thinking of other people during sex

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by theboomies, Sep 20, 2007.

  1. theboomies

    theboomies New Member

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    has anybody ever done this? imagined the person you were having sex with was someone else?
     
  2. Bluesy

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    I've never done it, even when I was no longer in love and it was "just sex", because I find it too disrespectful. If I found out that a partner was fantasizing about being with someone else during sex, I'd be absolutely devastated. A person can fantasize about being with whomever they want when flying solo, that's your time, and, hey, anything goes! But I want to know that my partner is fully present during sex. Otherwise, he might as well be fucking a blow-up doll, know what I'm saying? You can't participate 100% in love-making if your mind is elsewhere, so it makes for really crappy sex, anyway.
     
  3. Malfie

    Malfie New Member

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    Id have to agree with Bluesy out of respect :).
     
  4. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    I've never done it. And I hope i never feel the need to.
     
  5. Dreama

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    EXACTLY my thoughts, to a tee. Couldn't have worded it better.
     
  6. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    i couldnt agree more with bluesy. she said it so well that none of us have anything else to say L
     
  7. Livvie

    Livvie New Member

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    I have. But if you knew the situation I was in, you would too.
    My boyfriend at that time was kinda abusive.
     
  8. Bluesy

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    Livvie, all is forgiven.

    *sigh* You just know there were like 20 guys ready to say, "Sure, I do it all the time!" before the womenfolk came down so harshly on the idea :p ;)
     
  9. Hope80

    Hope80 New Member

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    I totally agree Bluesey, id be totally devastated if my s/o was thinking of someone else while being intimate with me.
     
  10. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    I agree 100% I have done it but to tell the truth I don't remember doing it with someone I'd call a SO. Well over 1/2 the times I've had sex in my life it was more of a casual thing.
     
  11. Barbwire

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    Oh for God's sake! Sheesh, it's just thinking, fantasizing, daydreaming....it's not disrespectful, mean or hurtful. It's not like you are calling out the other person's name or trying to get your partner to act like someone you'd rather be fucking. It's just fantasy. A mind is a terrible thing to waste, man.
     
  12. espresso

    espresso New Member

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    I have to agree with CL on this one. My wife and I are totally open to this and I have no problem with her thinking of someone else while we are doing it. I KNOW she loves me and only me and I trust that these thoughts are simply fantasies.

    However, if you are thinking of someone else because your lover is not "doing it for you" then I think you have a problem. If something is lacking in the relationship and this causes you to look elsewhere, even in your mind, then you need to reconsider.

    Just my two cents.
     
  13. Joe

    Joe
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    I don't disagree with what Bluesy said; however, I've thought of other women while having sex, but only in passing. That is, I don't dwell on them, but we can't always control what pops into our heads. I don't think it's that unusual. I might try it on purpose, but I'd probably call out the other person's name. Yikes!

    Early in our relationship, my wife thought I whispered my late wife's name. I'm sure I didn't, but it certainly stopped that session in a hurry.
     
  14. MsEspresso

    MsEspresso New Member

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    Phew . . . glad to see you've already said what I was thinking, espresso;) He and I talk all the time about our fantasies, hell we fantasize together- it really gets the juices flowing. Even during sex, one of us will tell the other a scenario that we're imagining. It's fun to pretend this stuff together . . . but ONLY because we have no doubts about our love and lust for one another. A little bit of fantasy only makes things more exciting, if you ask me! Not to say, though, that we don't enjoy being in the moment, also, and just enjoying eachother and making LOVE. That's awesome, too.
     
  15. Dreama

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    I think if both partners are cool with it, and have talked about it, it's cool. But, for me, I would really be very upset and uncomfortable and even betrayed-feeling if my SO was thinking of someone else while being intimate with me. I think if he's fucking me, he should be fucking *me* not just using me as a sex toy. I know some might not think of it like that, but I certainly do. I mean, isn't that what flying solo is for?
     
  16. Bluesy

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    CL, you know I luv ya, but I smell some serious rationalization going on here. Just because it's Ok with you doesn't mean everyone else should be Ok with it.

    Ditto! I guess this is a controversial "gray area" like cybersex: So long as neither partner has a problem with it, it's Ok. If one partner doesn't approve, it's disrespectful and you simply shouldn't do it. There's something inherently dishonest about projecting your fantasies onto your partner...it's like they're an object--a sex object, as opposed to a human being you're emotionally bonded with--and you're taking advantage of them for your own illicit purposes. They become an unwilling participant in a sex act, and that's never acceptable in the bedroom. Both partners should be completely upfront and honest about sex with one another; practicing deceit generally always turns out to have a detrimental effect on a relationship.

    If a partner wants to play out a fantasy that involves having sex with someone else, we can role play--I love role playing and, hey, you're both aware of the objective and willingly participating in the game. You get to sleep with someone else (figuratively speaking!), but you're doing it honestly and openly...it just seems to me like the sexually respectful way of going about it. I'll put on something trashy, a wig, we can even use monopoly money, and a partner can pretend I'm a high-price hooker ready and eager to turn some tricks for them :brow Or I'll be the horny Amazon warrior who's never seen a man before now, or the sultry secretary who's willing to do anything for that promotion...

    You get the point ;)
     
  17. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    me and my ex did it out of fun

    and i might do it with my current boyfriend but i doubt he'll be able to..
    sometimes its a change, as long as you dont get a fixation with wanting
    to sleep with tht person... its just a fun game, like whipping and such
     
  18. heelfetish

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    Seconded. :)
     
  19. Barbwire

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    And just because YOU have an issue with it doesn't mean everyone else should. Yeah, so I use cyber and fantasy to improve my boring sex life..............so shoot me.

    Having sex with the same person night after night, year after year gets a bit old. People can do all sorts of elaborate things to break the monotany, like role play, get into fetishes, etc.... so, if all of that is ok, why is using your imagination. i.e. cybering and fantasizing about other people to improve your sex life, a crime? I don't get it.

    Oh, and in case you all think I'm being disrespectful or using to my husband, he knows my mind wanders and we have talked about it. He understands and is fine with it. He admits to doing the same thing and I don't mind one bit.

     
  20. Dreama

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    So, what Bluesy said doesn't really apply. :) If you both know, you're not using anyone. Honesty is the key element here. If your hubby is comfortable with everything, you're not being dishonest, and therefore, you're not doing anything disrespectful or wrong. I specifically wouldn't really be comfortable with it, but hey, different strokes for different folks. :) Variety is the spice of life.