Torn between two guys....

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Shellen77, Jan 11, 2004.

  1. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    I usually don't post much about my current situations but I'm hoping that maybe you guys & gals could give me a little advice.

    I've never been much for dating & since I'm fairly new on the dating scene again, I'm a little rusty. I started seeing a guy back in October...we've went out a few times but we talk quite a bit. Everything was great between us, but our schedules were quite different from each other so it was hard to get together. We both agreed that we could date other people since it wasn't an exclusive thing. Well last weekend, I went on a date with a new guy. Everything between us was really great & happened to go out again last night. He wants a serious relationship where I really don't know what I want right now. I'm right in the middle of a big career move, so it really isn't fair to that other person but yet if it happens, I'm not against it completely.
    Well the first guy "B" asked what I did last weekend & I told him I went out on a date. He seemed a little jealous about it, but seemed ok for the most part. The other guy "J" doesn't know about "B" & I'm not sure how to tell him about him since just after 2 dates he seems rather attached. Both guys have great qualities & there is great potential for both...so I'm totally torn between the two. The only thing that I don't like about "J" is that he HATES my company that I work for & is quite vocal about it. I don't think I can deal with that on a long term basis, but everything else is wonderful. On the other hand, "B" is not necessarily looking to settle down or even want to be in a relationship right now but I'm not completely sure about that since he seemed jealous.

    I think that by choosing one or the other will end up hurting one of them & I just hate that....it hurts me to hurt others. I should have known better than to date more than one person at a time...it just makes everything so damn complicated. It would be different if I was just looking for a FWB or FB, but I'm not...even though I slept with both of them. And that of course just makes things even more complicated!

    Any suggestions or advice? Thanks!
     
  2. tsukassa

    tsukassa New Member

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    well shellen being a guy i can tell you that most honest nice guys want the same that you do and that is the truth to be told. so if you dont tell "b" about "j" soon and if he finds out as things progress between you to, that is if you really take an interest to him and you guys get serious, and he finds out it will be a lot more severe that way versus if you tell him now he will understand more. as for the two guys thet both seem to be nice but all i can say is that time will tell you who you want to be with. you stated you are new at the dating scene again? then my advice to you is to take things slow and dont pressure anything on to your situation. as time goes on you will be able to distinguish who you like better. you should take things a bit slower and let your heart tell you what feels right. all i can say is that your heart will let you know what feels right you just hav to trust in yourself and things will work out. hope this helps. p.s. good luck with the career move!
     
  3. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    Thanks so much T! I've decided to invite "J" over sometime this week & I'll tell him what is going on. I'm just really torn between the two...but yet I need to focus really hard on my career right now. A lot will be happening in the next month with my career which might involve me moving (they both know all about that though). It's just so weird for me...I've never felt this way about two guys, but I've never been in a situation where I was seeing two guys at the same time either.
    Thanks again!
     
  4. tsukassa

    tsukassa New Member

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    no problem
     
  5. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    I thought I'd give you an update...well, somewhat of an update. I ended up breaking things off with "J" on Saturday. He was none too thrilled about it, but I had to break it off. I just can't handle someone who doesn't like the company that I work for. I've worked too damn long & hard (10 long years!) to make it big in this company and I just can't deal with someone who openly bashes it all the time. Plus, I found myself falling more for "B" lately too. I talk to him quite often & we discuss our dating lifes with each other. He knew that I was dating more than just one person & he was ok with that, but lately he's been hinting around with me about wanting more than just a casual relationship. I'm all for it but I just wish he'd quit hemhawing around. I can see why he might hesitate to jump into anything since I'll be moving once again in a few short weeks. Looks like we'll be close to 100 miles apart which will suck terribly, but we're already 50+ miles apart now. So, I don't know what will happen with this but I'm hoping for the best.

    Well, that's about it....just thought I'd update the situation for ya!:D
     
  6. tsukassa

    tsukassa New Member

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    ty and you followed your heart thats all you could do and it steared you into the arms of the right man. good luck i am glad it worked out so well you deserve it. im here any time shellen good bye ttfn ,tsukassa
     
  7. tsukassa

    tsukassa New Member

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    btw i like the "T" thing lol its cool
     
  8. Da_Vamp

    Da_Vamp New Member

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    If it's meant to be, it surely will..NO distance will keep you apart! there was 5000 miles between me and my hubby. He bought me a ticket, I packed 2 suitcases and a carry on and here I am! 5 years later HAPPIER than I've EVER been!

    :) Good Luck,
    Vampie
     
  9. JamieAllen

    JamieAllen New Member

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    Something that you don't seem to have taken into consideration, Shellen77, is that "J" became attached to you after only two dates. Sure, this may be flattering to you, but it's also an early warning sign...maybe he's either hard-up for a relationship (which might indicate a character flaw that has prevented him from keeping a steady partner in the past), or perhaps he's the overly possessive type, which is usually bad news no matter how you look at it. In any case, it's probably best that you dumped him.

    To your credit, another good indicator that "J" may be a bit too petty and immature is the fact that he hates the company you work for. I mean, there are companies that make products/do things in which I, personally, have no interest, but I can't say that I "hate" any company to the point of becoming vocal about it.