In case you didn't know, the prostate gland is in there right where a vibrator can reach it. You hit that with a little buzz as you reach your orgasm and the neighbors will hear you screaming. I highly recommend it. It will not make you gay, and it's not a homosexual act.
     
  12. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Ditto that! It won't make you gay, but it'll damn sure make you quite happy. :D

    BD
     
  13. Mr. G

    Mr. G Member

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    Homosexual act to me is something that involves two (or more) individuals of the same sex. So no matter what you do with your girlfriend there's nothing gay about it (unless you're fantasising about a man while doing it.. ;))

    This reminds me of some discussion that I've read concerning anal intercourse, where actually were people that claimed that if a man wants to enter his girlfriends anal it means that his actually gay and woman anal is just a substitute for a male anal. I think that most of you can agree with me that, that is just absurd. Not all enjoy equally about anal sex nor are willing to do it for a reason or other, but it definitely can be a part of normal heterosexual sex and it's exactly the same when it comes to a woman penetrating mans anal
     
  14. Bluesy

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    Seems to me that the root of the problem is culturally-ingrained homophobia. It's not your fault that society has led you to perceive anything remotely "gay" as a Bad Thing To Be Avoided At All Costs, but if you can learn to recognize the stigma for what it is and fight it, I think you'll be better off for throwing off the mantle of he-man heterosexuality. I mean, who really cares if the thought of a man penetrating you turns you on? I'm not equating anal play with homosexuality but rather saying, "Well, why give a flying fuck even if it does mean that on some level homoeroticism turns you on a bit?" I think the key here isn't programming yourself to disassociate anal penetration from sexual orientation, but learning to undo your learned bias against any activity that seems homo/bisexual in nature. So what if you did have bi leanings, would it really matter? If it did, why would it matter? Why is it important to reassure yourself that you're 100% hetero? It matters because society has taught you that being gay is Wrong. Well, fuck society. You can unlearn prejudices that operate on an unconscious level...it takes a little work, but it can most definitely be done. Learn to say, So what...it doesn't matter if I'm hetero or not-entirely-hetero or bisexual (and most research into this subject has found that very few people are 100% heterosexual). The problem here is fear of being anything less than 100% het, and that's what you should be addressing, IMO. Maybe you'll learn something new and interesting about your sexual orientation once you let go of the fear. Maybe not, but you'll never know until you try.
     
    #14 Bluesy, May 31, 2008
    Last edited: May 31, 2008
  15. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    My thoughts exactly, Blusey. When I read the OP's post I was struck by how deeply ingrained his fear or being perceived as gay seemed to be, and that fear needs to be dealt with first and foremost.

    To the OP: sexuality is much more complicated than "gay" and "straight." I know a lot of purely heterosexual men who are very much into anal play. One of my friends said, "it feels awesome." He has absolutely no interest in having sex with another man. It's just too bad that there are so many men are denying themselves this very great pleasure because they think it's gay and that being gay is somehow the worst thing imaginable to be.
     
  16. Dreama

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    As most everyone else has said, anal play does not equal gay.
     
  17. ant_lion

    ant_lion New Member

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    To Ms. Bluesy and Ms. Puss_in_boots,
    You are both very much right. The fear of being considered gay (or, perhaps, not entirely 100% hetero, as you may say, as in the he-man stereotype) is very strong in me, as it is in quite a lot of men, and is particularly present in this kind of sexual activity - for a man, anything anal, that is.

    Before anything else, i think there is one thing to note here: it is quite a different thing for a woman to be open to her bi side than it is for a man. Look at how our society is structured.. there is probably the same amount of lesbian movies as there is straight ones. It is quite a common thing today for two, or more, girls to have a photoshoot together... sometimes even touching eachother. The point is, in society's view, it is considered "pretty" or "sexy" and "exciting" (even for a woman) to see girls together. But that is quite different for men; it is, in this respect, perhaps even "repulsing" or "disgusting". So, that puts out even more pressure in the fear that us guys feel when doing things that are even just barely out of society's strict view in this regard. And i'm not talking just "bi" sides here or anything sexual in that manner... I'm saying that it is quite a battle for a man to be sensitive sometimes without being considered gay (which, in turn, is something completely out of hand by the eye of the majority).

    I know the last one by heart - pretty much all of the girls I've dated said that they were quite surprised by how sensitive I was and that I was very much different than they thought I would be. While most of them seemed to like that (pretty much, i suspect - the very few ones that I have allowed to come closer to me, at least) I have been considered gay (even by women) simply by being... well, sensitive. That is, just me.

    While I'm very much secure in my sexual orientation, that fear persists when I loose the "mantle" of the he-man heterosexual, like Bluesy said, and become somewhat vulnerable to express who I really am. I know what I want, and I know what I dont want - I have absolutely no interest in having any kind of sexual activity with men. I like girls... I love them!

    That said, it can be quite hard sometimes for me to take off the "he-man mantle" and, you know, just be a living sensitive entity... one that is allowed to feel, just as much as it is allowed to be. Like any other entity. With that in mind, you can imagine just how hard it is to do the things discussed on topic. In essence, I guess my "mantle" or my armor it's really heavy, being constantly toughen up along the years, for I have quite a difficult time letting people in.

    But anyway, thanks for all of the replies... You have all taken your precious time to give me sincere answers and that is "felt" and much appreciated.:)

    P.S. this is quite a nice forum indeed! One can have really interesting conversations here.
     
  18. suite91

    suite91 Member

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    I can only echo what others have said. Anal play does not equal gay. MY definition of homosexuality is an attraction to members of the same sex.

    My wife and I enjoy all sorts of "fringe" sexual activity and I too feel the conflict between what I enjoy (being fucked in the ass) and what "people" think (straight men don't like it in the ass). It's all in our heads and it's all BS. Do what you enjoy!
     
  19. Bluesy

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    Absolutely and appallingly true. The pressure on men in our society to be 100% het is disgusting and discriminatory.

    Of course, there is a fair amount of gay (male) porn, too...I would venture to say that there's actually more strictly gay porn than lesbian porn on the market, you just won't find it on the Playboy channel. There's typically a special section set aside for "gay" porn on adult etailer sites, but lez porn is usually included with the "straight" stuff. (More discrimination! Why should etailers have to segregate the gay from the straight porn so as not to offend hetero male eyes? It's shameful.)

    Ah, but, my dear, there are actually many women who find man-on-man action incredibly hot! Gay (male) porn parties among women are becoming an increasingly popular trend (particularly in Germany, for some odd reason). I fully believe that once we've put the homophobia behind us once and for good, you're going to find that most women enjoy the site of two lovely hunks gettin' it on. Culturally-ingrained homophobia (of the gay/bisexual male variety) affects women just as deeply...I am ever so grateful that I was able to get past it (I've had to deprogram myself of a few deeply-rooted patriarchal sexual prejudices).

    And that is a terrible shame! You can thank patriarchal culture for instilling these fallacious masculine stereotypes into little boys and girls and just generally fucking people up left and right. You have nothing but sympathy from me, luv.

    Hey, you are entitled to revel in the person you are without fear or shame, and I hope someday it will become a reality for you. If you want to discuss this further, you're welcome to PM me. Best wishes, sweetie.
     
  20. FlirtyChick

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    If you liked it, there is nothing wrong with it, and I urge you to try very hard to become as comfortable as you can with anal play. Sex is a wonderful thing, and need not be constrained to straight up missionary every time. The more my husband and I explore, play and try new things the better our sex life, and our relationship gets. You will be surprised at how many women are more than willing to help you in this area. I wish you the best, and hope that you get comfortable enough with your own sexuality to carry it out in the ways that best turn you on!:)