Too Young For These Problems?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by mkm, Nov 19, 2007.

  1. mkm

    mkm New Member

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    Sorry I haven't been posting more on this site. I usually just ghost around the board looking at stuff and getting information on various sex stuff. So im hoping since im a newb here I can still get some good advice.

    This might be a long summary really but please read.

    I'm a 19 year old male who was a virgin until about a month ago. When I state virgin i mean the most I ever did with a girl was french kiss and grab her butt. I have seen a lot of porn so im not unfamiliar with sex, and i think i have a good understanding of how it all works.

    I met a girl through a mutual friend and we began talking online and on the phone. We hit it off really well. We started talking for about two weeks before I finally met her. We had a lot of sexual tension a few days before we met so we kinda rushed and had Sex the first time we met.

    Since I was a virgin I thought I would have been nervous. The only thing I was worried about was what she thought of my penis since no one besides me ever saw it. That wasn't the issue at all. The problem that occured was I wasn't getting really hard. Some how we managed to have intercourse with my half hard penis but I never came close to achieving orgasm. I was wearing a condom and thought that maybe it had something to do with my lack of erection. So i bought a thinner kind and it felt slightly better but still no end result. I have to wear one because she can't take the pill and its safer. I don't want a child this young yet.

    That was the first encounter. The second encounter was this past weekend. I didn't even make it that far. I was hoping Oral would have perked me up a bit but it really only made me softer. The only way I achieved orgasm was when she gave me a handjob which took a while to get me off too.

    Its not like my girlfriend is unattractive or bad at this. I enjoy the feelings of touching and what she's doing but I just can't seem to get really into it. I feel like neutral during the whole thing. She is getting really into it and I feel lame since I'm not that into it.

    I never get the feeling of me being horny around her. I don't know if its because Im so use to not feeling like that around girls or what. I have no problems pleasing her but I just can't seem to keep an erection. I'm only 19 and idk what to do. She feels that its her fault and that she's doing something wrong. She is willing to work with me but i just don't know how.

    I know I can get off but something just isn't right for me. I'm hoping sex isn't always going to be like this. I feel awkward losing my erection when I shouldn't be.

    Any help at all would be great. If i need to clear anything up as well, just let me know.
     
  2. cbrmale

    Gold Member

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    Psychological anxiety about obtaining and keeping an erection becomes self-fulfilling. If you worry about your erection, your body is flooded with a fear response and you will almost certainly lose your erection. And having lost it when you didn't want to, future encounters will see you worry and so it goes on.

    Remember how hard you get during masturbation, and it's pretty impressive. When you are with your girlfriend, remember there's no difference, you're going to get just as hard with her as you do on your own. Physically there IS no difference. If you mind wanders, bring it back, say 'no' to wandering thoughts and concentrate on how hard you know you can be.

    And don't worry about size, you're probably average, and average is good to most girls. Sometimes too big is bad, sometimes it is very awkward.

    Finally, there is a lot written about sex and relationships, but sex is just good fun! Sure you can be in love with a soulmate, but you can have just as much fun with a friend. Don't feel at all guilty that you don't love her and she doesn't love you. Instead use this wonderful opportunity as a learning experience, and use it for some good clean fun. I've had some great sex with friends I didn't love, and those sexual experiences remain etched in my mind with very positive feelings.
     
  3. Morgan

    Morgan New Member

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    I totally agree with what cbrmale has said. If you start freaking out about not getting an erection, you're going to condition yourself into the very thing you're worried about. You'll start associating sex with bad feelings, which will just become a cycle because that very association is what will make the sex not go right.

    It's very often the case that when we stop worrying about a particular problem, that's exactly when the problem fixes itself. Tell your friend, "I don't know why I haven't been getting an erection, but it has nothing to do with you. You're great. It's just something that'll fix itself after a little while. In the meantime, let's not worry about it and just have fun together..." Just enjoy being naked together and engaging in foreplay and whatnot.

    At your age, the issue is probably that you're just not comfortable with it in your head yet. But you'll get over that soon. You just have to wait it out and believe that you'll be fine. Don't sweat it, just have fun.
     
  4. AnonymousOne

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    Sex is as much a state of mental relaxation as it is sexual release. Nerves are more than typical your first time. Calm down champ and all will be well.
     
  5. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    There are a lot of potential issues here and it is difficult to sort through them all. My first question before you were intimate with her did you drink alcohol and / or take drugs,(prescription medication or illegal), including pot? If so, that is most likely where you issue lies. Drugs, some prescription medications, and alcohol either seperately or together can have a big impact on male performance issues. If not then you need to consider other explainations. Other explainations includes 'stress', your relationship with her, and potential other issues such as physical explainations.

    At least for me my starting point would be taking things slow and building up your relationship with her by letting things happen naturally. Some people just cannot have sex without 'knowing someone' and there is nothing wrong with that. Take her out, have a nice conversation, and get to know one another. As you do this you will begin to build up a relationship with her and you will begin to get to know her. Hopefully this will improve things in the bedroom and help you sort out your feelings about her. While you are learning about her take time to learn to relax and find an outlet for your 'stress'. Maybe going for walks, excercising, or finding an artistic outlet can help with that. If after a period of a few months you still find things have not improved then my recommendation would be taking a look at other explanations such as physical and taking a closer look at your relationship with her.
     
  6. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    My boyfriend sometimes/most times goes small when im sucking him off... altho i can tell he likes it from his moans (hes too honest to fake anything lol) I play with his balls... and when im using my hand a bit i squeeze the bottom of his penis which makes it harder... We don't know why he goes soft but i am his first blowjob giver. lol && we figured because sometimes its too intence for him his penis goes soft to numb it a bit...

    Anyhow its getting better with practise... i think u may have rushed it too fast.
    Work up toit
    kiss, cuddle, kiss more, feel a bit... i mean to get you horny this could take a few days at first... (not doing it constant obv) but u need to slow down... experiance the actually feeling.. Sex isnt intercouse alone remember tht.
     
  7. ctown75

    ctown75 New Member

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    concentrate on her and it will happen

    While you are in the process of getting hard give your girl oral pleasure and play with yourself while you are doing it,because by the time you get here off you will be nice and hard and she will think you are a very caring lover for getting her off first.If you have studied up on your sex like you said then you know that most women do not cum by penetration alone you get those fingers working also and explore her body with you mouth.
     
  8. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

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    Yeah, your mind is your worst enemy. If she came back for more, or didn't giggle, then it isn't too small !

    Stop worrying about it. It's not like you can change it for a larger tool. Speaking as a man that is very average, I have never had a complaint. Pretend that it is a huge tool and pound that stuff. After all, it's all in the mind.

    Pretend you are a porn star and just have fun ! Confidence is the best aphrodisiac !

    Also ctown made a good point. I'll walk around the room stroking my dick as my wife gets ready for bed. She gets turned on when I play with myself, and then I get turned on that she gets turned on, you see where this is going.

    JUST HAVE FUN ! You're being too serious about it all.
     
  9. Barbwire

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    I don't have anything to add, but I do want to thank the people that have responded so thoughtfully. This thread has offered some of the soundest advice I've heard, and I think mkm is getting some great ideas here.

     
  10. mkm

    mkm New Member

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    Cowboy Lover beat me to it. I appreciate this so much. I did not take any Drugs or Drink alcohol before hand. I'm just so happy that my girlfriend is being so understandable through this. Hopefully by being patient and taking things slow I can get use to the sexual environment and be able to just go at it.

    When I was able to get semi hard and we had intercourse she said it was really good. So hopefully when i'm fully erect everything will be more amazing.

    Thanks again for your replies. I knew I would get some solid advice. I really care for her and despite me not obtaining a massive erection with her (i get one thinking of her) it feels right being with her. So I believe thats a good things.
     
  11. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

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    Cool !

    And that fact that you still have something to work with being partially erect puts you in the above-average class :)
     
  12. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    keep at it mkm it will pass soon.