Things never tried

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Notta, Sep 4, 2016.

  1. Notta

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    I am a survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse, twice in my life.
    With that being said, even though I have been in Therapy there are things I have never done and not sure I ever will. Am I the only one survivor or not?
    1. Never Showered with anyone
    2. Anal sex (no interest at all)
    3. Never did 69 or many other sexual positions other than missionary.
    4. Have given head, don't like it, this was something I was forced to do.
    I think this is enough for now. My experiences are limited.
     
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  2. Amature

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    Child sex abuse is one of the worse crimes there is. Obviously it has affected your life tremendously. And this makes me very, very angry. And to think we now have a movement to consider pedophelia a normal sexual instinct in this country blows my mind! As the father of two daughters this whole thing is just insane.

    But anyway, my sex life is pretty vanilla also. A lot of things I didn't care to try, a lot of things I couldn't physically do, a few things my wives didn't want to do. Your lack of experience is nothing to be ashamed of. You went through a very traumatic experience inn your young life. Sex is something that should be shared between two people. Not inflicted upon someone, especially a child. I have never heard of a person involved in a car accident that claimed both parents as a child who later became a winning race car driver after such an experience. I imagine childhood sexual abuse would leave a victim very withdrawn sexually. Your story breaks my heart. I pray this is something you can overcome.
     
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  3. CLE32793

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    No ma'am you are not. It will take a lot of time (a loooooottttt) and the help of a very patient very trusting man/woman (at least that's what happened in my case). Even years into our marriage he would could something, ie..he smacked my ass but instead of my ass he kinda hit my thigh and I freaked out, burst out in tears, this was pretty recent actually considering we've been together for 25 years. The first several years there were a lot of times I'd just shut down during sex, you see I don't remember the abuse. I shut it out. So the memories break thru at the worst possible times.
    Hopefully when you find someone you trust enough to share your experiences (the horrible ones you had absolutely no control over) he/she will be a kind and caring individual and do whatever they can to help you get past all of the horrible things done to you. No pressure to do the things you are uncomfortable with and just love you the way you are because that is what you deserve.
    I imagine your experiences are very limited as you trust no one!

    And I agree with Amature, and we have to try to let go of the things we have no control over (I'm still struggling with this and I have seen many therapist, I believe my childhood played a HUGE part in my bipolar and anxiety that I suffer with everyday, I suffer with, not that POS sperm donor that abused/abandoned/abused us) I'm 44 and I still have nightmares and I still refuse to see him (it kinds sucks that he was never prosecuted but I like to believe he is living in hell everyday, I hope your abusers were prosecuted, it's not a good feeling knowing he's free to do this again, not so much now as he's an old man. He says god forgave him, we (me and my 3 sisters) don't have too). I have a great life now and so will you, I have complete faith in you!
    hugs
    And if you ever need to talk or vent hit me up, I'ma great listener!
     
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  4. Amature

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    @CLE32793 , I had no idea this had happened to you too. And I am very sorry for what you went through, and the horrific memories you still experience. Sadly, I think childhood sexual abuse is much more common than people realize. We adults need to constantly be vigilant about who our children are exposed to. My six year old grandson are very close. He helps me with little chores I'm doing and sometimes I'll ask if there's anything he wants to talk to me about. If anything is bothering him. Has anyone ever told him not to tell anyone something. The other night I explained the difference between good and bad secrets. A good secret was if someone bought a gift and said "don't tell pa pa, we want to surprise him for Christmas!" A bad secret is if some kid brought a gun to school and said "don't tell anyone!" He has to tell a teacher immediately. I've not told or asked about sexual stuff yet. I really don't know how to approach the subject. I'm hoping our conversation is enough for now. Sexually abusing a child, making them keep this dark secret is appallingly cruel. I truthfully don't know what I would do if it were my daughters or grandsons. I truthfully strongly suspect my first wife was abused by her grandfather. She couldn't remember hardly any of her childhood. If so, she took it to her grave with her.
     
  5. CLE32793

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    I try not to dwell on and and only talk about it when I fell it may offer assistance to someone else. Thank you. I agree, it is a lot more wide spread than a lot think and unfortunately a lot of family know about it and it continues to happen (as was our case). I have found in talking to others there is a lot of guilt when we have nothing to feel guilty of as the victims, or as I like to refer to us as 'survivors', surviving makes you stronger being a victim does not. So she could have very well been abused and took it to her grave. My best friend thinks her husband was abused by his grandfather and maybe some of the people he was left with while his parents traveled. She doesn't think he'll ever talk about it. It's very sad, no one has the right to violate a person that way much less a child! They have no idea or simply do not care the life time of memories the abused will have to live with.
     
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  6. Notta

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  7. Notta

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    Thank you for your Kindness, your compassion touched my heart. Please take care of your daughter's and communicate with them you and your wife let them know that they can come to either one of you with anything. You sound as though you have a pretty good handle on things. I try to be more of an advocate these days instead of the victim. I may never have a complete sex life, and I am ok with that, right now it's about boundaries and protecting myself. I rely on God to continue to heal me and show me the way... Thanks again for your kindness.
     
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