Trouble getting erection on first night with girl

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by jayeflash, Jul 23, 2010.

  1. jayeflash

    jayeflash New Member

    Jul 23, 2010
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    OK I did a thread check on this and there was't anything SPECIFICALLY related to the issue of FIRST NIGHT with a girl, erection wise, which is where my problem lays. Posting it here as well as Ask A Girl as I think that this is a Guy problem that needs help from Guys as well as Girls. (Sigh, overcategories.)

    Whenever I am in bed with a girl for out first time together I find it hard to get an erection, I basically many times have NOT got hard, and that opportunity for sex has gotten away from me. Now these instances have been basically the only night we have been in bed together, whether a one night stand or what I thought was gonna be the first of many nights with a girlfriend.

    I have problems here which I hope you guys can help with.

    I have no trouble getting an erection with a girlfriend once I have started to sleep with them, it isn't the first night obviously and I've become comfortable with them. So that's not the issue. The FIRST NIGHT is the problem.

    I've had this problem in the past but it is only until recently that I met a girl who I thought there might be a relationship with. We ended up in bed together on the first date (we met twice before though). Played about in bed, my dick refused to get hard. We stopped seeing each other a while later for many reasons why people do.

    Yet I can't help but think that my poorformance in bed dick wise had something to do with this. Now she was very forward flirt wise and is a pushy person when it comes to anything physical. She makes the move to snog with me all the time for one thing. I all gives me the POSSIBLE impression that she might have been pushing for sex on the first night, a bit of a nymphomaniac or sex crazed person MAY have been inside her. The way she would talk about sexual things quite openly or shockingly forward etc gives me this impression.

    So I think me not giving her what she wanted in bed was part of why we 'split up' or didn't become a proper boyfriend/girlfriend.

    So enough is enough. I am sick and tired of not getting hard with a girl on the first night. Why is this? I admit I get scared, I get nervous, when I'm with her or with another girl on the first night, I actually want them to tell me to stop when we are playing about foreplaying. Sometimes I'm like "I want to fuck her, just not now". Or I'm not in the mood properly, not sexually up for it or excited. Or if it' late at night and we've been drinking, I'm simply tired.

    But mostly it's nerves. OK - FEAR. What many problems we have in life are about - Fear. I'm scared of many things, how'll perform etc. I also find it hard to get an erection if I'm not relaxed because of the mental connection we have. I'm not at ease with her because of how we 'connect'. A bit intimidated that this girl is a sex mad expert and demands more than I can give and if not, she'll kick me out of bed. Or the nearest thing, stop what we're doing an sleep, and then not want me to see her again - "He's shit in bed".

    This could be for all girls we're talking about here.

    But yeah, there it is, I've got many barriers in my way stopping me from getting a hard on. I am going though my mind of how to get through them, ow my attitude in bed needs to change or how my sexual persona needs to change, become more dominant etc but get turned on by it.

    I've called some advice lines and seen a sexual health doctor who is arranging me to see an Expert of Erection problems, but heh I still need more help from you guys.

    I blame myself for so many things why me and the recent girl stopped seeing each other (it was her call) and my poorformance in bed was one of them. She basically said that it wasn't, but I don't believe her. I'm cynical about girls but that don't mean I'm wrong about them. I think Mr Floppy Face was a contributing factor.

    Now I know you may say that this is a common problem, don't blame the girl(s) for thinking this and that or that they should have even helped me get hard in bed more etc. I. don't. CARE! I just want, I NEED help, getting to the heart of this problem and stopping it from ever happening again.

    I need to get hard with whoever I'm in bed with, whether I even fancy them or not, and get past ANY problem that stops me from getting an erection. I've lost between 5-10 shags 'cos of this problem and me being a disappointment to girls that I really like, that's something I REFUSE to forgive myself for.

    So, any help, please tell me people. You've all been great in discussion with other guys, and I really think you're the ones that are gonna help me solve this the best. So I'd really love to hear from you.
  2. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Sep 26, 2006
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    There are a lot of threads based around the problems of performance anxiety, which is what you have. Do so more searching and you should find some good information to help you. Also use Google, as there will be some hints and tips there as well.

    I was and still am pretty relaxed and comfortable with a new partner. I do my best, and I cannot do anymore than that. I am currently in a new relationship with a married woman, and we're having a wonderful time. She didn't score me out of ten first time around, but I knew that it would take a couple of sessions together before we got really in synch with one-another. Remember that she's used to her husband of 30 years, so I'm never going to know her as well as him, first-time. But that's not why we're together.

    So your performance is in your mind: be relaxed, be confident that you will get hard, do it the way you normally do, and remember that the first time with a new partner is often awkward, but that's expected by most women.