The worst feeling ever

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by wololo696, Feb 8, 2008.

  1. wololo696

    wololo696 New Member

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    Hi all,

    I recently married the girl of my dreams last June and even though we are separated by foolish immigration laws she will be joining me soon and we will be finally be together forever. Everything was fine when we got married, we were both virgins and enjoyed sex to the fullest for the few days we had until i had to go. I've visited about 4 times since, the last time being 2 weeks ago and this is our problem. I cannot get hard enough to penetrate her anymore. I can get hard but it's not hard like I used to and I cannot make it harder. The harder I try and she tries the more flaccid i get and it's ruining our relationship. I'm at wits end. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I have ED or what to think. God how can this be possible I'm only 30. I'm all hard and as soon as i'm lined up to enter her I go soft. If she tries to stimulate me just a little bit I usually cum and that ruins it all. I feel so worthless as a husband right now. Do i need to see an ED doctor or a sex counselor? I don't know.

    Any help would be great.

    Thx
     
  2. cbrmale

    Gold Member

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    I suggest that one time you had sex you were anxious (after being separated) or tired, and didn't get hard. Now, whenever you have sex, you get anxious about that one time when you didn't get hard, and the 'fight or flight' reaction kicks in, flooding your body with hormones and ruining things. When a man worries about his erection, it just goes away.

    Most men have had this happen, and it becomes a cycle of worry, lack of performance, more worry and so on.

    The trick I was told is to focus on a recent time when you had good sex, how hard you were and how great it was. Remember that nothing's changed in the meantime, and as soon as you find your mind wandering and worrying, tell it to 'stop' and to re-focus on good it was and how hard you were when you were with your wife that time. Keep your thoughts away from worry, and just focus on how hard you were and on staying hard.

    If that doesn't work, there are two other things I can think of. One is to see a counsellor because this is a very common problem and a clinical psychologist should be able to help you. The second is to see a medical doctor and get a check-up, just in case. The doctor can also prescribe some ED tablets like Cialis. These can help in instances of psychological ed, because they make you harder than normal, and will most likely get you over the threshold for penetration and help you rebuild your confidence. Over time, you can reduce or eliminate them, but in the meantime they will probably help your anxiety.

    If tablets don't work, the injection 'caverject' has an almost 100% success rate in cases of psychological ED. Caverject is easy to administer, doesn't hurt at all, and works really, really well. Caverject is the only sex medication that works without sexual arousal, you get an erection within minutes of administering it, and the erection should last about a half-hour or so.
     
  3. Bluesy

    Gold Member

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    I think you'd do well to schedule an appointment with your PCP for the purpose of ruling out any conditions that may be affecting your circulation. If it isn't physical in origin, it's psychological. Remove the "goal" of orgasm and see if that doesn't help. If not, counseling may be in order.

    Keep us updated on your situation, 'kay?
     
  4. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    What he said...it sounds like it's a mental thing. I'd get a physical checkup just to make sure everything's alright, but it sure sounds like it's a mental block. It's very surprisingly how linked the penis and brain are...worries about erection are self-fulfilling prophesies.

    Just as a side-thought...licking my wife gets me so turned on I could drill a hole in concrete. :D Maybe you could give that a try? Eat her until she's had several orgasms from your mouth alone...that ought to be a confidence-builder. For this to work, you have to love lickin' though (and I do :brow).

    BD
     
  5. wololo696

    wololo696 New Member

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    I lick, fondle, caress to my hearts desire but she and I want sex and the second my mind goes from pleasuring her to penetrating her I lose my erection. I so love her taste and love pleasuring her but that is the least of my worries.

    I've scheduled an appointment with my doctor to check things out but even if I have help it will be half a year or more till i have a chance to try with her. :shrug
     
  6. cbrmale

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    It's worth seeing a doctor, but typically vascular conditions that cause loss of erection creep up over time. In your case you're hard until the moment of penetration, and then panic takes over. If you had a physical problem, you wouldn't get fully hard at all.

    Most likely being psychological, you have the added problem of waiting six months to try out your therapy, which is a bad blow. But you should see a psychologist during that time, so that you don't stew over your problem and make it seem more intense than it really is.

    Remember what I posted about medications (especially injection therapy) if counselling and subsequent practice doesn't work. A medicated solution will reduce the anxiety and enable you to regain confidence before you wean yourself off the medication by gradually reducing the dosage.