Things you wrote that you regret.

Discussion in 'Erotic Literature' started by fireontheside, Apr 21, 2013.

  1. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    I'll start.

    I had a crush on a girl at my job before I quit. I really, really had a crush on her, thought about her all the time, wished we could be together, and so on. She was not attracted to women.

    We became friends on facebook, and she was aware of my feelings for a long time. I would post a lot of status updates that were directed at her, but I was really cryptic. Looking back, I'm so embarrassed. Anyway, one time I wrote:

    At times we feel lost on the unending wave of the world. But it's okay. As long as I can feel your heart, beating against mine, nothing else matters.

    I don't think I understood how creepy that must have been to someone who had zero interest in me whatsoever.

    Yeah. She was nice and ignored it, but looking back it's pretty humiliating.
     
  2. 12barblues

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    I think it was a poetic way of saying how you felt....much more of this and less negativity would be a better path for you and may actually get you to where you wanna be.
     
  3. xeniadraven

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    I wouldnt feel embarassed at all. It seems pretty romantic and honest to me. If its a status update on FB you are entitled to write whatever the hell you want, how people interpret it is totally upto them.

    Be proud of yourself that you can be so open with your feelings and able to express them so beautifully xx
     
  4. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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  5. lbushwalker

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    I totally agree.
    That was beautiful and despite her not able to reply in kind it would still have been flattering.
     
  6. 12barblues

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    Like I said on an earlier thread... Take a positive, something you enjoy, and let that be what connects you to others. Use writing to connect with people. If we don't have a poetry thread in the beanery, maybe you should start one
     
  7. cygnus73

    cygnus73 Member

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    I wrote a horrible letter once to an ex girlfriend. I had never really gotten to speak my mind when she dumped me because I was desperate to change her mind. When it became obvious that she was not coming back, I stewed over it for 6 months or so and then one night I had a few drinks and wrote her a nasty email. It was full of terrible insults and other things that were way out of character for me. I sent an apology a couple of days later, but I've always felt bad and regretted sending the email.
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    Yep, all my "silly, wish I did not write that" have been committed under the influence of EtOH.
    That said I have also written some heartfelt stuff under the same condition which on re-reading sober made me marvel at my own prose :)
    Goes to show, drop the inhibitions and it all comes out good and bad.
    Take home message; do not hit send until fully sober, wise advice but will I take my own?
    Probably not!
     
  9. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    After I posted it, my former coworker became even more distant and avoided me more. :(

    She knew how I felt and she was freaked out by it. I guess she preferred her misogynistic, porn-addicted ex (who gave her a very dangerous bladder infection) to someone who really cared about her like me.

    And yes I realize she wasn't into girls, but still. When I say I don't get monosexuality, this is exactly what I mean. A nasty, unworthy dude is better than a girl who really cares and writes poetry for you.
     
  10. Trond

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    The desperation you feel when in love with someone who doesn't share your feelings can be a bit scary. I once was in love with a stripper. we used to sit and chat away the nights. I must have been way too lonely for my own good. When she quit it was as if the whole world turned into this nasty gray place. I guess the most "stalker-ish" thing I've ever done was to dig up her address from things she had told me, and send her a letter. I don't think the letter was creepy though, but I just wanted to make sure she had my contact info in case she ever wanted to find me.
     
  11. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    That's a difficult circumstance. I feel the same about my circumstance. Did you meet her and she happened to be a stripper, or did you go to a strip club? It was her job to make people feel special and to give them lots of attention, since her livelihood kind of depends on it. So under those circumstances it was bound to not work. And I guess she really just didn't feel the same about you.

    With my situation, we never saw each other away from work and never had a chance to really know each other so we never even became friends. She wasn't interested in spending time with me not at work. I wanted to ask her out so bad but I knew I could not. I feel that maybe if we'd met under different circumstances we could have been friends and the rejection wouldn't have been as hard to deal with.

    I'm pretty much over her now but I still think about her sometimes.
     
  12. Trond

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    I met her at the club. Oh, it wasn't ever going to work, but it sort of didn't matter. It was all about gut feelings, nothing rational about it.
     
  13. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    But you can't really blame her for being a bit skeptical about your intentions in that context. Which probably affected her feelings toward you. Women who dance get really cynical, and I don't blame them.

    I joke to myself that if I had a nice body, I could do it, since I already have the necessary cynicism.
     
  14. MordsithLove

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    When I was in high school, I had many secret crushes...some of them I confessed such feelings to them...

    Perhaps it was a subtle way to reject someone "I'm not really looking to date, but you're an awesome person and friend." was the usual line they would tell me. Only one had same heart felt feelings for me however I had just gotten myself into a relationship at the time. I have no regrets...I've written notes to some of my crushes "Im really into and we should hang out sometime."...I would say it has humbled me, I was and still am not an attention seeking type, I've always been shy and hid the true light I hold. And maybe my opening to them has infact made them feel a bit higher on ground, "hey...she really likes me".

    As for status and whatnot...sure I've posted some very depressing and nagging stuff...maybe even belittle someone I knew....that I feel somewhat shameful, as it was a impulse of negativity which is only an emotion that I feel needs no energy to be fed into a bigger monster.


    Now in my written poems...I NEVER regret a single word. It's my art, my thoughts and heart inked and etched for others to appreciate and see a bit deeper into me...and for those who critique can only help me shape my expression into more definitive ways.
     
    #14 MordsithLove, Apr 22, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2013
  15. Trond

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    Never did blame her. Why would I? Perhaps you could say she let me get too close, but nah, I never blamed her.
     
  16. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    Maybe you let yourself get too close?
     
  17. Trond

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    Sure did. What I'm saying is that it wasn't entirely one-sided. Sometimes she would talk about her personal life and problems, show pictures of her kid etc.
     
  18. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    Maybe she just wanted a friend?
     
  19. Trond

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    That would be my best guess, yes.