Think Before You Speak...LOL

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Bella, Feb 25, 2007.

  1. Bella

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    I hope you find these as funny as I did! :rofl
    ~Bella

    Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
    the last one is great!
    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
    Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

    FIRST REASON:
    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
    "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
    I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
    My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

    SECOND REASON:
    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
    I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
    After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
    good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
    He asked if he could help me.
    Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

    THIRD REASON:
    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
    variety of candy and nuts.
    As we were looking at the display case,
    the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
    I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
    My sister started to laugh hysterically.
    The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
    To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

    FOURTH REASON:
    While in line at the bank one afternoon,
    my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
    I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
    and annoyance from other patrons.
    I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
    "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
    kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
    The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
    Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
    I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
    The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

    FIFTH REASON:
    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
    My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
    and I was on him constantly.
    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
    It was very busy, with a full dining room.
    While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
    so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.
    Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
    I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
    I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,
    and I don't have any clean clothes with me."
    Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
    "No," he replied.
    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
    So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
    This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
    "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
    he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
    An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

    LAST BUT NOT LEAST REASON:
    This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
    embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
    What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?
    We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
    "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

    Now, didn't that feel good?
    Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh, and remember...
    we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak.

     
  2. AnonymousOne

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    *dies laughing*
     
  3. Bella

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    Glad I could make you laugh! :)
    ~Bella
     
  4. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    I liked the last one. :p
     
  5. Bella

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    Me too! :)
    Thanks!
    ~Bella
     
  6. doberman

    doberman New Member

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    pretty cool ones.. :D

    but to be honest, people speaking their minds in a direct way i rather prefer than those that think, and make a fucked up story to it.. i spill my guts, and usually, i mean them that way..
     
  7. Dreama

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    Yeah, the last one rocked.
     
  8. Bella

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    Thanks doberman
    ~Bella
     
  9. Bella

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    Thanks Dreama! :)
    ~Bella
     
  10. Dreama

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    Always welcome, Bella!
     
  11. lucid

    lucid New Member

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    that last one is the funniest thing ive read in awhile
     
  12. HardRocker

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    Those are funny as hell, thanks for the hilarity. I'll be on the lookout for suitable reciprocal material.
     
  13. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    I had seen these before but they still managed to have me in stitches! Thanks for the laugh :)
     
  14. Bella

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    You are such a doll! :)
    ~Bella
     
  15. Bella

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    Thank you, thank you, thank you!! :)
    Much luv,
    ~Bella