threesomes+relationship

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by PEN15, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. PEN15

    PEN15 New Member

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    hello everyone,
    i realize there are numerous 3some threads floating around here and i found many but none of them really answered my questions. im going to do my best to make this long story short, but my wife and i got talking about fanatsies over the weekend, and i told her i've always wanted to try a 3some(fmf) and she looked at me kinda confused and sort of an upset look on her and said to me, well how would you feel if it was me and you and another guy, and i told her honestly, that sometimes i kinda fantasized about seeing her suckin on som guys cock while i bang her. she gave me this look like she really couldnt believe it and i thought at this point she was going to freak out and question our relationship, but to my surprise she said, well i kinda have the same fantasy, but she fantasized about mfm (which i feel ok with, never done it before but will not say no). we have been together for a total of 5 years and have a very good sex life, she expressed to me that this is something she secretly fantasized about once in awhile in the back of her head. we did not go into extreme details about wut we would do but i feel confident saying she will let me go all the way (same for her) i just want to hear from people in committed relationships (or have been) who have done 3somes and express your experiences and how did you get started. also what was the first 3some like? as far as what you did since you have a commited relationship and your adding a 3rd wheel. we have not set a date of when we want to do this, we want to learn as much as possible b4 we do anything. thanks for any comments/advice

    P.S. any links to websites or threads with good info to check out would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. espresso

    espresso New Member

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    It's a long read but here you go:

    http://www.sexualforums.com/talk/showthread.php?t=16042

    This was something my wife and I just did. I will say for sure there will be emotions come up that you didn't think will come up but in the end everything was good for us. Take a read and let me know what you think.

    E
     
  3. PEN15

    PEN15 New Member

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    wow, that sounds amazing. im just curious as to how you start a conversation to get the ball rolling towards a 3some. we would prefer someone anonymous so that it not someone we run into often, would it be wrong to ask them to take an STD/HIV test b4 we do anyhting?
     
  4. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I suggest a website that caters to swingers. You can be very specific about what you are looking for, and remain pretty anonymous up to the meeting.
     
  5. Dreama

    Gold Member

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    As long as you would be willing to cater to her fantasies,( and you said you would) and your respectful of everyone's boundaries, it sounds cool. Just make sure you are both totally ok with it.
     
  6. Bluesy

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    I can only echo Dreama's sage advice, emphasis on "make sure you are both totally ok with it" because the following does not sound (to me) like a woman who's eager to participate in a threesome:

    I think the two of you need to put this idea on the back burner for a time and reexamine it at a later date. The majority of couples who try it regret it afterwards, and it has the potential to cause irreparable damage to your relationship (and, yes, this happens even in the healthiest of relationships). You'd be better off waiting a while, at least several months, before broaching the subject again, I think. You should be 100% certain that neither of you has any reservations.
     
  7. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I am totally with Mel in this case.
    I have done 3 somes many times
    but most always MFM, Only on a couple
    of occasions has it been FMF And when it was
    the two Females never made contact.
    The advice I would give is never do it with friends
    Make your initial contact through a swingers club
    And E-Mail them and check them out
    Sometimes we would have dinner with the couple
    we selected to meet just to see if they were compatible
    And as for getting down and dirty, You all know what
    you are their for so you shouldn't have a problem
    getting started.
    My wife would always dress very revealing so that helped
    turn the guy on, And that's all it takes.
    But-----Careful if your SO is not ready, Don't push Her
    It takes 3 willing people. Also I would suggest a 4 some first.

    Hiker
     
  8. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    You will find a lot of opinion and varying successes with people who have had threesomes. A lot of the experience comes from:

    1) How egalitarian the decision was. Meaning was it forced, was one member of the couple pressured into having a threesome, was it a surprise, or did the couple take the time to talk about it. If it was discussed and the couple agreed on the boundaries then there is a greater chance that it will be successful.

    2) Reason for having a threesome. If the couple was looking to add 'spice' to a relationship that was getting boring, if it was done to keep a partner from cheating, or fix a failing marriage then most likely the threesome will create more problems for the couple.

    3) Communication: If the couple can communicate about everything and no subject is off limit then a better chance of success

    4) Stability of the relationship: if the relationship is struggling or going through a period of stress there is a good chance it will have an adverse impact on the relationship.

    Having done mfm threesomes and a few cuckold experiences with my partner the one thing needs to happen is that the two of you keep talking and talk through the whole experience. Also the two of you will need to establish boundaries and consider issues of safety too.

    From a practical standpoint you will most likely be able to find a male for a mfm a lot faster then you will find a female for a fmf.

    Whatever the two of you decide the main thing that needs to be the priority in any threesome experience is your relationship and not do anything that puts it at risk.

    Hope it helps.
     
  9. PEN15

    PEN15 New Member

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    wow you guys really helped me out quite a bit. so i talked to her last night about it, in more detail than over the weekend. and we went over how we felt about it, and she expressed it is something she thought about and would like to try at some point in her life. so we got to talking about MFM first and went into what she felt comfortable with and i told her im ok with everything and she also said well i dont see anything wrong with going all the way either, so i was like alright this is going pretty good. and then i asked her about FMF :nerv i asked her flat out would u be ok if i penetrate her, she said NO WAY, and i looked at her like wait a minute and said your ok and all ready to go for some other guy to penetrate you but i cant penetrate another girl? and then i asked her well would i be able to touch her, again she said no, at this point im kinda like well this is turning into fufilling your fantasy and not mine. and then i said well what can i do to the other girl and she said " well now that i think about it, im not comfy doing FMF" :ugh wtf, so now i felt confused and didnt know which way to approach this. she said that she is not willing to share me with anyone. (keep in mind we did not argue or anything, this was us just talking) so i told her well i dunt find that very fair that you get MFM and im not going to get my fantasy in return at all. I realize this is not something you just rush into, which is why im here. she told me she will probably be more willing in the future (she is a lil bi-curious) but not right now. so what should i do now? i no better than to pressure her im not going to do that, but what should i do to handle this from now as far as any conversations on this topic, conforming to her fantasy, her willingness to conform to mine etc? and for you girls out there maybe you can shed some light on this for me but if she ok with me and some other guy banging her, why wouldnt she be ok with me banging her and some other girl?
     
  10. Dreama

    Gold Member

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    To me, that would be a red light. Do not go into something you are not comfortable with, and I do not think it's fair that she isn't cool with sex for you, if you both are for her. Perhaps she is not secure enough in your relationship to trust you....And trust is a MUST, so I agree that you guys probably are not ready for either experience.
     
  11. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Yorkie said
    I totally disagree with that, Every Swingers party We attended had
    1 or 2 extra ladies just to satisfy the bi-females and join in 3somes,
    Never was their extra men as a lot of men are fearful
    of ever coming in contact with another man.

    Hiker
     
  12. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Interesting thought. Two guys and two girls might very well be much more...comfortable?...than an FFM or MMF. What's the logic behind suggesting a foursome?

    BD
     
  13. Dreama

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    I do not want to advise a foursome for this situation. However, as to your question of logic:
    My hubby and I have considered a foursome with a couple who are both our good friends. The logic here, is that it's less pressure to interact with the other people, if both SOs are there. We can do whatever we're comfortable with, and nothing more, and plus, we're all good friends, and as such, we act like friends, and take care of one another in all aspects. If anyone is uncomfortable with anything, we all stop. Anyway, that's the logic behind our situation.
     
  14. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Mostly to get your feet wet, so to speak.
    Your going to have sex in a threesome and have 2 on 1
    a foursome does not require 2 on 1
    one male and one female having sex in the same room with the other couple,
    We never had a 3some until after we had had sex with at least a dozen
    other couples. It's a more comfortable way to start.

    Hiker

     
  15. TXGUY

    TXGUY Member

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    Wow E sounds like you had a goodtime. I am going to share this with my wife when she gets home tomorrow. I hope to have a threesome sometime in the future but we will see. thanks for sharing your story i enjoyed it!