The trouble continues.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by tall_dallas, May 21, 2007.

  1. tall_dallas

    tall_dallas New Member

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    Well... ok, here is the weekend story.

    Thursday night
    She called me on the way home saying how stressed and tired she was.
    I offered to fix her a nice bath, have dinner waiting, and take care of the kids.
    She gets home, won't let me help with the boy.
    She doesn't eat until he's asleep.
    then she refuses to accept the bath I prepared for her.

    Friday.
    Nothing.
    come home, eat, go to bed.
    I try to be intimate... rejected.

    Saturday.
    I wake up with the kidd-o
    I clean the kitchen, do some laundary, and pick up the living room... all while she sleeps in.
    about 11-AM We go shopping (groceries)
    I try to be intimate while kidd-o is taking a nap... no go.
    I cook dinner on the grill for us.
    I put the kid down to bed.
    I try to be intimate again... rejected.
    we go to bed. I try again... rejected.

    Sunday
    She knows I have to run to office for a few hours at 2-ish
    I wake up again with kidd-o
    I pick up more of the living room.
    I do more laundary.
    I prepare lunch.
    kidd-o goes down for nap.
    I wake her up with kisses and touches at around 10 (kidd-o still asleep.)... rejected.
    I head to work and return around 6-PM
    I cook dinner again.
    put the kid down.
    try to be intimate again... rejected.
    we go to bed.
    I try again... somewhat receptive but she is just laying there.
    then she gets upset because I ask her what she wants. what she would enjoy.
    frustration in her voice... mood is gone...
    I roll off her (only foreplay thus far) and turn out the candle and go to sleep.

    She says she loves me.
    but all I see is her taking advantage of every thing I try to do for her.
    and I'm constantly rejected any affection and intimacy.

    Do you think she may be cheating on me?
    taking a "long lunch" or not really be "working late"?
    Her supervisor (of who'm she's really friends with) has cheated on his wife with others in her office in the past....
    am I just being paranoid?
     
  2. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    how old are your kids? maybe she's just tired and needs a break. have you offered to maybe get a babysitter and just go out and have adult time? sometimes even when the munchkins are asleep they can be distracting
     
  3. Bella

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    It's hard to say on just what you have said & not knowing you or her. :ugh
    It could be anything or everything that is bothering her? :shrug
    Try "not" being so helpful & see if she notices the change &
    asks you what's wrong. Or, you can tell her that you don't
    feel appreciated, but that may open up another can of worms.
    I would suggest you talk to her about it & let her know how you feel.
    I am a big believer in communicating...if he doesn't know...how can he help? :shrug
    ~Bella
     
  4. tall_dallas

    tall_dallas New Member

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    The little one is 14 mo.
    The older one is 7 YO but he's usually at his grandmothers or with us. but he's a great kid.

    She works all day so it's not like she's been with the kids all day long.
    Grandmother watches them during the day.

    also, I have often taken her out (at least once a month) when grandmomma lets us leave them for a bit and we just pick them up on our way home.

    The numerous times I just give up and quit doing things... they just pile up.
    I wish I could take a pic of our living room before I cleaned it... but i'm too embarrassed.
    If I don't pickup and vaccume, do the dishes, and at least my own laundary.
    It'll never get done.

    She doesn't really do anything.
    it's like she's depressed.
    and doesn't care...
    about anything, even me.
     
  5. Bella

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    Has she always been this way? :shrug
    If not, I would suggest a sit-down, adult talk while the kids are at grandmas.
    Make sure you have no interruptions & ask her what is wrong.
    Tell her you can't make things better if you don't know what the problem is.
    I wish there was something more I could offer for advice or a "quick" fix,
    but sometimes a good talk is all that is needed to straighten things out.
    ~Bella
     
  6. tall_dallas

    tall_dallas New Member

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    She didn't really get this way till right after we got married.
    Then she was preg-o two months later (what she wanted.)

    It's been straight down-hill ever since.

    I've tried to talk to her.
    no go. she just closes of and gets angry... defensive maneuver.
    I've tried being gentle, straight forward, even scaring her into telling me (was a last resort a few mo. ago.)
    all a no-go.

    She even has pushed the limit so far as that one night when we were having an argument, I went to sleep on the couch.
    she walked up behind me and when I turned around, she slapped me.
    not hard... but she did.

    She was the perfect little lady for about 2 weeks after that.
    then back to this.

    it's a constant roller coaster ride.
    she gets to the point where she can see i'm about to break. and she'll straighten up.
    then slowly sink back to the way things are.
    :nerv
     
  7. Dreama

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    Have you considered marriage counseling or therepy? It seems that there is a rift between you that needs to be bridged. Perhaps professional help could really be an answer.
     
  8. Bella

    Gold Member

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    Wow! :(
    I would at least, make the attempt & let her know it is your last ditch effort to
    make things right between the two of you. If that doesn't work...I don't know. :shrug
    I can't make decisions for you, but if you can't talk about things...how do you expect to
    grow as a couple? Maybe she wants out? I just know if the communication here was non-existent...I would stop trying & move on. I'm not married though; I think you should wait for
    other replies too. Maybe someone else can come up with some suggestions for you. :)
    I personally couldn't live that way...kids or not! I believe if it isn't fun or I'm not happy...it's
    time to move on. Always lived that way. Life is too short to be miserable & unhappy.
    I wish you luck & happiness in whatever your decision.
    ~Bella
     
  9. tall_dallas

    tall_dallas New Member

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    I have thought seriouskly thought about a post-nup.
    due to enheiratance, I have well over $250K liquid and $1M total asset.
    She came from a lower living class family.
    they are all great people. but there are some differences.
    Now i'm worried that she may be trying to make me leave so she can get her hands on some of the assets and go her own way.

    Hell, at 24. she was Married, had brand-new 2500 SqFt house, Brand-new Chrysler Pacifica (Loaded). no financial worries.
    she's never had to do without the staple things in life since she has been with me.
    i've been down&out a few times where balogni sandwhiches and crystal light was all that was in the fridge.
    But I lived my life and worked hard to be where I am. so has my family.
    They didn't come to my rescue, and I didn't want them to...

    I don't even think she's been down that road where she has to rely on herself.
    This is the longest relationship she's ever been in.

    Looking back, there were clues all over as to different aspects of her personality.

    1. She began the relationship with sex being a normal occurance.
    a. Even I had to tell her I wanted to wait a while... and we did for over two months.

    2. She never owned her own car. it was family hand-me-downs and she even paid (when she had the money) like $300 a mo. for it.

    3. She had 'broken up' with her ex BF when I met her. But, she still lived in the apartment.
    a. We met in Nov. and she (and even he when I spoke to him later) admitted that thanksgiving was the last time they were together. and there were two months prior to that of abstinance.

    4. She pressured the pregnancy.
    a. I wanted to wait one year so we could get married, move into the house that was being built, then work on a baby... She wanted the pregnancy between time we got married (june) and the move-in (Nov.)
    i. Any time I mentioned I wanted to wait... I got this guilt trip "Just forget the whole thing! you don't want kids with me, thats fine, blah blah blah..." and I would give in.

    I think she trapped me... and maybe not really intentionally, but through her own personality and her way of being treated in the past. this is what her heart and mind told her she had to do to keep me...

    then again, it may have been intentional.

    what if...

    what if she wanted to get PG because she knew that she was putting up a farse and couldn't hold out much longer. and with the pregnancy and such, she would have an excuse to not be as sexual and that way she would have me around to provide for her for a while, and then she could have access to my assets (I was ok, not well off but made descent money when she met me... more than any of her ex's.)
     
  10. Bella

    Gold Member

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    From everything you have said,
    I suppose that could be a possibility.

    Maybe she is just in for the "free ride" & maybe she is a "gold digger"
    & knew what she was doing when she latched onto you.

    Some women, are unfortunately, like that! :ugh

    It doesn't sound like the relationship was too stable to begin with on her part financially
    & your part emotionally.

    Do you always give in under pressure? ...and I am to assume you
    didn't do the pre-nup, correct? Could you tolerate her without sex?
    Do you really love her or do you just want things to work out?

    Just throwing some questions at you - I want you to really think about what you want
    to do & look at things from all aspects.

    This isn't just about her - you are a part of this relationship too!

    I hope that you aren't offended by what I am saying,
    but it doesn't sound like you put too much thought into things.
    If you wanted to wait, then you should have.
    Never give in...just because or to shut her up!
    Things may work out in the beginning, but aren't good for the long run!

    You need to collect your thoughts, get your shit together & decide what is best for you.
    All I can offer is advice.

    Why did you marry her?

    Maybe you could put your assests into your children's names so you don't lose
    everything if divorce court is where you want to go with this.

    Please keep in mind, I am just making suggestions to you, ok?

    I don't want to upset you anymore that what you are,
    but you REALLY need to think about all of this
    & please get more than my opinion.

    Are your parents supportive? Did you ask for their advice?

    ~Bella


     
  11. lickablesue

    lickablesue New Member

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  12. Joe

    Joe
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    It does sound like depression, and that could be caused by anything, could even be an inherited trait. But I wouldn't put too much credence in the psych 101 and 102 classes that I slept through 40 years ago. ;)

    As for your inheritance, it's quite possible that she couldn't touch it anyway. If it's not been commingled with other assets, she probably doesn't have any claim to it. Check with an attorney in your state for details. (And I would do that, just so you know where you stand and what not to do.)
     
  13. Barbwire

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    OK, forgive me for being blunt, BUT......Dallas, you say you have a 10" penis, and in another thread you talk about taking her with force, or at least trying to get pointers on how to do it. You also stated you go on for an hour. Could it be that you are too big for her, making sex painful, and she's just too shy to tell you about it? Maybe she can't tell you how she feels, so she looks for any excuse to get out of sex she can. Just a shot in the dark.
     
  14. austincode97

    austincode97 New Member

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    Get help. Seriously. See a therapist and talk about what's going on. If you want the marriage to work you need to figure out how to communicate with each other. A professional will be able to assist.
     
  15. FormerFreak

    FormerFreak New Member

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    Yep. We've all got to know when to reach out for help, particularly if it comes from a professional. Nothing to be ashamed of in it either--get an appointment for the both of you. Separately at first, because I really think that SHE needs it moreso than you, and there are undoubtedly some demons in her closet that she needs to get out which she might not be able to do where she right there in front of you.

    Good luck!