[Ask a Girl] Totally annoyed

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by WinterC, Nov 27, 2012.

  1. WinterC

    WinterC New Member

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    My wife and I have a pretty decent sex life, except for whenever she gets stressed out or we argue she masturbates a lot. she tells me if I want to have sex with her to let her know and we can , but that seems so impersonal to me. I'm totally put off by the fact that she would rather masturbate than have sex; am I a jerk for not letting her self please?
     
  2. PDone7

    PDone7 Member

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    My man,

    My girl has very similar episodes except that she does not let on whether she masturbates or not. My girl works really hard and her job is demanding. She is often 'too tired'. I work part-time [about half] and look after our three small children. It is really difficult not to get annoyed with her. You could try engaging with her masturbation. I have got a few private pictures of my girl with her fingers in her pussy. I try hard to remember that quality sex sometimes has to wait.

    Good luck.

    PD.:)
     
  3. WinterC

    WinterC New Member

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    I've done that but whenever we get into a heated argument she shuts me out and dies her own thing. I'm pretty patient with her but it geeks like she continues on just to annoy me
     
  4. Dragon_Fire

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    It's very very very hard for a woman to enjoy sex when her feelings have been hurt, especially with the person who has offended her.

    Masturbation is a great de-stresser.

    I really can't understand why you have a problem with this.
     
  5. WinterC

    WinterC New Member

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    So her stress is more important than our togetherness and relationship?
     
  6. Mittimer

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    Yes, if you have pissed off and are in a heated argument, her having time to herself to masturbate and calm down is more important then pleasing you.

    What makes you think that if she is angry and arguing with you that she will want to have sex with you? You are making it seem more like an obligation and chore then a personal time together.
     
  7. WinterC

    WinterC New Member

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    Is it beyond the realm if possibility that i had nothing to do with her stress? I find it odd that both the responses i got from women automatically attached blame to me.
     
  8. WinterC

    WinterC New Member

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    In addition, if we argue, I'm already not expecting to be having sex, but for her to be laying next to me playing with herself is not a reasonable solution
     
  9. Silverback

    Silverback Member

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    My wife gets very stressed quite often and when she does the last thing she wants is sex. I'd suggest talking about it or ... this might blow your mind ... be nice to her. If she is stressed talk her stress through with her, let her vent, run a bath, make her a brew, cook dinner. I don't think Mitt and Dragon Fire are unreasonable in their responses, in fact I'd say they are spot on. Just because you're married it doesn't put your wife at your beckon call. Whilst telling your wife you want sex feels inpersonal to you have you considered for her having sex while stressed angry or tired might be unpleasurable or even painful for her? Be what your wife needs and she may feel more inclined to see to your needs.
     
  10. Mittimer

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    I never stated that her stress was because of you. I made a comment on the arguments and such.

    If she wants to masturbate, then she can. There's nothing wrong with that. However, it may be in poor taste that she's denying sex and masturbating next to you.

    One thing that you need to realize is that there is a HUGE difference between having sex and masturbating.

    When having sex you are constantly worried about the other person, getting them off, making sure you're doing something just right, making sure this and that feels good.. With masturbation, it's just about you. You can take the few minutes to just worry about you and allow all the stress of the day to melt away.

    Can you explain exactly where there is such an issue with her getting herself off? Is it just that she's not having sex with you? That she's masturbating? That she's doing it beside you? Or is there a bit more to it that you aren't telling us?
     
  11. boobjob

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    Sometimes it helps to take sex out of the equation. Especially after an argument. If she is stressed maybe you can facilitae her self pleasure. Buy some bath salts and candles. Run a bath for her and light some candles. Tell her that you want her to be comfortable and that you are going to give her some space. Try to take care of something around the house that causes her stress whether it be bills or cleaning or taking care of the kids. Tell her you love her and you want her to be happy. Tell her the kids need her to be happy. Put her happiness first in sexual and non sexual situations and very often you will find that she becomes more receptive to pleasing you also.
     
  12. ISOParadiseCity

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    I think the masturbating in bed next to you is a bit much.
    But, if I was you, I would try to destress her. Like others have posted, talk, get some nice bath salts/shampoos/ etc. Candles, food, chocolate, flowers, what ever works for HER.
    Sounds like when she is stressed, you still want sex. If you want sex, then you have to work harder for it in the more difficult times. I don' know how old you are, but as you get older, you will have less sex (gasp), and you will look back at these times and chuckle about how often you DID have sex.
    If there is no distressing her, but she offered that she will have sex whenever, but you feel it's impersonnal, then maybe YOU need to change, and take advantage more of the times she ISN'T stressed.
    If ya know what I mean....
     
  13. Dragon_Fire

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    Since you said it was in relation to arguments, I answered accordingly. I don't know about you but it is darn near impossible to have an argument with a loved one and not be stressed about it.

    Now, the fact that I am a woman had nothing to do with it so please don't be so sexist about it next time.
     
  14. lbushwalker

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    Mitt is correct again.
    Stress is just a sex killer yet a quick orgasm a stress reliever and that goes for both sexes.
    WinterC with the greatest respect you need to understand that and instead of being resentful try being sensitive to her needs before thinking of your own.
    In your place when she masturbates or soon after I would be massaging her tight wound up neck and shoulder muscles. Show her you care, give some TLC but do it genuinely not just as means to your own end. Women in general take a lot longer to get in the mood for lovemaking than us guys but once there stay in that space for a lot longer.
    This is a case of the boot being on the other foot as many wives have to contend with a stressed husband when he returns home from a high pressure job situation.
     
  15. 12barblues

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    This seems like a simple one to me....if wife says " Im in a stressed mood, and i think I just wanna lay here and go at myself"....I would just say " ok, sounds good, me too" ....what's the problem? I mean, if I look over at her and she's got a couple of fingers in herself, an erection would just be a reflex action so I might as well do something with it.....
    I'll live to fuck another day......:D