Think she might be gay

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by boogieman10469, Apr 14, 2007.

  1. boogieman10469

    boogieman10469 New Member

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    Me and the Mrs have been moderate swingers for about 6 years now. Two years ago we moved away from her home state to Washington DC for new jobs. Since moving away from her family and friends she has been trying all sorts of "new things" which I gladly encourage, because I've always felt she was reluctant to try things for fear of what they might think. Within the last year, she has been exploring her "bi-curious" side, which I also don't have a problem with, as long as she is up-front and honest with me about things. Recently, I've become very concerned - she's hooked up with a bi-womens group, and is hanging out with them at least 2-3 times per week - everything is very "hush-hush". I literally have to "schedule" time to see her on the weekends. She says that I have nothing to worry about, that she's just having "fun with her new friends". But since then, she treats me like an afterthought - we used to have a very very active sex life, but that hasn't happened in almost a month.

    So what do you folks think - have I lost my wife to the "other side"?

    PS - her favorite TV show...? Yep! The L Word....
     
  2. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    This is the downside to letting your partner see other people sexualy, you took a gamble with someone you love by letting them see others, the gamble may well have back fired on you.

    You must have known somehwere in the back of your mind there was a possibility she could find someone and fall for them, im not saying that this is the case but it is a possibility .

    If you trust her fully and that you are the one that pushed her into trying new things.
    then sadly you have in a way dug your own grave.

    But i do hope that the two of you will get back on track with each other .
     
  3. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    My first ever sex partner was bisex and she eventually turned completely lesbian.
    She even married and had a baby before this happened, but sadly died in her 30s.
     
  4. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    This is precisely one of the major reasons my wife and I wouldn't have an open relationship.

    I fundamentally disagree with people that say that humans are not monogamous by nature. I think we are. This explains the real occurances of people to shift 100% of their attention from one person to another. There are exceptions, of course, but the general rule holds true. In ancient times, a man and woman banded together for provisions and protection of children. It's the natural way.
     
  5. Barbwire

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    Being gay or not being gay is determined before birth, I think. I feel that having sexual encounters with the same sex does not "make" you gay, but it brings out your latent homosexuality.
     
  6. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    It's a bit more complicated than that CL!
    We are born male or female, but the difference between sexes isn't that great.
    We all have male and female genes and the tussle between the two sometimes causes a problem.
     
  7. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    [​IMG]

    Hiker
     
  8. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    But the real issue here is that his wife is emotionally abandoning him, and thus de facto cheating on him. Doesn't matter if she originally had his permission or not, when emotions come into play -- it's cheating.
     
  9. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    But sadly he gave her free rain to go into an open relationship and explore her inner fantasies, this can lead to problems such as the partner finding someone more to her needs, it isnt cheating if you pushed her to explore, theres the risk factor involved .


    some people could say just looking at another female is cheating.and they do lol
     
  10. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    But it is cheating if trust is violated. Sounds like she's violating his trust now. And he had a lot of damn trust apparently. Doesn't matter if he gave her the freedom -- she seems to have taken that freedom and betrayed him emotionally.
     
  11. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    That is why you shouldnt be willing to allow your partner to have sex with others as it can back fire.

    Freedom of expression freedom to do and go out an see what ever they wish, but not to have sexual relations with others, as it is a huge risk.
    We are after all only human, what she did or is perhaps doing is wrong, but she was pushed into doing this in some senses.
     
  12. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Shouldn't? Wow! Careful dear.....
     
  13. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Okay wait. Did I miss him saying that her hanging out involves fucking them? Perhaps it is just hanging out with them, and we're all jumping on assumptions. It is my opinion that if you think she might be more interested in women than you first knew..... that you have a very serious talk about it. I think whether you are making her defend herself or allowing her to be honest will shape your conversation a lot.

    The search and experimentation taught me that I am far more interested in women than I knew, but that does not mean that I am cheating on my husband.
     
  14. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    I completely agree. Monogamy is best imho.
     
  15. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    Does he have to actually say she's 'fucking them'? It's a bi-curious women's group. What more do you need? I don't think we're assuming anything here.
     
  16. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Shouldnt if you are not willing to take the risk that things could go wrong, as in your partner could find one of these more to her liking than yourself or visa versa

    Well in the meaning off its a risk letting your SO have sexual relations with another, be that mentaly or pyshicaly...its great i guess if you know for 100% fact that they will always come back to you, but it is a risk, if you take that risk and it backfires that is the risk i was meaning Mel :)

    My opinions will never be perfect for all tastes, they are mine though.
    I dont mind if my partner wishes to explore sexuality, if i am there or if i know i can be very sure of them myself ..

    We each know ourself far beter than we will know anyone else.
    we know in our minds if we would be tempted if the right person came along or if we would not, but can you be certain that your partner if you let them experience their sexuality that they would not be tempted if someone came along that was able to get them ?
     
  17. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I was just pointing out that he has not made it clear whether she is "hush hush" sneaking out to have sex with these women, (either known or suspected)..... but that she is spending a lot of time with them. Both may be uncomfortable, but not both are as wrong and immoral as we are naming her to be. There are two sides..... it is possible that she's found some new people to hang out with and be comfortable with. So yes, I think that if he knows that she is out fucking them and not telling him or being open and blunt about it, that we should hear that before we judge her. Otherwise, it seems to me that we need to lend an ear to a man who might be realizing that the open lifestyle might be more than their relationship can handle..... perhaps even before it's too late for the relationship.
     
  18. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    My point is that while it's a risk for some, nothing applies to everyone. Thus shouldn't is pretty blanket and all-inclusive. Somewhat like "you should not drink because the majority of people who drink become alcoholics."
     
  19. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    your not getting the meaning i am meaning.
    If you are willing to accept there is a risk involved, and know that there could be a chance of this sort of thing backfiring on you, then in my opinion go for it and enjoy, but at the same time if things sadly do backfire you knew in the back of your head it was a possibility.


    Not saying it will always happen , just that it could happen.

    It is like not knowing about drugs and just taking them. not knowing there is a risk, so when something goes wrong who is to blame , the drugs or the person that diidnt realise their was a risk involved. .....maybe this is carpeting , but it is just my thoughts , nt saying they are right or wrong . :)
    No offence intended Mel :)
     
  20. SexyScorp

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    Hmmmm.....

    I have heard of quite a few couples where they have decided upon
    an "open marriage"

    Of course there are risks involved....if your partner says to you..I
    am willing to let you go explore your sexuality with others...the
    dangers lie therein with the sexuality turning into something
    much bigger.....LOVE......

    ....more love, more compatability than with the partner.......

    I think its a little like playing Russian Roulette giving the other
    free reign...

    It can SO back fire...

    Talking from experience....

    The other "problem" and a much deeper one can be when a man
    says to a woman "i dont mind if you sleep with another man".....

    ...how much does that say about his feelings for her....how would
    some women feel knowing that their man is willing to share her...

    I know how I would feel......not too enamoured to be honest!