Trouble With Openess

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Polaris, Apr 26, 2012.

  1. Polaris

    Polaris New Member

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    Hi, I'm new here and really could use some advice please.

    Me and my wife are in our early forties. We're a happily married monogamous couple of eleven years. We never had as much sex as I was used to before her, but it's been enough to keep me satisfied, and I've never, ever, felt the urge to stray.

    Until recently, she was always sexually timid at best, and at worst, frigid to the point of heated arguments. She would never talk during sex, refused to role play (which I love), and blushed at 'dirty' words like cock, pussy, fucking, etc. She won't let me go down on her. She doesn't even think human genitalia is a turn on :(

    So here's my dilemma.

    My wife LOVES double penetration porn and always has. It's the only porn that excites her. But she simply shuts me down, refusing to even 'safely fantasize' with me about two guys 'hypothetically' fucking her, which, interestingly enough, is actually my only fantasy too. I have zero insecurities whatsoever about her straying if she did indeed get into the fantasy full on.

    When we watch DP porn, she get's extremely horny, yet is still very uncomfortable talking about, or being talked to about the action going on in the porn (and I'm a talker... so kinda sucks).

    The worst part is my sincere attempts to get her to open up about her baser nature (we're married, not dead). She usually dances around sexual issues altogether. But, over time she's eluded to the fact that yes, indeed, she'd enjoy being fucked by two guys at once.

    She even came harder than she ever had in her whole life (she told me afterward), during a sex story I told her while we had buzzed sex. I had her completely convinced that I was a new cock pounding her pussy, and right away her body warmed up and she relaxed her legs into a fully wide opened position for me to go deeper, faster, harder. Her rhythm even changed to something I didn't recognize.

    I'm no genius, but when I witness her climax harder while watching DP porn over just regular sex between us, it makes me think only one thing: she is secretly hiding her DP fantasies as best she can, but is simply afraid of hurting me somehow. The stupid thing is she knows it's my fantasy too.

    I just don't know... I'm pretty sure porn is designed to do draw your imagination in, but not everyone is the same, so, I have to give her the benefit of the doubt until she shows me different.

    So... to sum things up. I feel she's not being 100% honest with me. She's a good girl and I would never force her to do anything she wasn't comfortable with, but I never feel like we will ever be complete until she lets go of her fear.

    Any advice is appreciated, thanks.
     
  2. thunderseed

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    3 possibilities I can think of off the top of my head

    - Double penetration porn is something that excites her to watch but is not a fetish. She is completely uninterested in carrying it out in action and does not want anything to do with it in actuality, while you have a fetish/fantasy for it and really want to act it out either in imagination or real life. You don't have to want to do something just because it turns you on. Just because I get my rocks off by watching the discovery channel doesn't mean I want to turn into a hippopotamus. Get it? So in this case, she is not afraid, she simply doesn't like it in the same way that you do and feel that she should.

    - Perhaps she is afraid, I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion though, and then the question is why would she be? You say you have zero insecurities about her straying, is that true? Maybe she is afraid of hurting you because she knows what she could be capable of. I'm not meaning to say this to cause you any harm at all, but maybe her fantasy (if she has one at all) of double penetration does not involve you at all. Maybe it only turns her on to be with 2 men she does not know. Are you open to that possibility?

    - And then, perhaps it just goes against her morals and values. Maybe she doesn't think it is right. Maybe your marriage means something to her and she doesn't actually want to imagine or act on having sex with another guy because she feels it is wrong. Watching it on porn is not the same thing. In this case, this has nothing to do with a fear.
    Just because I am turned on by injuries doesn't mean I should act on it. And I know a lot of people can get into the cuckold fetish and it does not ruin the relationship, but you have to have two willing participants.

    If she's interested in double penetration have you ever used a toy in her ass or pussy the same time you fucked her? That might be a good start! It is hot!
     
    #2 thunderseed, Apr 26, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2012
  3. Polaris

    Polaris New Member

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    Thank you for the quick reply.

    I think you've hit the nail on the head with theories one and three.

    It's true that just because something may turn a person on, doesn't mean they have to (or even want to) act on it.

    She has told me that I'm the only man for her, and I know that to be fact. She's the only one for me as well.

    She actually cried once when I told a story about her and another guy having sex. That probably proves your point about morals and values.

    I think she probably just enjoys the DP porn, but in reality, she couldn't ever do it in real life. She's made that clear on a few occasions.

    Thank you for your perspective. Makes this new day a bit brighter and less confusing.
     
  4. China

    China New Member

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    Try you and a dildo. Sounds like that would work best for her.
     
  5. Polaris

    Polaris New Member

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    Already ordered one. Fucking thing has been on back order for two months.
     
  6. China

    China New Member

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    Hope its one of those realistic feeling ones 7.5 x 5.5, I've got one of those it's great, vibrates too :D
     
  7. routabout

    routabout New Member

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    I always wanted to have two cocks in my wife. It I could not bear the thought of another man in her and she was the same so we bought some vibrators & dildos which we use on her.

    That way she gets DP but without the moral dilemma.

    Good luck and I hope it all works out.