[Ask a Guy] time to get Married?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Master9804, Sep 30, 2008.

  1. Master9804

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    Ok I have asked a few questions to the woman. I,ll throw the men a question.

    To the married men of the forum how did u know it was time to get married? What age do u think is right age to get married? Anyone here almost get married but backed out and what was the reasons?
     
  2. suite91

    suite91 Member

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    Well, we already had the love, the kids, the house, the jobs, thirty grand we weren't using...:eyes

    Seriously, so my wife could be Princess for a day. She really wanted a wedding. I'm very happy we did it. We both said we didn't need "a piece of paper" but somehow it is better knowing that we are officially bound (although having kids kind of superseded that anyway).
    Is there a right age to get married? I can't say. I will say is, Don't just get married for the sake of getting married. What meaning is there in that?
     
  3. Joe

    Joe
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    how did u know it was time to get married?
    The first time, when the draft notice came.
    The second time, when we both knew we'd never want to part anyway.
    Third time, when she said she wasn't going to stick around forever if we didn't.

    What age do u think is right age to get married?
    No particular age.

    Anyone here almost get married but backed out and what was the reasons?
    Yeah. I just didn't love her enough for that. Tough decision.
     
  4. igor

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    I don't know how I knew it was the right time. We were 21 - she was a Jr in college - still had a year to go. I was reasonably financially stable with college behind me and a steady job. I guess we had been together for about a year. I just felt like - if I don't love this one then I really don't know what love is, so I may as well do it. Now that I think back - we really were rather immature and lucky that things went as well as they did.
     
  5. Kanto

    Kanto Member

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    Right Time:

    1. I was with someone I loved for a long time (18 months or so). I didn't see our relationship diminishing anytime soon.

    2. I was fully financially independent of my parents.

    3. My means were such that I was able to take care of both myself and her.

    4. We both had clear ideas about our future (kids, living, etc).

    2, 3, and 4 happen to be the biggies when it comes to divorce. You're ready to get married when you know the chances of separation are at their lowest.
     
  6. cbrmale

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    I met someone who I felt a unique connection with compared to other girls I had known. The more we got to know each other over the next few weeks, the more I realised she was the one for me. After a whole six weeks I proposed, we were naked in my bed at the time. Because she was in my country on holidays it was then or never, and marriage was the only option. But beyond the legal issues I would have married her anyway, and I'm glad we got married.

    I was 27 and my wife was 24. I think this was a good age as I had seen some of the world and enjoyed myself, and I had also had the opportunity to understand who I was and gain an appreciation of who my ideal partner would be. I don't think men can be as self-reflecting at a younger age. To get married or move in together at an age much older than mid to late twenties is possibly less than ideal, because you have to unlearn old habits and learn to live closely with someone. Also with children, I think it's best to have children when you are both in your physical and mental prime. Not only is raising children hard work, there is the bonus that they grow and mature giving you as a couple an opportunity to explore and experiment while still healthy and fit to do so.
     
  7. eandvk

    eandvk Member

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    I was 34 when I married my wife,we met when I was 32....... we dated and lived together for a year and after I proposed it was almost a year til our wedding day. How did I know to ask her to marry me, she was different from all the other women Id been with, we have a bond that cant be explained,and shes everything I was desiring in a life partner, best friend, lover ....we have been happily married for 9 yrs. now.....

    From my perspective,no man should get married before his late 20s (28, and up)....I know I wasnt ready, and most men arent before then either, in fact, most of my friends who did get hitched before 28 are now divorced.
     
  8. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Tough questions. First, make sure you know the difference between love and lust. I think a lot of men marry a woman because they are "in lust" with her rather than "in love" with her, and I think a lot of women marry men because they have convinced themselves that they "love" the man because they "lust" for him. Lust can certainly lead to "love" as a deep emotional connection, but it doesn't always. If or when the lust fades, they end up getting a divorce because they didn't actually know and like the person, they just knew how well they fucked at one point in time.

    Is this person a "best friend" in one way or another? If you weren't having sex with them or lusting after them, would they be a good companion? If you "broke up" in terms of a sexual relationship, would you still like them so much as a person that you'd still want them as a friend, and they you? Are they someone that you can't help but respect and admire? Do you want to be more like them? Can you talk about anything (even things that are awkward) easily. Do you rush to each other's rescue when the other needs it? Do you feel like your relationship is fair and considerate? (Note here: the more selfish one in the relationship will *always* feel like everything's perfectly fair...so if you feel like everything's perfectly fair, make sure you ask your SO if they feel that way too! ;) Be prepared and don't punish them for an honest answer.) Oh yeah, can you both listen to something you might not want to hear without punishing the other for being open and honest, or without reacting in a way that makes them avoid being open and honest in the future? Do you put each other and your relationship first before yourselves and anyone else? And are you both willing to keep that perspective for your whole marriage? Will you both give in to each other if you see that something is important to the other? Do you both want to lift each other up and see each other happy? Do you love the person enough to let them go if you knew for a fact it would be what's best for them, even if it's the worst choice for you? Does the person mean enough to you that you could forgive any mistake or bad choice they might make? Do they feel the same way about you? Do you put your relationship with this person first anytime that you can? Do you agree on your views around kids, finances, retirement, etc.? Do your temperaments jive well together or complement each other? Do you feel like you are stronger as a couple than you are individually? When you are angry as hell at this person, do you still feel like you love them?

    Now, I think we are defined as a person by who we are at our worst rather than who we are at our best. Are you totally lovable at your best? (Don't raise your hands so quickly...all of us are.) Are you still totally lovable at your worst? (Tougher question, eh?) At your best is when you'll both be quite happy. Folks get divorced when they are both at their worst, I think. When you are both at your worst, do you still pick each other up and dust each other off. (This doesn't mean "do you not have arguments"...all couples have heated discussions, disagreements, or arguments OR they tuck it away and let it fester and explode later.) If you are in a downward spiral as a couple, do both of you work to kick yourselves out of the downward spiral, or do you both give up?

    Now, put the lust back in...if can't wait to get your hands on this person, can you imagine ever not feeling that way? If he or she gained 100 lbs, would you still lust after them? If the lust did fade, would you and the other person both be willing to put the necessary work into it to rekindle the flame, without blaming each other for anything? If one or both of you needed to lose 100 lbs to rekindle the lust, would you put the work into it to do that for yourself, your partner, and your relationship? (Or any other change necessary...weight just seemed like a good example.) Ten years from now, will you still be willing to pursue and seduce this person, almost like you are still dating?

    If the answer to all these questions are "yes", maybe you should get married. :lol Even when everything's right, it still takes a lot of work. You wouldn't buy a house and expect to never have to paint it or mow the grass, you wouldn't buy a car and expect to never buy tires or change the oil. Don't expect your relationship to not require maintenance (and not just fixing broken things, preventative maintenance too!) because it does if it's going to work.

    The most common dating advice is "to find the one, be the one". (Essentially, be the kind of person you would like to be with, and do the right things yourself...it'll fall into place.) I've never seen this said but it damn sure should be: "to keep the one, stay the one". (Keep being the kind of person that you'd like to be with, and keep doing the right things, and it will continue to fall into place. Sometimes the "right things" may change, so you'll have to adapt.)

    BD
     
  9. wawoo

    wawoo New Member

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    I am not married. And I should do it a long time ago when I had a lovely girlfriend. I regret that I started a tough career, It took so much of my time to pass a series of professional exams. I don't have time for a girl friend now. But I can answer your question right now. Everybody has shortcomings, I will marry a girl if I love her so much and her shortcomings become invisible or harmless to me.
     
  10. Joe

    Joe
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    That is a very good response. If you're lucky your love will grow to the point that you actually love your partner's shortcomings, simply because it's a part of who she/he is. It can happen. In all honesty, I've only felt that way once, with my late wife. At times I've thought I was approaching that with my current wife, but I'm not quite there yet. Maybe someday; I'm close, and I know it's up to me to get to that point.

    "Shortcomings" are in our mind. They may be shortcomings to us but not to others. Once we stop wishing our partner would conform to what we see as perfect and accept and love her/him for exactly who she/he is, we're in position for a long and happy relationship.
     
  11. Master9804

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    Thanks for all the replies. Woo Long one from Bassdude but made a lot of sense.
     
  12. hotbabe28

    hotbabe28 New Member

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    Just wanted to bring this back to the page
     
  13. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

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    When you no longer have to ask if you should marry her. You have not doubt that you would do anything for her, and want to grow old with her.

    When you understand that she is human just like you. Look at youself and realize your faults, and know she has faults too. Know that you cannot change her in anyway, and you would't dream of trying.

    When you try to think of ways of pleasing her, and really do not care if she reciprocates or not.