Trouble staying hard

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by JMOrem, May 9, 2015.

  1. JMOrem

    JMOrem New Member

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    Hello all,

    I am a early cummer.. and have trouble getting hard afterwords. I'm 23, my girlfriend is 30. We enjoy our sex and I have been able to make her orgasm on multiple occasions however I cant last more than about 30 seconds the majority of the time. After I cum, I cant get hard for another 30 minutes by then the mood is gone.

    After I cum I try to keep going so she can reach her orgasm but I get soft and it slips right on out, its getting frustrating for her.

    I have tried several OTC vitamins for sexual performance and nothing seems to work. Any ideas what can help me last longer, and stay hard?
     
  2. BlueCollar

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    Edging helps. I recommend that first.
    And some other tips:
    Get plenty of rest- 8 hours a night
    Take the vitamins seriously
    If you smoke cigarettes, stop
    If you are overweight, lose some weight.
    These are things recommended to males with getting/keeping erections. They're also supposed to help keep your sex drive up. They sound basic but speaking from experience, the basics are the best routes sometimes.
    Hope this helps, welcome to SF by the way. Enjoi yourself.
     
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  3. JMOrem

    JMOrem New Member

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    I get plenty of rest, don't smoke. Far from over weight and take the vitamins regularly.

    What is edging?
     
  4. 10_3XL

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    Edging is masturbating or otherwise stimulating yourself to the "almost" point of arousal (translation: getting yourself to that point right before you orgasm and cum). By doing a sort of interval training of getting yourself to the edge and then calming down and then back and so on -- you can get a marked increase in your endurance. It takes awhile, the results aren't immediate, but it's well worth it.

    Another thing to do coupled with edging is kegel exercises (yes, men can do these, too). Doing a very simple flex-hold-relax routine with your kegel muscles will also help in the erection department. Again, takes time, energy, effort, and dedication on your part - but is well worth it once the results start to manifest.

    Or, of course, you could always try using a numbing/desensitizing gel, spray, or lubricant. Don't go cheap with these, though, because some will rub off on her and kill her stimulation as well as your own.

    Final option I can think of would be to use a cock ring or other "performance enhancer" and power on through, even if you do cum prematurely/very quickly.
     
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  5. Alwayslearningsex

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    Edging is a very favorite pleasure of mine and you can do it with intercourse, HJ, oral, titfuck.
    The thing is you need an understanding partner especially for intercourse.
    You do your thing until you are close to ejaculate ..... NOT orgasm, there is a difference .... then you stop so you don't ejaculate.
    When the urge to ejaculate goes away you resume. You need self control, the willingness to slow down even if faster feels more intense.
    Each time you stop, you are having an orgasm by the way.
    The advantage for going slow is that you can get closer to the point of no return .... OMG it feels so good.
    Sometimes you may have a small amount of semen, sometimes you don't.
    Doing the edging, you repeat the stop and go as many times as you like - I had a 45 minute BJ for example, and had 9 or 10 orgasms, 3 of them with a small amount of semen coming out. This is a way to learn control, build more "tolerance" and fight premature ejaculation.
    Other advantages is a stronger final orgasm when you finally let it go, another one may be to have more semen come out, but the main one for me is more intense and longer.
     
  6. arugula

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    Dude, your problem here is not getting hard after climax: 30" is an average refractory period. Your problem is premature ejaculation. Google it and work on that first.
     
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  7. Alwayslearningsex

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    You are lucky compared to some other guys, it takes me a lot longer to get full erection after, of course you are younger now.
    There are other ways to please my friend that I use - hands, oral. She sucks and strokes me A LOT to get me hard again sooner and often she will orgasm from it but I don't always do, I will lose it. Not from lack of desire, just age and how a person is.
    If you are open, you can use dildos or vibrators as well, I find them an addition to my hands because I feel and know what I touch that gets her to go nuts. It helps knowing how to use those toys. Be very imaginative how you explore her and it will be very rewarding.
    That's been my experience anyway, pleasuring makes me as happy as receiving.

    Last, if you do other things before going inside her, she gets more aroused, possibly get her closer to orgasm by the time you slide in.
     
  8. Cappy_Dick

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    While yours seems to be a regular issue and you should work on solving that first, premature ejaculation is a problem most men experience at times. This is one of many reasons I have always believed in "ladies first". I have always made sure that the woman cums before things move to penetrative sex. The one exception to this was one partner I had that had no interest in giving or receiving any kind of foreplay. Her not cumming was never an issue. She had a huge clit that was rubbed fully by every stroke, so usually got off more than once, even in a short session.

    Ladies first has always been my policy. Some women simply don't orgasm from penetrative sex. Why, I don't know. It's not a problem with size or technique with me. Many who hadn't before, did with me. Some for whatever reason don't.

    xx
     
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  9. lbushwalker

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    I totally agree with the others, edging is the solution.
    Once you have control over your tools then you can a far better job.
    The idea is to halt movement as soon as you start to approach the point of no return and after a while it is quite easy to master and so stay rigid longer and give you lady her just dues but in addition it also increases immensely your own pleasures in time and intensity .
    Win, win situation!
     
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  10. Clintriprock

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    Premature ejaculation is all mental. You want to concentrate on giving your partner pleasure for as long as possible. I'm sure you're concentrating so hard on not cumming that you make it happen.
     
  11. MarkJ420

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    Edging is the best way man. Yep.

    The guy above speaks sum sense too.
     
  12. 12barblues

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    It goes beyond edging.. There is a book out there (probably several by now, as it was years ago that I read it) can't remember the exact title . Something like " male multiple orgasm " with a subtitle to the effect of " how to last all nite"., the two go hand in hand. The book will teach you how to seperate orgasm from ejaculation. And help with the ability to control your own body..and as 10xl said, kegals have much to do with it as well...
     
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  13. Barent

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    The book that you are referring to may be, The Multi-Orgasmic Male, by Mantek Chia and Douglas Abrams Avra, which I own. It's a good book, read it a while ago, and learned a few things. It's been around for almost 20 years, still in print, different cover than my (older) copy, and available. Amazon has it new, also on kindle, and there are used copies as well.
     
  14. 12barblues

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    You may be right .. I think I still have it here somewhere.. Lol
     
  15. MarkJ420

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    True. That separation has happened to me but i confess i didn't practice that specifically separating orgasms from ejaculating. Ive had sensation of orgasm with out ejaculating its possible to have a few of those before eventually cumming. Edging helps overall that i have practiced.

    The mind is certainly capable of skills we don't all realize. As every expert will always say sex is in the brain/sex starts from the brain.
     
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  16. 12barblues

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    Yep, and for me, if I give myself a couple of orgasms prior to ejaculating, during the act of intercourse, I'll find tht at that point, I am in complete control of my ejaculation. I can go for two hours or two minutes. Whatever is best for her. But the trick for me is to get those first orgasms w/out ejaculation. Which I can't always do. I guess I needed to study the book more.. Lol
     
  17. MarkJ420

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    Yeah it cant always be done lol Just like anything really your mind an body has to be on its top game to perform its best. Even if you have practiced something. Such as make sure you're not to stressed.. had enough sleep.. ate properly.. hydrated properly all that lol

    And also like about anything.. the more you do it sex/masturbation the better you'll do and the less it takes out of you.
    Just like the guy who can run regular marathons.. to us that will look.. what no wayy lol But to him its obviously tough still but it will be kinda second nature too.
     
  18. Alwayslearningsex

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    Maybe what you really need is more practice ;)
     
  19. 12barblues

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    Naw, I just went the way of Luke Skywalker and ran off before my training was done... And now I just "do, or do not"... Lol
     
  20. cbrmale

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    I read that book a long time ago and sometimes it worked for me and sometimes it didn't. When I moved interstate I noticed there were Tantric workshops for men not so far away in Sydney so I booked myself in with my wife's permission. One-on-one with a beautiful Tantric Goddess I had the techniques mastered in two out of the four lessons. But we kept on going anyway, and what I couldn't master with a book I was able to easily master one-on-one with a woman who knew what it was about. There are a few techniques men can use beyond multiple orgasms, and I don't normally bother with multiples because the other techniques are easier. I use sexual energy recirculation which gives you unlimited staying power and a bigger orgasm at the end. I have never read about sexual energy recirculation, but it is easy and it's very effective.

    Whatever techniques you use in this sphere of neo-Tantra it's helpful if not essential to learn mediation first, because many of these sexual techniques are closely related to what you do when meditating. Sexual energy recirculation is similar to creative visualisation in meditation.

    These Sydney workshops are unique and the Goddess is actually a registered sex worker, although she isn't a prostitute per se. But you do get naked and sexual together so you would need to live where the sex industry is legal. This is why I got my wife's permission first.
     
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